


What's a Girl to Do? (Season 4)

by originella



Series: What's a Girl to Do? [4]
Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-31
Updated: 2019-05-31
Packaged: 2020-03-30 22:36:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 12
Words: 59,397
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19036987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/originella/pseuds/originella
Summary: Now that she and Nicholas have proclaimed and acknowledged their feelings for one another, they start their relationship on a high note. However, after a fire brings back someone from their past, they must address how they truly feel about one another, and a shocking secret hits home more than either of them could have ever imagined possible. Will their relationship survive this?





	1. Go Through Fire

“Are you happy?”

“Hmmm,” came my reply, turning over and feeling utterly complete at the notion of Nicholas’s arms around me. “Yeah. Are you?”

He grinned. “Of course. Having a sleepover with my girlfriend? Please. One of my top-three favorite things to do.”

I propped myself up on my elbow, knowing that my alarm will go off any minute, which would likely wake up Iana, and signal that Nicholas had to return to his condo to get ready for work. “I, of course, now have to know what the other two things are.”

Nicholas chuckled, yanking me towards him then, and rolling himself over and onto his back, so that I was on top of him. “Do you now?”

“Yeah,” I replied, leaning down and kissing him, “of course I do. But, something tells me that me being on top of you like this will serve more as a distraction...”

“Okay,” he says, tangling his fingers in my hair, hesitating for a moment, and allowing his fingers to brush my neck ever so slightly. “Sleepover entails also sleeping _with_ you,” he explained, and I rolled my eyes, “but, of course, you already knew that.”

I scoffed a little, sitting up so that he couldn’t attain me so easily, and a stroke of disappointment came into his eyes as I pulled away from him. “Yeah. I assumed.”

“Okay, then,” he replied, sitting up himself, keeping a good hold on me. “The other two are spending time with Iana and your family, and the last one...”

“Does it have to do with me?” I joked.

He grinned, amused by my impatience. “It’s the one thing that doesn’t.” He leaned down then and kissed my neck, and I put my chin up, allowing him access, in the hopes that he would answer me and answer quickly. “It’s winning a case.”

I giggled then, the sensation of his lips on me like fire on my skin, and I enjoyed every moment of the flames. “Well, I suppose I agree with you there...”

Nicholas looked up at me then, his eyes dark with hunger. “God, you’re gorgeous—even when you just wake up in the morning.”

I felt that delicious giggle escape from my throat again, unsure of how it managed to program itself into my system. “Glad you think so. I’d have to agree.”

Nicholas raised an eyebrow. “Would you?”

“With you being gorgeous!” I cried, smacking him on the shoulder. “I like to think I’m not a vain person, Nicholas.”

“You’re not,” Nicholas assured me, his hands on my back, but quickly descending to cup at my ass, which sent a shiver through my body and a squeal through my lips at the impact. “You’re not a vain person, Murphy. Which is why I fell for you in the first place.”

I checked my clock then, seeing that we still had another ten minutes, and shoved Nicholas down back onto the bed. “Prove it,” I said, grinning down at him.

The ten minutes came and went quickly, and I threw on my robe and slippers and made a grab for Iana as Nicholas got dressed, moving after him so as I could say goodbye to him at the front door before Ian and Liam attempted to give us looks of mock-surprise. We got all the way down the hallway, making our way towards the front stairs as quickly as we dared, with Nicholas helping me over the child-proof gate so I didn’t go spilling onto the main floor, and carrying Iana down with me. As Nicholas opened the door, I moved with him, and as he turned around, he said goodbye to Iana first, who basked in the attention, before he turned and looked at me, the hunger in his eyes returning.

“I’ll see you in a couple of hours,” he replied.

I nodded. “Remember, it’s a Friday, so I’ve got to drop off and pick up Iana and Liam today, and then there’s your plans...”

Nicholas dragged his hand over his face. “Right. Charlotte’s grave.”

“Like I said, I’ll go with you if you want,” I said, reaching up and touching his face. “I really wouldn’t mind, you know.”

Nicholas smiled. “You know as well as I do that one of us has to be at the firm to continue the preliminary work on the Eastman case.”

I rolled my eyes playfully. “Of course, of course. But if I recall correctly, Blomqvist, I’ve done most of the work on the case already...”

Nicholas dragged me to him then, and Iana squealed with delight, and we mutually hushed her as my cheeks bloomed beneath his gaze. “There you go again, Gallagher—keeping me on my toes, just the way I like it.”

I giggled a third time then, really unaware of how to get it out of my system. “Well, I guess it’s one of my many talents.”

“Not the only one that I’m aware of... 

I smirked up at him. “Oh, really?”

“Yes, really,” Nicholas replied, leaning down and kissing me.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” Ian’s voice said from beside us, interrupting us as he stepped forward. “As much as I love it when your boyfriend sleeps over, Murph, keep Iana out of the PDA that comes with it,” he said, stepping in and making a grab for her. “Good morning, princess! Oh!” he said, immediately hold her at arm’s length. “And you decide to take a shit immediately when Uncle Ian takes you! My god,” he muttered to himself, moving her towards the living room, where I assumed he would change her and give her breakfast.

“Bye, bye, Nicky!” Iana called.

“Bye, Ana!” Nicholas replied, turning back to me. “Are you disappointed?”

I grinned up at him. “For a tiny break? No.”

“No. Disappointed that your daughter prefers an abbreviated version of her nickname?”

I laughed aloud then. “No, of course not. In fact, I think it’ll make things easier down the line. If I’m mad at one of them, one of them doesn’t have to be in mortal peril for a second and a half as I say their names.”

Nicholas smirked. “Well, we’d better get our days really started.”

I sighed. “You’re right. I still have to shower and make myself presentable, and get my shit together, and make sure that Iana and Liam are ready...”

Nicholas scooped me up into his arms then, kissing me. “I’ll see you after lunch, okay? Then we can discuss our weekend plans.”

“Here’s an idea,” Ian said, carrying a freshly-smelling Iana back into our midst, whereupon he handed her over. “Why don’t you go over to his condo tonight? There!” he said, walking back towards the kitchen. “Problem solved!”

“What’s up his ass?” Nicholas asked, stepping outside onto the porch.

“Not Trevor,” I replied, smirking for a moment. “I think their honeymoon phase is officially ended, which means that, by default, it’s sickening for him to see anyone else close to him in that phase of their own relationship.”

Nicholas raised his eyebrows. “That’s oddly philosophical, for so early in the morning.”

I laughed. “Another one of my many talents.”

Nicholas leaned down and kissed me again. “Sure you’re okay?”

I rolled my eyes, gently pushing him back. “I can keep Ian and the rest of the Gallagher brood in line,” I replied. “In my three years here, Fiona has taught me well, and now that I’ve got this one to look after,” I said, looking down at Iana.

“Mama!” Iana crowed, pleased at the attention.

“Yes, sweetie,” I said, kissing her forehead before turning to look back at Nicholas, “I think I’ve got things handled here.”

Nicholas held up his hand. “I’ll see you both later then.”

“Say bye, bye,” I whispered to Iana as Nicholas walked away.

“Bye, bye, Nicky!” she called after Nicholas.

“Bye, Ana!” he called back before turning momentarily back to me. “Bye, Murph.”

I bit my lip, wanting to provoke him one last time. “Bye, Nick,” I said, watching his eyes darken as I turned around and slipped back into the house, knowing that I was likely to pay for that later, and looking forward to it.

. . .

I dropped off Iana and Liam at daycare and school respectively, getting to the firm at a good hour and handing over smoothies to Rachel and Cindy, who looked pleased. They’d noticed in the last three weeks—after Nicholas and I had taken off a few weeks during the summer—that there was something different about me. I could detect a new lightness to my step, now that I was not weighed down by the implications of the heavy ring from Josh, and I was much happier on the whole as a person.

“Good night?” Rachel asked casually.

I laughed, sticking the straw of my smoothie into my mouth. “Wouldn’t the whole firm like to know,” I replied.

I headed down the hallway and towards my office, seeing Hugo and Allie in the staff lounge and waved to them briefly before stepping inside. I caught them both smiling as I stepped inside and found myself continually smiling as I shut my door behind me and walked towards my desk. It had been a stunning display during the first week of September, when Nicholas and I had retuned from our summer break, when Hugo and Allie had seemed to accidentally on purpose come into their son’s office without knocking, and had seen us together, locked in an embrace. Initially thinking that we were about to get a scolding, the both of them seemed overjoyed, and I could detect the word, “Finally” on Hugo’s lips after they’d left us alone.

I smirked at the conversation Allie had inevitably had with me, informing me that if Nicholas and I wanted to get frisky at work, then there were certain rules. We had to be all caught up on our paperwork for whatever cases we were working on, plus any messages from any other clients we might have. Then, we would have to lock our office doors, and inform our assistants to hold all of our calls; this would then be passed along to Cindy, Allie’s assistant, and Artie, Hugo’s assistant, who would then automatically receive all of our calls, which would then be transferred to Allie and Hugo in the meantime. The last rule—which was a two-parter, really—was that we had to be as quiet as possible, and that we couldn’t be more than an hour, except if it was after six p.m., and then the time limit could last anywhere until nine p.m., when everyone was expected to leave the firm.

I set down my things and organized them; my office was still in a temporary state of funk, due to me being gone longer than I’d been back. All traces of Josh had vanished, and the crystal cut vases had been smashed by me, Nicholas, Ian, and Fiona over the summer, to signal out with the old and in with the new. I continued in this fashion as I breezed past emails and messages that were considered unimportant, and was pleased when there was a knock at my door just a bit before twelve o’clock.

“Come in!” I called.

Nicholas popped in immediately, shutting and locking the door behind him and moving for me then, and I felt my cheeks flushing as I got to my feet. “Since we didn’t go through the customary precautions,” he said, pulling me towards him, “we only have a few moments before we’re caught.”

“We’d better make the most of them, then,” I replied.

He grinned down at me. “I seem to recall you calling me ‘Nick’ when I left your house earlier this morning,” he said quietly.

I laughed then, feeling utterly delicious at the feeling of his hands on me. “I may have done something like that,” I replied.

“It’s too bad we don’t have longer,” Nicholas said, his breath hot on my throat, “because then I could punish you accordingly. This will have to suffice,” he said, and I felt him disengage one of his hands from its grip around me, and swung it upwards, then down, as a crack resounded around my office, when his palm hit my ass.

Immediately, instinctively, I pressed my face into Nicholas’s shoulder, letting out a soft mewling sound at the beautiful ache that his palm had left. “You’re bad,” I muttered into him as he gathered me close to him again. “So bad,” I whispered, my voice throaty as he tilted my chin up to kiss me.

“And don’t you forget that, Gallagher,” he said, nipping at my lips before slowly releasing me, and I could feel that he regretted doing so.

“Well, you’ll text me, after I get Iana and Liam, then?” I asked as he moved towards the door slowly. “We still need to plan our weekend...although I think I may be spending some of it on ice,” I said with a laugh.

Nicholas turned around, smirking. “Oh, you know I’m going to text you,” he said. “Maybe you and Iana can come and stay at my condo this weekend.”

“Hmmm,” I said, flashing him a grin. “We’ve never done that before.”

“The first of many nights together, Murphy,” Nicholas declared, blowing me a kiss, before he unlocked my office door and slipped out, before shutting it behind him.

I turned around and returned to my work, going over the research on Geoffrey and Guinevere Eastman, a multi-millionaire twin sibling duo who were fighting about the app that they had created. We were working for Guinevere, who claimed that she had created the product, but that her brother had stolen the plans and had only given her ten-percent of the profits. I truly felt for Guinevere, and the logic that the Geoff & Gwen Gizmos were the product of just one of them truly stumped me.

My phone buzzed a short time later, and I smiled as I accessed the texting app.

 _On my way to the cemetery now_. _Miss you already_.

 _See that you do_ , I wrote back. _Because the feeling is mutual_.

As I continued my work, I detected the smell of smoke coming into the office; given that I was placed just outside the staff lounge, and given that we were just past noon, I knew that it was likely that someone had merely burned their lunch. Although the smell was unpleasant, I didn’t let it bother me, and did my best to return to my work. However, the screams that followed were not something I was altogether prepared for, so I got to my feet and opened my office door, and saw many people running around in a frantic manner.

“Hugo?” I called, seeing him running down the hallway, and he moved for me immediately, his eyes filled with concern.

“Murph, someone placed explosives in various air vents throughout the building!” he said, and was coughing, so I knew he’d gotten it pretty bad. “They screwed up the wiring, too, so we’ve got to get out of here! Grab anything important, but hurry!”

I nodded, my heart pounding in fear. “No problem!” I cried, breaking away from him and dashing back into my office.

I grabbed my bag, which was already partially filled, and grabbed all my notes for the Eastman case, knowing that mine were far more detailed than Nicholas’s were anyway. Pushing the thought of our unnecessary competition out of my mind, I next grabbed my contact book and day planner, knowing that I would be lost without either one of those. I finally grabbed all the photographs I had of my family, plus my _Tort_ book, and some other books that I would need, and then made for my office door.

I dashed through the hallway, smoke making my eyes water as I brought my cardigan up and over my mouth, struggling to breathe, coughing my way towards the assistants’ station. I ignored the elevators and making my way towards the emergency stairs, shoving open the door and ignoring the constant smell of urine as I stumbled to make my way to safety. The stairwells were even smokier, and as I struggled to climb down, the screams got louder, and I felt instant relief when I finally reached the bottom, firemen surrounding the people who had gotten out. I shoved open the final door and emerged into the September sunlight, shaking from the sudden change in temperature, blindly feeling my way along the wall of the building.

“Chief Dobsen, that’s one of ours!” said a familiar voice—I knew it to be Hugo’s—as I was suddenly dragged forward. “Murphy, thank god!” Hugo went on, pulling me into a hug; I could feel the relief physically pouring through him.

“You often hug your attorneys, Hugo?” Chief Dobsen joked, fitting me with a respirator, which pumped clean air into my lungs..

“Come off it, Cliff,” Hugo replied, slightly annoyed. “She’s Nicholas’s girlfriend—she’s practically family to Allie and me.”

“Is that right?” Chief Dobsen asked, his rich, Caribbean accent sending a significant amount of comfort through me as my vision returned. “Nice to finally meet the girl who could finally tie Nicholas down. Good to meet you, Murphy.”

I breathed in deeply, temporarily removing the mask. “Nice to meet you, too, Chief Dobsen,” I said, bringing the mask back to my mouth. “Where’s...everyone?” I asked, looking around through the people continuing to stream out.

“Some people are still coming out,” Chief Dobsen replied.

“Others were helping find safe routes for others to leave,” Hugo explained.

I coughed then, immediately grabbing the respirator, my eyes watering as I held it to my face, shaking ever so slightly. “Do we...know who did this?” I asked.

“We’ve sent teams in to get the security footage,” Chief Dobsen assured me. “It will then be handed over the police and dealt with accordingly.”

I gave a stiff nod, continuing to inhale and exhale, attempting to really focus on my breathing, so as the pair of them would leave me alone and potentially help others who needed it more. When they finally drifted away, I took off the respirator, and tried breathing on my own and, once I found I was able to do so, felt unsure of what my mind was telling me to do, but also knowing that I had to help in any way I could. Getting shakily to my feet, and before anyone could tell me to stop, or see what I was doing, I left my bag behind and ran for the door, hearing the collective sirens coming closer, knowing that Ian was likely on his way with his team, and I couldn’t let him convince me not to go back in. Just as I cleared the first flight of stairs, I was jarred by a voice saying my name and, when I turned around, saw Hugo running after me.

“Cliff’ll kill us—but I’ve gotta find Allie,” Hugo declared.

I nodded. “I’ve got to see if I can find Rachel,” I replied.

“We’d better hurry,” Hugo said, pulling his handkerchief out from his pocket and tying it around his mouth, whereupon he grabbed ahold of my cardigan and yanked it off me. “Tie it around your mouth!” he said, through the handkerchief, and I nodded, obeying him as we trekked up the stairs and into the fray.

We heard popping sounds—likely the sound of something detonating—and immediately dove behind a wall. I felt Hugo breathing heavily beside me, and I was concerned for him, but he pushed me on, going towards Allie’s office, while I decided the best way to look for Rachel would be in the ladies’ room. Making my way as quickly as possible past the assistant’s area—which included jumping over overturned desks and chairs—I finally made it to the ladies’ room and shoved the door open.

“Rachel?” I called, struggling to enunciate, due to the possible smoke inhalation. “Are you in here, Rachel?”

A stall door opened slowly, and Rachel popped out, her pale blue eyes taking me in then in a moment of fear. “Murphy?”

“Here, come on,” I said, stepping forward and holding out my hand. “We’ve got to get you out of here, Rachel—haven’t you heard the popping?”

“I thought it was a prank,” Rachel said, sobbing as I moved after her “I thought it was a stupid prank made by teenagers...”

“Aren’t you a teenager?” I asked.

Rachel sighed. “Yeah, yeah I am,” she replied. “My dad is old friends with Hugo, and he got me started here for when you arrived. I was almost sixteen,” she said, her voice breaking. “And I’m going to turn twenty any day now, and now I’m going to die...”

“You listen to me,” I said firmly, keeping a good grip on her arm. “You’re not going to die, okay, Rachel? You’re not.”

Rachel nodded. “Okay. I’m not.”

I sighed, looking around then as the smoke became thicker. “Where’s your cardigan?” I asked her, continuing to attempt to see through the smoke. “You always wear one...”

“I gave it to Cindy when we first got in,” Rachel replied. “She was cold. She must’ve gone to safety and still has it.”

I sighed, immediately removing my cardigan and handing it over, securing it around her head and over her mouth quickly. “Get to the stairs, and get down there as fast as you can,” I ordered her, attempting to keep my voice steady and my breathing even. “Chief Dobsen is out there, and I saw some EMT’s arriving when I came back up.”

Rachel clutched at my arm. “What about you? Aren’t you coming with me?”

I shook my head. “Hugo came up here looking for Allie,” I explained. “I need to make sure they’re out before I leave.”

Rachel nodded, not fully aware if she should leave me or not, but ultimately broke away from me and hurried around the desks, through the smoke, and to the stairs.

Keeping as low as possible, I kept a hand over my mouth as I walked through the smoke, finding the hallway and walking down it. I found Allie’s office through the haze, the door pushed open ajar, and stumbled inside. “Allie?” I said, attempting to look through the smoke. “Allie! Are you in here?!”

“Here!” she called, waving her arms. “Come quick! It’s Hugo!” she said, her voice on the verge of desperation as I stumbled towards her. “He collapsed from the smoke, and I can’t lift him on my own, Murphy...”

“Let’s get him up, then,” I said without hesitation, and bent down, finding his shoulder. “Get his arm over your shoulder, and I’ll do the other one. Got it?”

“Got it,” Allie said, her voice shaking as we managed to lift Hugo between us, and stumbled out of her office.

As we walked, I remembered that there was one more air vent down the hallway, and suddenly wondered if whatever was inside it would go off. As we walked, I heard a clanging from within as we stepped closer, and I knew we only had a few moments. “Down!” I screamed, and Allie dropped to her knees, pulling Hugo with her, but it was too late for me. I felt whatever was inside the vent shoot out as I turned my head away, and make contact with the right side of my neck, singeing my skin and hair instantly. “Fuck!” I yelled, doubling over at the pain, which seared through me, as I attempted to get to my feet.

“Murphy!” Allie screamed.

I shook my head, unwilling for whoever had planted these things to beat me completely. “Come on, Allie. We’ve got to get Hugo out of here while we still can...”

“But, Murph—”

“No, Allie,” I said, my voice firm. “Just across to the lobby, and down the stairs. We’re almost there,” I said, just as we entered the assistant’s area. “Come on.”

Allie and I managed to get over the desk, all the while struggling to breathe, and made it as safely as could be expected to the lobby. When at last we reached the stairs—after hearing several more pops throughout the building, I braced myself momentarily against the doorframe, although I knew we had to hurry. Finally, I pushed myself fully upwards again, and Allie and I stumbled down the four flights of stairs, supporting Hugo between us, and made our way back outside and into the sunshine.

“Jesus Christ, Gallagher,” Chief Dobsen said, shaking his head in shock as Allie and I emerged with Hugo between us. “You’re a keeper.”

“Gallagher?” said a voice in the crowd, as Chief Dobsen lifted Hugo from the two of us and brought him over to the ambulance.

Peering over, I vaguely saw Ian, in his EMT uniform, seeing me standing there, caked in smoke, as I felt the blood pooling out of my neck. “Ian...” I whispered.

“Murph!” he said, immediately charging forward. “What the hell?!”

I blinked, trying to remain steady on my feet, but found it was too difficult to do so, as blackness threatened to overtake my vision. “Ian...”

“What?” Ian asked, nearly to me.

“Catch me,” I whispered, my knees buckling, the last thing I saw was Ian charging for me then before I collapsed onto the concrete.

. . .

NICHOLAS’S POV

“We’re going to put your sister into a medically induced coma so that we can determine her smoke inhalation, and the damage done to the right side of her neck.”

“That sounds fine. Thank you.”

“Thank you, doctor, for looking out for our sister.”

“Ian! Fiona!” I called, finally getting towards the fray of what was happening. “Is everything okay? I got the text from my mom as soon as I got back to my car...”

“There was a fire at the firm, Nicholas,” Ian said, his voice devoid of emotion, but his eyes having a different story to tell.

“Were there any...” I clear my throat. “...casualties?”

“One confirmed,” Fiona replied, and I felt my heart stampeding for my throat in the wake of her answering the question fully.

Ian’s brow furrowed in an attempt to remember. “Cindy something...”

“She’s my mother’s assistant—nice young woman,” I replied, looking around. “They told me where my parents were, and I had to bribe them to tell me where Murphy was...”

Fiona caught Ian looking at the room I assumed was Murphy’s, a tortured look on his face, so she attempted to ease the tension. “How are your parents?” she asked.

I sighed; it was obviously an easier subject for them to hear about right now. “My dad went into cardiac arrest ten minutes ago,” I replied, and Ian turned back to me, raising his eyebrows. “He’s okay, though—they brought him back...”

“And your mom?” Fiona asked.

“Minor smoke inhalation—not as bad as my dad’s—but they both got some minor burns, which the doctors are looking at...”

Ian nodded. “Well, it’s good that they’re looking at all of it...”

“It’s good that they’re taking a look at everyone,” Fiona said quietly.

“Where’s Iana?” I asked, hoping I was asking an appropriate question. “Is she still at daycare, or...?” I wanted to know.

“Trevor got her and Liam from daycare and school,” Ian said, his voice quiet, restrained. “He took them back to the house, trying to keep a sense of normalcy...”

“And Murphy?” I asked, trying my best to keep my own tone restrained. “They barely gave me the information where she was. I don’t even know if...” I said, knowing that it wouldn’t be the best thing to cry right now, but, nevertheless, the tears formed at the back of my eyes, while I did my best to prevent them from escaping.

“She’s in there,” Fiona said quietly.

“What did the doctor’s say?” I asked.

“Burns,” Ian said quietly. “And she took some smoke to her lungs pretty good...”

I nodded, sensing from his tone that that wasn’t the extent to it. “What aren’t you telling me here?” I asked, and both of their eyes snapped to mine.

“There were small, little, pipe-bomb-like things packed into the air vents of the firm,” Fiona said carefully, as Ian stepped slightly away from us, and placed his head onto the wall. “When Murphy went back inside...”

“Hold on,” I said, holding up my hand. “I was told she got out quickly...”

“She went back in,” Ian replied, speaking through his teeth.

“Jesus,” I whispered, putting my face into my hands for a moment. “What possessed her to go back inside, after she was safe...?”

“Her assistant, Rachel,” Ian whispered. “She wanted to make sure she was okay. Then, your dad went in after her, to get your mom...”

“Okay...?” I said, turning back to Fiona. “Then what happened?”

“As I understand it, Murphy found Rachel and sent her out, then went to check and see if your parents had gotten out,” she said quietly. “Then, once she found then, instead of running for help, Murphy got them both out of there, but...”

“What?” I whispered, looking between them, my heart hammering in my chest as I thought of all the things that could’ve happened to her. “Tell me.”

“A pipe bomb or whatever that thing was exploded,” Ian said, his voice expressionless again—he was numbing himself to the pain, I saw that now. “The bomb went off, and it hit Murphy. She was bleeding pretty bad...”

I shut my eyes, attempting to steady myself, wondering if I would be re-encountering my girlfriend in several pieces. “Where did it hit her?”

“The neck,” Fiona said, her voice hitching as she, too attempted to keep it together. “Ended up flaming up some of her hair, too...”

“Is she all right?” I whispered, my voice cracking, as I opened my eyes. “I mean, she’s going to be all right, isn’t she?”

Ian sighed. “We’re hopeful.”

“Can I see her?” I asked, looking between them. “Please?”

Fiona bit her lip and turned to Ian. “What do you think?”

Ian sighed. “Go in and sit with her. It’s what she’d want, Nicholas.”

I felt the relief hit me then as if I’d been punched in the gut, but I nodded, attempting to keep my cool. “Thank you,” I said softly, going over to the door and taking ahold of the handle, before I stepped inside. I shuddered slightly as the door closed automatically behind me, and as I walked over to the bed, I got a good look at Murphy then, and I felt the tears coming automatically as I moved to sit beside her. “Jesus, Murph. What the hell were you thinking?” I whispered.

Her hair had been trimmed to just an inch or two below her shoulders, due to the scorching it had sustained near the burn on her neck. The wound itself was bandaged, and the gauze holding it in place nearly matched the color of her skin. There were several other burns along her fingertips, and I saw bruises on her arms and legs, likely where she’d stumbled while attempting to get through the smoke. There was an ashy tone to several portions of her body, letting me know that she had truly been inside of a burning building. There were several superficial cuts on her knuckles, and around her lips, but she was still just as beautiful as she had always been, from that first day I’d met her.

“Murphy,” I whispered, reaching out and touching her cheek. “You scared the hell out of me today... You can’t do that...”

. . .

MURPHY’S POV

“...you can’t do that.”

Immediately, I felt the need for my eyes to shoot open, but the medication pumping through my system had rendered me exhausted, and I couldn’t. I recognized Nicholas’s voice immediately, and yet I knew that if my body reacted of its own accord, then the heart monitor would alert every doctor into my room. I couldn’t have that; and yet, in this instance, the medication seemed to be on my side, keeping me virtually silent.

 _I_ ’ _d scared him_? Such a thing seemed almost foreign to me, and yet, I was desperate to hear his voice again...

“The moment I heard you were here, I had to come down and see you... Of course, it was easy to do that, because my parents are here, too... I ran into Ian and Fiona outside. They’re really worried about you, Murphy, and so am I. What possessed you to run back into a burning building to save my parents?”

I felt the urgent desire to smirk, but I couldn’t move.

“It’s just as well,” he said, sighing then. “Just goes to show you why I care about you do much—you’re so goddamned stubborn. Normally, it’s an unattractive quality, Murph, but, somehow, you wear it very well...”

If only I could get up and dance for him in that moment, because I was in desperate need to shake my hips at the notion that he knew me so well.

“I guess what this all comes down to is, you scared the fuck out of me today,” he went on, and I stopped dancing internally, “which made me put things into perspective.”

 _Perspective_? I thought to myself. _Oh_ , _no_ , _no_ , _no_ , _no_. _This can_ ’ _t be good_ — _none of this can be good_! _What if he wants to end things_?! _What if_ —?

“It’s not what you think,” he said gently, and the sensation of his hand in mine then sent my mind over the moon. “I love you, Murphy,” he said softly. “I love you so much, and I can’t have you scaring me like that if we’re going to make this work. You were a hero today, by saving my parents, and I think you for it, but you don’t need to save a life to be a hero. You just need to be yourself, Murph. And be mine, Murph,” he whispered, his breath hot on my cheek then as he leans down, and gently brushes his lips with mine. “I need to go and check on my parent’s now, Murph, but I’ll be back soon. I promise.”

I listen as he walks out of the room, and the click of the door as it closes behind him. And then, I am suddenly brought out from the curtain I am held under, and I open my eyes slowly. I look around my room then, shaking my head, and wondering if this is just all the medication getting to me as I turn at the sound of the door opening a second time.

“Ian,” I say, smiling as he comes in.

“They need to up your medication,” he said with a lighthearted chuckle, as the door opened wider behind him, and Fiona came inside after him.

“Hey, Fi,” I said as she bustled past Ian, throwing her arms around me. “Hey, watch the I.V.! I mean, the last thing I want is for some doctor to come running in here, and...”

“Too late,” said a voice, and the door opened wider, revealing the doctor, a clipboard in his hand as he looked it over. “Oh,” he said, lowering it. “Murphy?”

I raised my eyebrows then, feeling more secure with the notion that Ian and Fiona were there by my side, although quickly wondering if I stood to still be arrested that afternoon, given the complexity of the circumstances currently before me. “Hey, Josh,” I said, getting a good look at his nose, which was no longer straight and perfect, but possessed a reasonably visible bump along its bridge, which it had sustained when I’d slammed my forehead into it, only three months previously. “How’s it going?”

Josh shrugged. “Can’t complain. How about you?”

I shrugged back at him, feeling pretty positive that he’d taken a good look at the clipboard and had a pretty good idea of what my day had been like. “The same.”

Josh nodded, and I knew he was putting the hard feelings on the back burner for a while, for the notion that he had an obligation to his patient overrode his personal feelings. “All right. Let’s take a look at you,” he said, and stepped forward.


	2. Before I Fall

“The doctors said you could stay longer,” Nicholas said, watching as I continued moving around my room, gathering up the things that Ian and Fiona had brought for me, and shoving them into my duffel bag. “You don’t need to just go home and rely on pain pills...”

“I need to go home, Nicholas,” I replied, forcing my voice to remain patient with him as I kept on putting things to rights. “Iana hates coming here—she senses my anxiety of having her here and she reacts to that badly. I have to go home. I have the medications I’ll need, plus Allie’s okay to work from home for a few weeks while I continue my recovery.”

“It’s not because of Josh, is it?” he asked, and I hesitated for a moment, midway folding a sweater Fiona had loaned me, that I’d promised to wash before bringing back. “I mean, does it make you uncomfortable that he was overseeing your care?”

I sighed, finishing up the folding process and looking up at him. “I don’t know if you’re asking for your sake, or for mine,” I replied, and Nicholas looked away from me, as if he’d been caught in a lie. “I mean, does it make you uncomfortable?”

He continued staring at the floor. “I’ll admit, I didn’t like it.”

“Jesus, Nicholas,” I said, turning around and straightening the comforter of my bed, despite the notion that they would strip it and wash everything. “For Christ’s sake, you’re almost thirty-years-old! Stop this teenage boy behavior, please.”

“Yeah, and you’re almost twenty-four,” Nicholas threw back at me, and I turned around to look at him then. “Life’s short, Murphy.”

I sighed, nodding. “I know that. There were only two things on my mind when I fainted—well, three.”

“Three things?”

I pursed my lips, crossing my arms. “Three people, and Fiona will be pissed that she’s no longer the third most important person in my life... Well, I guess she still is.”

“Iana’s the first, I hope,” Nicholas put in.

I smiled. “Of course she is.”

“So, two people are tied for second?”

I nodded. “Yeah.”

“Who are they?”

I moved to sit down on the bed, and felt relieved when Nicholas moved to sit down beside me, and I took my hand in his. “You and Ian are tied for second,” I replied. “Ian’s my best friend and my twin, but you’re my boyfriend. I care about the both of you, but the equality runs into a gray area, considering that I met you before I really knew the truth about who I really was, but Ian and I got along better than we did at first.”

Nicholas nodded, absorbing what I was saying. “I was a jackass.”

I nodded back at him, a laugh escaping my lips. “You were a total jackass, but it takes a man to admit that he was wrong.”

“I was the textbook for behaving badly,” he replied. “I don’t think I’ll ever be able to apologize enough for my douchebag behavior.”

“Hey, you had a rough past, plus Charlotte had just taken a turn for the worse,” I replied, putting my head down on his shoulder. “I mean, once you knew my full story, you could understand when I was a total bitch sometimes, right?”

Nicholas’s lips morphed into a smirk against my forehead, before he turned fully to kiss me there, and I felt a rush of something flowing through me at the touch of his lips. “You were never anything but appropriately on the offensive,” he replied quietly. “You were just reacting to my negative behavior, and I quite enjoyed your methods of doing so...”

I scoffed, pulling away from him, but felt the scoff turn into a squeal as he snaked an arm around my waist and pulled me gently closer to him. “You’re just saying that because I fucked you. I didn’t know what else to do, and you were so goddamned sexy...”

“Oh?” Nicholas said, amusement at the back of his tone as he attempted to catch my eye. “You thought I was sexy, Gallagher?”

I shook my head, laugher escaping my lips before I could call it back. “Slip of the tongue—I did not just say that!”

Nicholas chuckled warmly. “Shame,” he said, and I felt frozen then as our eyes locked; the only thing moving was my heart, still hammering away in my chest. “I liked it when you slipped me the tongue, Murphy.”

I shook my head then, willing myself out from under his spell. “You’re... You’re a fucking pervert,” I said, a laugh escaping my lips.

“Oh, really?” he asked, leaning down then, capturing my lips with his, and I felt a moan escape from mine as I lifted my arms up and around his neck, anchoring myself closer to him, to the point that I was practically on his lap. “I don’t want you to go home...”

“Why?” I asked, running my tongue over his lips. “I have to get back to Iana...”

“Mind if I stay awhile?” he asked, and I pulled back, looking up at him in shock. “I know that it’s totally cliché, but this fire got me thinking that we need to spend more time together. Please, Murphy—I just want to be with you and Iana...”

I raised my eyebrows at him. “Really? That’s all you want?”

Nicholas nodded. “Yes. I won’t do anything you’re not comfortable with—you’re still healing, and the last thing I’d want to do is push you...”

“But?” I asked.

“But I like the feeling of holding you at night,” he admitted. “That’s all I want. To sleep next to you, and to hold you.”

I nodded. “Okay,” I replied, getting to my feet and organizing my duffel again, remembering the last time I used it was to flee to Mexico.

“Okay? Just like that?”

I smirked, turning to look at him over my shoulder. “It’s okay with me, Nicholas, but you’ve got to get past the warden.”

“The warden?” Ian asked, stepping into my room without knocking as I straightened up. “Is that what you call me when I’m not around?”

“That, among other things,” I replied, moving towards him and accepting his hug. “How’s things going today?”

“Fiona is at the house, watching Iana and Liam, until we get back,” Ian said carefully. “We have to be quick, though—she needs to get back to the diner.”

I nodded. “Understood,” I replied, turning back to my duffel and zipping it shut, before making a move to unplug my phone from its charger on the wall, which I put into the front flap of my duffel and my pocket respectively. “Nicholas just has something minor to ask you before we drive home.”

“Yeah?” Ian asked, moving to take my duffel from me before I decided to carry it myself, and turned to look at Nicholas. “What’s up, man?”

“I was wondering if I could crash at your place for a couple of days,” Nicholas replied. “I want to keep spending time with Murphy.”

Ian shrugged. “Fine by me,” he replied, turning back to me. “Let me know if you want me to move the crib into my room at any time, okay?”

I rolled my eyes. “Come on, Ian—I’m recovering from a skin graft,” I said, knowing that I would be in dire need of some pain medication for it soon. “The last thing I want is this one attempting to do anything untoward.”

Nicholas scoffed. “You wish.”

“Okay, kids,” Ian said, rolling his eyes at our demeanor as I put on my cardigan. “I’m going to bring this down to the car. Why don’t you follow in about five minutes? I’ll pull it around to the front, okay?”

I nodded. “Can do,” I replied, saluting him as I turned back to face him. “I mean, you drove here, right? You don’t need, like, a ride or anything...?”

Nicholas shook his head. “No, I drove, it’s fine. I’ll check on my dad one more time—my mom’s still in there with him. Lucas should be getting in today, and I’ve got to get him from the airport before heading back to my place, where I’ll shower, change, and pack a bag. I’ll ask Lucas if he wants to stay at my place—I know he likes the privacy.”

I smiled up at him then, knowing that I have to put a brave face on now. “You know, if you just want to head over now, that would be fine.”

Nicholas’s arm snaked around my body again, almost as if he was unwilling to be parted from me, even for a couple of hours. “You sure? I really don’t mind walking you down.”

I shake my head at him. “No, that’s all right,” I assure him. “I need to make sure I didn’t forget anything and, like it or not, you’re quite the distraction.”

He smirked down at me and pulled me to him, gently kissing my lips before letting me go. “Only if you’re sure, Murphy.”

I nodded up at him. “I’m sure. I’ll see you at my place in a couple of hours. Please send your parents my love.”

“I know they’d love to see you before you go...”

I laughed. “I’m sure they’ve had enough of me. Let them know that I’ll come by as soon as your father is home. I don’t want to overwhelm them or anything...”

“You could never do that,” Nicholas said gently, and held me to him for a moment, kissing my forehead before letting me go. “I’ll see you soon, okay?”

I gave him another nod, in an attempt to reassure him. “Soon... Soon is good.” I smiled up at him again as he held onto my hand, keeping it within his grip as he moved to leave my room, the door swinging automatically behind him.

I approached the mirror that was on the opposite wall, next to the door, finally having the courage to look at myself after being confined to that godforsaken bed for days. I moved my now-shorter hair from its position of concealing the wound upon my neck, running my fingers along the bandaged area, tensing a little at the flares of pain that went through me as my fingertips grazed it. I nipped at my lower lip, my brow furrowing at what would’ve happened had I been alone, in that dark moment, inside the building, as it threatened to crumble around Allie, Hugo, and I.

The surgeon had informed me that I was very lucky, in getting out quickly, and because it only affected a couple of layers of my skin. It had not caused major bleeding, and there was no internal bleeding whatsoever, thankfully. Since they had gotten to it so quickly, and due to the high-quality of care that I could afford, they’d treated me for all kinds of infections, and I was even permitted to take the bandages off periodically to clean the wound, but, of course, would have to replace them immediately afterwards. There would be a scar, I’d been told, and, from what I could tell, it would be a good three or four inches along the side of my neck. My hair could work at covering it but, on a hot day, when I would want to put my hair up, I knew the world was likely to see it for themselves.

Because of my selfless act of saving Allie and Hugo from the destruction, I was now physically marked for life. Although I didn’t regret my actions—not for a minute—I did consider, as I had done upon my escape from the building, what would’ve happened to Iana. I shook my head then, knowing that the very person who had caught me before I feel was the answer. My brother, Ian, would have stepped in immediately if I had taken a turn for the worse—even died—and I had faith that he would’ve done right by her. Despite my knowledge that this who scenario could’ve ended in my death, I knew that, by surviving, I would be stronger as a person.

As my phone vibrated in my pocket, I dashed my tears away then, pushing the thought of my death from my mind as I inspected the phone. Rolling my eyes, I saw that it was just Ian, telling me to extract myself from my boyfriends’ clutches and to come and meet him. I let him know that I would be down shortly and, after giving my hospital room one last cursory glance, I moved to leave it for the last time.

. . .

Fiona only had the opportunity to give me a quick hug upon my return home, and I immediately gathered Iana to me, needed the comfort that only my little girl could give. I sat on the couch, doing my best to listen to Liam’s animated account of returning to school, and about how his fellow students were jealous that he was now an uncle two-times over. Liam soon grew tired of rehashing tales, and finally went upstairs to finish his homework.

“Trevor’s coming by later,” Ian put in.

I looked up at him then, just as he moved to sit next to me. “Yeah?” I asked, letting out a short laugh as Iana moved to him. “That’s great.”

Ian nodded, picking up Iana and putting her onto his lap, staring at me. “How are you holding up?” he asked gently. “Glad to be home?”

I nodded. “Yeah, absolutely,” I replied, lowering my eyes to Iana. “Are you happy that Mama’s home, princess?”

“Mama’s home!” Iana said, clapping her hands. “Iana happy!”

I leaned in closer and kissed her forehead, before looking back up at Ian. “I know it’s going to take some adjusting, with this,” I said, gritting my teeth. “I’m glad you volunteered to be one of the people to see to it. All about angles, you know...”

Ian smiled. “Sure, no problem,” he replied. “Do we know how long you’ll look temporarily like a mummy?” he asked. “Will you be saving money on a Halloween costume?”

I scoffed, leaning back against the couch and doing my best not to clip my wound. “Two weeks for the bandages,” I replied, “and Hugo and Allie have given me an additional four weeks off to recover fully...” I shrugged. “I guess when you safe both of your bosses lives, you kind of become a high-priority...”

“Plus, you’re Nicholas’s girlfriend,” Ian put in.

I rolled my eyes. “Yeah, there’s that,” I replied.

“Have Hugo and Allie said what’s going to happen after you can get back to work physically, and not just work from home?” he wanted to know.

“They mentioned that an interim building will be arranged, while they look into who planted the pipe bombs which started all this,” I replied. “They have to meet with the insurance company and go through negotiations to find out if there will be enough in the budget to restore the firm to its former glory, and then comes the discussion on whether or not they’ll even want to build at the same location...”

“You don’t have to deal with all of that, do you?”

I shook my head, checking my phone as it beeped, letting me know I could partake in some more pain medication. “No,” I replied, shaking my head as I got to my feet and reached into my purse, the orange bottle staring back at me. I unscrewed the cap and removed two pills, putting them into my hand before I returned the bottle to my purse and crossed over to the kitchen. “Now that Hugo and Allie are running the firm solo, it’s up to them.”

“I thought that Nicholas was getting a piece of the cake, and that they were considering putting your name into the mix,” Ian said, his voice steady as I got a glass of water.

I shrugged. “There’s been discussions.”

“And? Anything promising?” Ian asked.

I popped the pills into my mouth, chasing them down with some water as I shuddered, the pair of pills snaking their way down my throat to get to work. “Nothing recently, but that’s okay. I’m no longer just an associate anymore.”

“Really?” Ian asked.

I nodded. “Really. I heard Allie and Hugo considering it after Nicholas and I had the big win with the Farris case, and Hugo mentioned it to me yesterday when I was visiting him. They’re going to make it known that, when we all start work again, that Nicholas and I are the same ranking within the firm.”

Ian grinned. “That’s fantastic news!” he cried as I moved to return to the couch. “How did Nicholas react?”

“He was there,” I replied. “He was just as happy as I was.”

He nodded. “I’m glad to hear it.”

I cocked my head to one side, hesitating for a moment as I mulled over my reply, not wanting to start a fight, but also wanting my questions answered. “Something tells me that there’s something unspoken here...”

Ian shrugged. “Maybe.”

I raised my eyebrows, reaching out and gently bringing Iana back to me, who settled quickly into my arms. “Care to share?”

He sighed. “It’s just... I don’t know. You used to go on and on about how much of a douchebag Nicholas was, and about how things between you were just... F-U-C-K-I-N-G,” he said, not wanting Iana to pick up foul language. “And that stunt he pulled in the courtroom the first time you were questioning a witness together... That was a new low.”

I sighed, leaning my uninjured side against the couch, twirling my fingers into Iana’s raven hair, which had become significantly longer over the summer. “I know it was, Ian, but things are different now...”

“How can you be sure?” he asked.

I shrugged, not wanting to share what I thought I’d heard while under the influence of a heavy dose of pain medication. “Because of the way things are. You’ve seen us together. He cares about me, Ian, and I care about him. Plus, he loves Iana.”

“What about you?” Ian askes then, and my cheeks heat immediately as I do my best not to meet his eyes. “Does he even love you, Murphy?”

I sighed. “It’s not like that with us, Ian.”

“What? You don’t say ‘I love you’ every five minutes?”

I shook my head. “No.”

“Why?”

I turned to Ian and made a face. “Come on. You yourself told me that the first time you and Mickey proclaimed your love, that neither of you knew about it. The second time he did it, you broke up with him, just like the second time you told him. Don’t tell me how to go about with my relationship, Ian. Don’t.”

“The problem is, Murph, is that it’s not just you in this thing,” he replied, nodding down at Iana, who was sucking on her own fingers, which I immediately moved out of her mouth and took her into the kitchen for a bottle. “Murph...”

“Stop,” I whispered, my voice shaking as I retrieved a bottle from the fridge and gave it to her. “I know what you’re saying—I hear you...”

“No, I don’t think you are hearing me,” he replied, coming after me into the kitchen. “You have Iana to think about—she’s not just a baby anymore. She’s walking and talking, and has her own thoughts and feelings. What are you going to do long-term? She sees you and Nicholas together, and for all we know, she may think that Nicholas is her D-A-D-D-Y.”

I looked away from Ian. “That’s ridiculous.”

“No, it really isn’t, Murphy,” Ian replied. “What’s going to happen down the line, if things don’t work out with Nicholas, and Iana thinks it’s her fault?”

Immediately, my eyes locked with his. “I’d never let her think that!”

“She wouldn’t believe you,” Ian cut in, and part of me had to admit he was right, for I always thought it had been my fault when Martin had left Tina and me. “You know as well as I do that children blame themselves whenever a parent, or a parental figure, leaves.”

I bit my lip, pressing my face into Iana’s hair, not wanting to hear it. “It’s not like that, Ian. It’s not going to be like that...”

“Oh, so I take it you and Nicholas have planned for the future?”

I raised my eyes to his and give him an annoyed expression. “It’s been three months!”

“So, I take it that’s a no?”

“That’s a hell no,” I replied, placing Iana in her day bed and walking back to the couch—a side affect of my pain medication was dizziness, and I would not risk dropping my daughter. “Of course we haven’t, Ian. It’s too soon.”

“Well, what do you want to happen, Murphy?” Ian asked, catching me by the wrist as I walked away from him. “Don’t walk away from this. This is serious.”

I sighed, knowing that I couldn’t say it. “I don’t know...”

“Yeah, you do know,” he replied, turning me around then, taking note of the tears in my eyes which refused to fall, due to my damned pride. “Do you love him?”

I shook my head immediately. “No! No, of course I don’t!” I burst out.

“Of course you don’t?!” Ian demanded, dropping my arm as if it had burned him. “What kind of an answer is that? Are you afraid to love someone, Murphy? Are you?”

I looked away and shrugged. “I don’t know.”

“Are you afraid that the person will leave, if you love them?” he asked, his tone gentler this time around. “Because of what happened with Jessica and Lip?”

I kept my eyes averted, focusing on a space of the wooden floor that was darker than the rest. “I don’t know...” I said again.

“Bullshit!” Ian replied, and my eyes immediately locked to his, the tears nearly blinding me now as my twin came closer and closer to the truth. “You know Murphy—you know. Why don’t you just admit it?”

“Because, if I admit it, then it’ll be real!” I cried out, covering my face with my hands. “I’m just afraid that I pushed Josh away and ran into Nicholas’s arms because I couldn’t handle the perfectionist lifestyle he’d created for himself...”

“You said it had to do with him cheating, and what he was like in bed...”

“Yeah, well,” I said, dragging my hands along my face before letting them fall at my side, “it also could’ve had to do with his saintly mother telling him who I lost my virginity to.”

Ian’s eyes widened. “Whoa, wait. Josh’s mother told him about you and Lip?”

I nodded, collapsing back onto the couch. “Yeah.”

“Jesus,” he muttered, moving to sit beside me.

I crossed my arms. “And the bitch didn’t even tell him the full story...”

“What full story?”

I turned and looked at Ian. “That Lip and I didn’t know at the time,” I replied, “which, arguably, makes me sound like even more of a freak...”

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” he said, quickly turning towards Iana, who was too busy enjoying her bottle to take much notice. “That bitch obviously has nothing better to do than poison people against you...”

I shrugged. “Hey, I guess she really didn’t approve of me for her son. Heaven knows how she reacted to what I did to his nose after I gave the ring back...”

Ian smirked. “That’s the Gallagher way.”

I turned and met his eyes then, forming my hand into a fist, which Ian promptly bumped. “That’s the Gallagher way,” I repeated.

. . .

Nicholas was still crashing at our place a week later, when Ian had to pull a double. Iana and Liam were already in bed, and Nicholas was peeling back my bandages to clean the wound for the umpteenth time. I still had a week to go on this treatment, and then I would be able to get the bandages removed completely, which I was looking forward to. I was surprised that Nicholas had begged off treating the wound since the beginning, leaving Ian to do the job himself, with Fiona even stepping in a few times as cover. Nicholas cringed then as he removed the last layer of gauze—separating him from the scar and skin, which was still slightly frayed in some places from the skin graft.

“What?” I asked, determined to keep my eyes down, and had failed miserably. “Is something wrong, Nicholas?”

He shook his head, immediately moving for the alcohol, which he had to put along the scar before the topical ointment was applied. “Nothing,” he said quickly, too quickly, as he moved carefully to apply the alcohol, and I winced. “Sorry.”

“I’m fine,” I assured him.

Nicholas grimaced again, but nevertheless sanitized my wound before he put on the ointment, before he wrapped it up with the gauze and put on the top layer of the bandage. “There,” he said, moving away quickly and washing his hands.

“The fuck’s up with you?” I asked, my voice quiet as I got to my feet.

Nicholas avoided my eyes then, washing his hands in the sink beside me. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Murphy.”

I sighed, my shoulders slacking as I as I filled another glass of water for myself, knowing that my alarm for my pain medication would be ringing any minute. “Fine, be that way if you want to be,” I fire back at him, making way back into the living room.

“Murphy...”

“No,” I said, my voice firm as my pill alarm went off, and I popped two into my mouth almost effortlessly, despite hating how groggy that made me feel.

“Murph...”

“Just...stop,” I said, hating my voice for breaking, deliberately looking away from him as I gulped down the water in an effort to distract myself.

“Murphy, please,” Nicholas said, his voice filled with desperation.

“No, Nicholas, you please,” I snapped, turning around and facing him, and nearly stumbling over when I realized that he was so close. I braced myself against the side of the couch, and Nicholas caught me before I fell, but I promptly shoved him away from me. “No!” I shouted at him. “No, you do not just get to do that!”

“Do what?! Help you?!”

“Help me, touch me—whatever!” I cried, throwing up my hands. “You’re acting like you’ve been walking on glass this past week! I’m your girlfriend—we’re supposed to communicate when something’s up! Fucking talk to me!” I cried out, my voice breaking as I reached up, cradling his face in my hands. “Say something,” I begged him, my voice trembling then as I attempted to keep a leg up in this conversation.

Nicholas caught me to him then, kissing me, hard, and I let him, mentally crossing my fingers that this would lead to conversation. He broke away as quickly as he had grabbed me, his dark blue eyes filled with emotion. “Do you know how fucking scared I was, Murphy?” he whispered, his voice trembling as well.

“Nicholas?” I asked.

“When my mom called, after I visited Charlotte’s grave...” He shook his head, his voice breaking as he rested his forehead against mine. “All I could think about was the fact that she said, ‘Now, I don’t want you to be scared, but Murphy came back for your father and I in the building, and she saved our lives’. This was, of course, after she said that there were pipe bombs and a fire in the building. I was scared, Murphy—scared out of my mind that I would be burying someone else I cared out in less than a year,” he said, his voice shaking.

I lowered my eyes, shaking my head. In all of this, I’d never considered any of it from Nicholas’s point of view. All I’d thought about was my own heroics and how selfless I was, plus that Iana would’ve been well taken care of by Ian... “I’m sorry,” I whispered, feeling secure with his hands on me.

“Look, Murphy—I’m not mad at you,” he said softly. “I’m fucking grateful that you saved my parents’ lives, I really am. But the fact that your own life was on the line...”

“Nicholas,” I said softly, raising my eyes to his, “I’m fine.”

“Don’t say that for my benefit, Murphy—”

“No, I’m fine!” I burst out then, reaching up and removing my bandage from my neck as quickly as I could, and Nicholas’s eyes widened.

“Murphy, I’ll have to do it up again—”

“I’ll fucking do it, since it bothers you so much!” I grumbled back. “I need you to look at me, Nicholas—all of me,” I told him, my voice firm. “You accepted the burn mark on my hip, and now I need you to accept the scar I’ve got on my neck,” I said, my voice trembled. “It’s not going anywhere, just like the one on my hip is staying put.”

“Murphy—”

“No, I need you to hear this,” I said, the tears frozen in my eyes as my voice refused to stop its shaking tone. “I’m not broken.”

“Murphy, I never said that you were—”

“No, but the fact that you’re treating me like I can fucking break at any moment needs to stop immediately, Nicholas!” I cried out. “I’m not fucking broken, and I don’t need you to show up on a fucking white horse and fix me. I fucking care about you, and I want you in my life, but if you think my life needs fixing, like I’m some damsel in distress or fragile creature, then you’re dead wrong!” I told him. “I was on my own until I was twenty-one—no familial love, and just an ounce or two from Jessica. Until I found my family, I didn’t even know what love was. Once I found it, I was scared, because I knew I could stand to lose it.”

Nicholas dropped his eyes, saying nothing.

I reached out then and tilted his chin up. “No, I need you to look at me when I say this. I know that there’s something between us, Nicholas, but if you’re just waiting around for me to break so that you can either pick up the pieces, or throw up your hands and say that all of this is too much for you, then there’s the door.”

Nicholas looked at me then, his eyes wide. “Murphy...”

“What?” I whispered. “What do you want, Nicholas? What do you want from all this? Because if you want me to be fixed, it’s not going to happen, because I’m not fucking broken. What you see is what you get.”

Nicholas closed the distance between us then, and without hesitation, replied, “What I see is what I want,” he whispered, leaning down and kissing the scar on my neck. “All of it,” he proclaimed then, lifting me up into his arms and slamming me back down onto the couch, and I reached up then, unbuttoning his shirt faster than lightning, as he did the same to mine, and soon there we were, not a stitch of clothing on either of us, making love as quickly as we could, for we knew that Ian could walk through the door at any minute.


	3. Underneath It All

In the week that followed, Nicholas and I were closer than ever, and had even taken Iana out a few times as a couple. I saw people staring at us, knowing that they assumed that Iana was Nicholas’s daughter, and although I was positive that Nicholas noticed and assumed the same, we never discussed it. Iana was in her element as the center of attention, and would favor the park most of all, climbing up onto the play structure and shouting excitedly for me and Nicholas to watch her. The swings were her favorite—like me—and she would cry out to be pushed higher and higher; part of me wondered if she wanted to touch the sky, and I wondered when she would realize that such a thing was impossible from a mere playground swing.

An interim location had been set up for the firm, in an old brick building downtown while negotiations with the insurance company continued to drag on. At this point, only Allie and Nicholas were back to work, while Rachel was still too shaken to return full-time, and I still had some more days while I recovered completely. Hugo, meanwhile, had been moved from the hospital and was continuing his recovery at home; part of Hugo’s therapy was reading depositions, and I knew his primary care providers were quickly becoming impatient with him and his lack of interest in relaxation.

“Dad really misses you,” Nicholas put in, one evening after he had agreed to embrace the whole me, and to admit that I was not broken.

“Hmmm?” I asked in response. We had just put Iana to bed a few minutes ago, and were waiting for Ian and Trevor to return from a date, while Liam was in the kitchen, just a few feet away from us, finishing his homework. “That’s sweet. I miss him, too.”

“Murphy?” Liam asked, turning around. “Multiplying fractions...”

I smirked, turning to look at Nicholas. “Sister duty. Pardon me for a moment,” I said, waiting for Liam to turn back to his homework, whereupon I kissed him, hard, on the mouth. “I’ll be right back,” I assured him.

“You better be,” Nicholas replied, humor in his voice as I strutted coyly away from him, moving into the kitchen.

“What do you got?” I asked, pulling up a chair and sitting beside Liam. “It looks like you have 7/8 multiplied by 9/5. Now, you remember your multiplication?”

“Yes,” Liam replied.

“Good,” I said. “Here,” I went on, pulling a piece of scratch paper towards me, and picking up a spare pencil. “Why don’t we try it like this? Put 7x9 on the top here,” I continued, drawing a line underneath the sum, “and then 8x5. What do we get?”

“7x9 is 63, and 8x5 is 40,” Liam said, doing the math quickly in his head.

“Right. Go ahead and write that down,” I said, nodding. “Very good, Liam. It usually asks you to reduce them, but you can’t reduce these, unfortunately, and they don’t ask you to put them into mixed number form, so you’re all good.”

“Can I use this same system with other multiplying fractions?” Liam wanted to know.

I nodded. “You absolutely can, if it makes it easier for you.”

Liam grinned up at me. “Thanks, Murphy!” he said.

I leaned down to kiss his forehead as he turned to work, crossing back to the couch and sitting beside Nicholas. “Sorry about that,” I said quietly.

Nicholas immediately shook his head. “No, don’t apologize,” he said with a smile. “I like watching you work with Liam—he’s a good kid. And all kids need a little help now and again, Murph, and I’m glad you’re here to help.”

I smiled at him, kissing him when I made sure that Liam was not looking. “Half an hour more and then it’s bedtime,” I called over to him.

“I know!” Liam called, scribbling even faster on his scratch paper.

“How’s Hugo doing?” I asked, redirecting the conversation as I turned away from my brother to face Nicholas. “You said he was off the respirator completely, and now he’s actually able to get out of bed for a while?”

“Yes, and the doctors are getting annoyed with him,” Nicholas replied, a smug expression on his face at the notion of his father denying them the satisfaction of knowing that his father was complying with their rules on bed rest. “I think, if they had it their way, he’d just stay in bed all day and binge-watch something.”

I crossed my arms, putting out my lips in a pouting gesture. “Yeah, and then they’d complain about the content he was watching.”

Nicholas raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean?”

“Hello!” I said, throwing up my hands. “He’d probably watch _Law & Order_ all day!”

He grinned. “You’re probably right.”

We continued our chit-chat for half an hour more, and then I told Liam had he’d better get his butt upstairs and into the shower. Liam muttered to himself for a moment before gathering up his things and taking them to his bedroom, presumably to fetch his towel. I heard the water running a few moments later, so I was thankful I didn’t have to get into full-on sister mode and demand that he obey me. Rolling my eyes at Fiona likely doing something like that, I shook the thought from my mind as I picked up the baby monitor. Iana’s careful breathing filled my ears for a moment as Nicholas watched me, and I turned and looked at him.

“What?” I asked.

He shook his head. “Nothing. Just that I was wondering if you wanted to take Iana to visit my dad tomorrow. Mom’s taking a long lunch tomorrow, and asked if we’d all go over there. Lucas is still in town, and he wants to meet you, too.”

“Your mom wants me to bring Iana to your Edwardian mansion?” I asked, looking shocked that it had even been brought up.

Nicholas grinned. “Victorian.”

I blinked. “What?”

“Their mansion is Victorian, not Edwardian,” Nicholas explained patiently. “And of course Mom wants you to bring Iana. She adores her, and always says how much she wants to see her. I figured it’d be a good idea, now that we’re a couple, to spend time with my family, as well as yours, because of us being together...”

I leaned across the couch, kissing him then as the water shut off and as the back door opened in a simultaneous manner. Quickly pulling away from Nicholas, we got to our feet as Ian and Trevor came into the house, and we four smiled at one another. “Liam’s just finishing up in the shower, and then he’s off to bed,” I informed my brother.

Ian nodded. “Good. I can put him to bed. Trevor, help yourself to a beer,” he said, kissing him before heading upstairs.

“Hey,” I said to Trevor, crossing over to him and embracing him as I vaguely heard Ian tapping on the bathroom door, alerting Liam to his presence.

“Hey,” he said warmly to me. “You doing better?”

“Yeah, yeah,” I assured him. “The meds are working their magic.”

“That’s good,” Trevor replied, pulling back and looking up at my boyfriend. “How’s it going with you, man?” Trevor asked, mutually clapping Nicholas on the shoulder. “Things good at the interim firm?”

Nicholas gave a stiff nod. “They’re going,” he replied, pulling a face. “My mother and I have our work cut out for us, since my dad and Murph are working from home.”

I raised my eyebrows, a smile forming on my lips. “Are you really complaining in front of me after I saved both their lives?” I asked him.

Nicholas threw up his hands in surrender as Trevor laughed at the two of us. “No! Seriously, Murph, I understand your guys’ need to work from home...”

I put my head into my hands, massaging my temples in a moment of drama. “Ugh, stop—you’re giving me a headache,” I muttered to myself. “The one thing I want right now is a beer, and I can’t mix alcohol with my pain medication.”

“Why?” Trevor asked, curious.

I lowered my hands from my face and sighed. “Because I’ll get totally fucked up—that’s why,” I replied as Ian came down the stairs. “Everything okay?”

“Fine,” Ian replied. “Liam’s in his room changing.”

I raised my eyebrows. “Really? You didn’t need to take his electronics away?”

Ian smirked. “I think my lecture on good sleep habits last week did the trick.”

I crossed my arms. “Ian, you know as well as I do that Liam has not yet perfected the use of headphones at nighttime,” I hissed through my teeth.

Trevor looked between us. “Am I missing something here?”

Nicholas put a hand on Trevor’s shoulder. “Wait for it...”

Ian rolled his eyes. “Come on, Murph. It’s not a crime.”

“Ian, they ask you to check a box on those websites, authorizing that you’re eighteen, and in some cases, twenty-one!” I cried, throwing up my hands into the air. “This is a topic we need to address with him, because I don’t need to hear that as I’m sleeping!”

Ian laughed. “You know as well as I do that you’re not sleeping.”

“Hey!” Trevor said.

“Whoa, whoa,” Nicholas said, stepping between us. “Let’s just take it down a notch.”

“Oh, please,” I said, walking around Nicholas and shoving Ian gently backwards. “I know all that you do, too, mister,” I said, grinning at him. “Let’s just agree that Liam shouldn’t be going to those websites until he’s at least sixteen.”

Ian shrugged. “Still illegal then.”

“Yeah, but if he’s like the rest of his siblings, he’ll have someone to do all that stuff with so that it won’t be necessary,” I replied.

Ian laughed. “Not you, though.”

“Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha,” I said, holding up my hand. “I told you that Jessica and I started messing around when we were sixteen.”

“But you didn’t until...” Ian cut himself off immediately at my expression, and, from the corner of my eye, Nicholas and Trevor looked away. “I’m going to shut up now.”

“Yeah, why don’t you?” I replied.

Ian sighed. “Okay. We’ll talk to Liam together.”

“Wise choice,” I said firmly.

. . . 

Nicholas and I arrived at Hugo and Allie’s lavish Victorian mansion just before noon the following day. I had insisted that Nicholas drive my car, so as Iana would feel more secure, and so we didn’t have to transfer her car seat into his more luxury vehicle. When we pulled up onto the property, I waited for the car to turn off, whereupon Nicholas handed me back my keys and I got out, circling around to the back and getting Iana out.

“Big house, Mama,” Iana said quietly to me.

“Yes, it’s very big,” I replied, pressing a kiss to her forehead to calm her in the new atmosphere that we were in. “We call them mansions.”

“Man-sh-ons,” Ian said, attempting to sound out the difficult word. “Why here, Mama?” she wanted to know as I followed Nicholas towards the front door.

“I told you, sweetheart,” I replied patiently. “We’re going to see Hugo and Allie for lunch this afternoon. This is their home.”

Iana grinned up at me as I carefully climbed the three stairs to the front door. “I like them,” she informed me.

I nodded. “I know you do, angel,” I said as Nicholas rang the doorbell. “And guess what? They like you, too.”

There was a moment of silence that followed as Nicholas stepped back, putting his arm around my waist. Finally, there was the telltale sound of heels clicking inside, and the door opened, and Lucas stood there; the easiest way to describe Lucas would be a miniature version of Hugo, but with Allie’s eyes. I felt my eyes nearly pop out of my sockets then as I struggled to remain standing, and Nicholas grinned across at his younger brother.

“So,” Lucas said, crossing his arms and leaning back against the door, “this is the girlfriend you’re always going on about?” he asked, looking me up and down as if he was sizing me up. “I guess my next question would be, who’s the kid?”

“This is my daughter, Iana,” I replied, not wanting to allow Lucas to get to me with this apparent smarmy attitude. “It’s nice to meet you, Lucas,” I went on, attempting to keep my tone level, and not slip into language that would be inappropriate in front of Iana.

“Mama, who’s this?” Iana whispered to me. “He’s not nice.”

I bit the inside of my cheeks immediately at my daughter’s honest and innocent remark, and turned to Nicholas, who laughed aloud, so I immediately did the same. “You’re right, Iana, but that’s something we shouldn’t say out loud...”

Lucas, however, looked amazed at Iana’s remark and immediately stepped forward. “You, I like,” he informed her. “My mother’s cat is sleeping inside in the parlor. Maybe you’d like to come and meet her.”

I was baffled when Iana willingly went into Lucas’s arms, and moved to follow them, but was pulled back by Nicholas, who took my hand and walked with me inside. “Don’t worry—Dad is always in the parlor at this time of day, if he’s at home. He and the cat have an understanding between them, and he’ll watch to make sure Lucas doesn’t drop her.”

“This isn’t funny, Nicholas,” I replied as he shut the door behind us, and I craned my neck to watch as Lucas disappeared around the corner with Iana. “Is this cat dangerous? Does it scratch strangers? I need to be in there with her...!”

“The cat is the most docile thing I’ve ever met,” Nicholas told me in a patient manner, “and Lucas is great with kids—I promise.”

I crossed my arms. “He’s certainly not very great with adults,” I muttered back.

Nicholas smiled, leaning in and kissing me. “It will be fine,” he assured me. “You have spoken to Iana about animal do’s and don’ts, right?”

I nodded. “Of course. No tail pulling and things like that...”

“Good,” he replied, snaking his arm back to my waist as we walked in the direction that Lucas had taken Iana. “We can poke our heads in before going into the kitchen, where my mother is likely fixing lunch.”

I rolled my eyes. “We’ll have to go in anyhow, if you’re father’s in there,” I replied. “It would be rude if we didn’t greet him properly.”

Nicholas smiled at my effort to authorize his compromising on the matter, and we soon turned the corner and stepped into the parlor. “Hey, Dad,” Nicholas said, squeezing the small of my back briefly before anyone could see as he let me go, crossing over to where his father was sitting in a large armchair. “Feeling better today?”

“I’m alive,” Hugo replied, looking past Nicholas and peering up at me, “thanks to this fine young lady right here.”

I rolled my eyes, approaching Hugo and taking his offered hand. “You’re far too generous with your complimenting, Hugo.”

“Well, perhaps if I complimented you more, you would’ve brought Iana around more often,” he put in with a warm smile, turning then and watching as Lucas carefully set Iana down on the couch, beside the cat, which appeared to be a ginger tabby. “That’s Ruth,” he said, and I had a feeling who they’d named her after. “If you like, Iana, you can scratch her gently behind the ears—that should perk her up.”

Iana turned to Hugo when she realized he had been speaking to her. “Thanks, Hugh,” she said, in her own little rendition of a nickname for him, and Hugo beamed when she had acknowledged him herself before turning back to look at the cat. Tentatively, Iana reached out with one finger and stroked the back of Ruth’s ear, and Ruth made a small sound of surprise, lifting up her head and staring at Iana, who extended her hand towards Ruth’s nose to smell. Iana waited for Ruth to smell her, and then Ruth lifted her head. “What does she want, Mama?” Iana asked, turning to look at me for a moment.

“I think she wants you to scratch her underneath her chin, sweetheart,” I replied. “Cats love it when people do that.”

“Oh,” Iana replied, turning back to the cat and doing as I said. “Her neck is moving,” she said, very nearly pulling her hand away in surprise.

“That’s just Ruth purring,” Lucas explained, crouching beside Iana to explain before I could say anything to her.

“Is she okay?” Iana wanted to know.

“She’s just happy because you’re her newest friend,” Lucas said patiently.

“I like friends,” Iana said quietly.

“You’re feeling better, though, Hugo, on the whole?” I asked, turning back to him, conscious that I’d moved my hair to cover my bandage. In the week since I’d returned home, it wasn’t as much of a sight anymore, and I felt more comfortable leaving the house because of it. “I mean, the pain medication doesn’t make you feel weird or anything?”

Hugo grumbled to himself about his predicament. “Of course it makes me feel weird,” he replied, folding up the newspaper he’s been keeping on his lap and setting it aside. “My brain goes all fuzzy now and again, and Allie’s been claiming that I’ve been drooling...”

“Dad, you always drooled,” Nicholas put in, a smirk on his face.

“Why, you little—” Hugo said, getting to his feet and running off after Nicholas, towards the French doors which led out onto the terrace.

“Well, then,” I said, turning to Lucas, who turned towards me for a moment. “I’m going to go and see your mother. Are you all right with her?” I asked.

Lucas nodded. “No problem,” he replied. “Oh, and hey,” he said, as I turned back to face him, “I heard from my mother that you’re a huge fan.”

I crossed my arms. “Maybe.”

He smiled. “It’s always nice to meet a fan. Sorry if I was abrupt a few moments ago.”

I gave a nod at that. “No problem,” I said, turning around and heading towards the kitchen, where I could smell Allie cooking. “Yeah, that’s one word for it,” I muttered to myself as I walked into the kitchen. “Hello, Allie.”

Allie turned around then, grinning from ear to ear as she put down a turkey baster and crossed over to me. “Hello, darling,” she said, pulling me into a hug. “I take it Lucas has attempted to make friends with Allie by introducing her to Ruth?”

I laughed, hugging her back for a moment or two before pulling back. “Your suspicions are correct, Allie. He’s...quite an interesting character...”

Allie immediately looked worried. “Oh, dear. I mentioned to him that you were a fan, and, sometimes, he can be a bit rude to them...”

I shrugged. “Doesn’t bother me. The main thing is that he’s nice with Iana... He has experience with children, doesn’t he?”

Allie grinned. “Oh, my, yes. Before he made it big as a model, he worked in the daycare center where Charlotte worked. That’s how he got noticed—by watching the children of high-profile clients there, and the staff.”

“So, he’s good with children, you would say?”

“Of course—very good,” Allie gushed, turning around and putting the whole chicken she’d been basting in the oven, which was surrounded by potatoes and other vegetables. “It will be much better when Benny gets downstairs...”

“Oh, Lucas!” came a squeal from the next room. “She’s absolutely gorgeous! Who is she?” came the same voice from the parlor.

“Benny?” I asked, turning back to Allie. “The name and voice sound familiar, but I can’t quite place them...”

“Benjamin St. James—his co-star on the show,” Allie explained patiently as Iana came running into the kitchen, and she promptly knelt for Allie to run into her arms, which she did. “Hello, princess. Are you right as rain this afternoon?”

Iana nodded her raven-haired head. “Yes, Allie—right rain,” she informed her. “Mama, strangers with kitty,” Iana said, turning around to face me.

“I’m sorry,” said Benjamin as he stepped after Iana and into the kitchen. “I didn’t mean to frighten her, really...”

“It’s okay,” I said quickly, and Benjamin’s eyes locked to mine. “You didn’t mean any harm, I can see that.”

“Oh, and you must be that delightful creature’s mother—you have the same shade of beautiful brown eyes!” Benjamin said in a voice filled with delight as he stepped forward and put out his hand. “Call me Benny.”

“I’m Murphy—nice to meet you,” I said, taking the offered hand and smiling at him. “And this is my daughter, Iana.”

“Oh, of course,” Benjamin said, nodding as he shook my hand. “Nicholas’s girlfriend and the wonderful young woman who saved Hugo and Allie’s lives!”

“Careful, maybe she’s not used to our kind,” Lucas said as he stepped into the room behind Benjamin, before kissing him on the cheek, which caused me to laugh aloud. “Something funny about me kissing my boyfriend?” Lucas wanted to know.

Immediately, I shook my head. “No, of course not. It’s just that you said I wouldn’t be used to people who are gay. Believe me, I am.”

Lucas raised an eyebrow. “Are you?”

“I’m a twin,” I explained, “and my twin brother is gay. So, trust me when I say this, I don’t have any issues with it.”

Lucas crossed his arms as Benjamin approached Allie—still holding Iana—in an attempt to make friends with her. “Sometimes people say that being gay affects both twins.”

I smiled. “I know.”

“Were you affected by it?”

I laughed. “Yeah,” I said. “Yeah, you could say that.”

“So, you’re—” Lucas began, as Nicholas came into the room and promptly put Lucas in a not-so-gentle headlock.

“It doesn’t matter what she is, you hear me?” Nicholas said into Lucas’s ear as Hugo came up behind them.

“Come on, boys,” Hugo said diplomatically, separating them as he walked towards the table on the other side of the kitchen. “Lucas, don’t provoke Nicholas. And Nicholas, please try to be a bit more considerate towards your brother.”

Lucas rolled his eyes. “Point taken.”

Nicholas smirked from behind Lucas before moving to stand beside me. “I suppose there was no harm done to the merchandise.”

Lucas scoffed. “Watch it, Nick.”

Nicholas’s eyes hardened, although the smirk remained frozen in place. “You, too, little brother,” he replied. “You, too.”

. . .

I drove myself to the hospital the following afternoon to get my bandages taken off my wound. It would be a pleasant experience, I thought, as the only stitched I’d had to deal with were the dissolving kind, and they’d gone away earlier in the week. Now there would only be a few moments of momentary fuss, and I’d then have another couple of weeks off from work to get the last of the pain and the medication out of my system. I pulled into the parking lot at the hospital and got out of my car, making an effort to remember my location as I walked into the building and towards the elevator, pressing the button to the correct direction.

Once the elevator had arrived, I stepped inside and pressed the fourth level button, feeling the box lifting me up and feeling that momentary out-of-body sensation of something weightless pulling at me. When the elevator dinged at the correct floor, I stepped out onto the highly-polished white tile and towards the waiting room. I gave my name at reception for a Dr. Weiss to see me about my bandages, and was told it would be just a few moments.

As I found a seat and sat down, I texted both Ian and Nicholas, informing them that I’d made it to the doctor’s in one piece and that I was currently waiting for my appointment time. Ian got back to me immediately, telling me that he had brought Iana and Liam to the park with Trevor, and to maybe swing by afterwards to pick them up on the way home. I rolled my eyes, not making any promises as a text from Nicholas arrived, informing me of even more negotiations from the insurance company that he and Allie had to deal with, which likely involved many hoops to jump through.

I rolled my eyes at the hierarchy of the system, wishing Nicholas luck as the door opened, and Dr. Tori Weiss stepped into the waiting room. She was a young woman—close to Fiona’s age—and had light brown hair trimmed in a pixie cut. Her kind pearl-gray eyes took me in then from behind her stylish frames as she caught mine, and I got to my feet.

“Come on back, Murphy,” she called.

I smiled, getting to my feet and slipping my phone into my purse, following her to the exam room along the hallway. “Thanks for seeing me so quickly.”

“Nonsense, you’re right on time, and I like to be prompt,” she replied, gesturing for me to sit down upon the table as she washed her hands. “Now, let’s move your hair back and take a look at what we’re dealing with here,” she said, all-business.

I reached out then and maneuvered my hair back around to the other side of my back, securing it with a hair tie for good measure. “That good?” I asked.

“That’s just perfect, Murphy,” she replied, snapping on a pair of gloves and taking ahold of the edge of my bandage. “Okay, let’s gently get this thing off of you.” She deftly pulled at the edges, not wanting to take even more of my skin off in the process, and gently eased it away from the danger zone. “Well, it’s certainly healing nicely... You’ve had members of your family helping you with the cream application?”

“Yeah,” I replied. “My brother, sister, and boyfriend have been helping.”

“That’s wonderful,” she said, grabbing the magnifying stick that doctor’s used so commonly in routine exams to get a closer look. “Well, the skin is still new here, but it’s healed nicely, so I think the bandages can formally come off today.”

“Oh, thank god,” I replied.

“It’s good when my patients are happy,” she went on. “I recommend that you still use the cream once in the morning, afternoon, and just before bed, but other than that, you don’t need the insulation of the bandage.”

I nodded. “I can do that.”

“Wonderful,” she said. “And, just making sure, did you want the name of a plastic surgeon to deal with the scar?”

I blinked. “No,” I replied, shaking my head. “I’ve got another scar, so what’s one more?” I asked her with a shrug. “I don’t mind having scars, Dr. Weiss, because it means that, even though I’ve been through something, I lived to tell the story, and I’m perfectly happy with that, because it tells the world that I’m a survivor, not a victim, and when you’re an attorney, people need that image if you’re going to get hired.”

Dr. Weiss nodded. “Well-said, Murphy,” she said. “And I wasn’t suggesting it by any means—it’s just a formality that us doctors have to go through. You wouldn’t believe how many of my patients want to get rid of the scars. I think it has to do with forgetting,” she put in. “If they no longer have the scar, they think they won’t be pained by the memories associated with them but, as I’m sure you know, that’s not the case.”

I shook my head at her. “No. No, it’s not.”

“Well, you’re all finished,” she said, and I hopped down from the exam table. “Have a fantastic day, Murphy.”

“Thank you, Dr. Weiss. I will,” I replied, stepping out of the exam room and making my way towards the waiting room. I stepped out of the back area and into the waiting room, making my way directly towards the elevators. I pressed the button, waiting for it to open, and when it did, I raised my eyebrows in surprise. “Hey,” I said, stepping inside and slightly annoyed when the other passenger didn’t get out.

“Hey, Murphy.”

“Lot of patients today?” I asked casually as the elevator doors closed.

Josh shrugged. “I’m on lunch right now, so...”

I nodded. “Going to see Chrissy, then?”

He sighed. “Look, Murphy, you need to fucking get over this,” he said, his tone clipped. “You were acting the same way I was.”

I shook my head at him. “No, Josh, I wasn’t, and it’s total bullshit that you think we’re on the same level here,” I replied. “Yes, I cheated on you, and it was an immature thing to do. I guess, if I’d been a more mature person—which I should be, considering that I have a daughter—I would have confronted you and ended things far sooner.”

“So, the rumors are true, then?” he asked.

I shifted my weight from one foot to the other, pulling up my purse again. “What rumors could you possibly be referring to that have anything to do with me?” I asked him, my tone clipped, as I really didn’t want to have this conversation—or any conversation—with Josh.

Josh shrugged. “Well, I _did_ see Nicholas leaving your room the day that you were admitted to the hospital,” he replied.

I felt something jolt within me then at this piece of information—so, had Nicholas been to see me?! Of course, I was shocked, to say the least, but, then again, I could’ve also merely fabricated what he had said to me...

“You didn’t know?” he asked.

I bit the insides of my cheeks, resentful that he could read me so well. “I was pretty doped up that day, Josh. I’d just saved my bosses from a burning building, and I was pretty exhausted on top of that.”

“Exhausted from spreading your legs for Blomqvist?”

Immediately, and without hesitation, I smacked Josh full across the face. “You’d better watch your fucking mouth, Josh,” I said through my teeth. “You remember what I did to your perfect little nose—don’t cross me. I mean it.”

Josh smirked then, running his hands over his cheek for a moment, which became inflamed from my handprint. “Oh, Murphy,” he said, “I knew that a part of you didn’t want to be with me anymore, but why would you stoop to such a lowlife as a murderer?” he asked.

Knowing that there were cameras in the elevator, I knew I couldn’t allow myself to go totally mental on Josh’s ass, no matter how much I wanted to. “You just keep Nicholas out of your thoughts,” I whispered to him, “because if I ever see you in my neighborhood, you’re going to fucking get it, Fairfax.”

“Apple doesn’t fall far from the tree,” Josh replied, as the elevators dinged, letting him out. “I hope you have a nice day, Murphy,” he said, his voice a summery song as he walked away from the chrome box.

I flattened myself against the wall as the elevator doors closed. I couldn’t believe what Josh had said to me, and I also couldn’t believe that he had waited to see it when I wasn’t in a position to defend Nicholas appropriately. Shaking my head, the elevator doors dinged again, letting me out across the street from the parking lot. Shivering all over, I pulled my leather jacket closer around me as I got to my car, fishing my phone out of my pocket, and dialing the number faster than lightning speed.

“Hey!” said Fiona’s voice when she picked up.

“Fi,” I said, barely managing to keep it together as I unlocked my car and let myself inside. “Are you at the diner now?”

“Yeah,” she replied. “Why? Is everything okay?”

“No,” I replied, leaning down and putting my head down onto my steering wheel. “No, everything is a fucking mess...”

“What’s up, little sister?” she asked, her voice caring.

I sighed. “Can I come over there?” I asked her, feeling the hot tears as they spilled down my face as I continued to rage inside.

“Yeah, of course, Murphy,” she said softly. “Something’s wrong... I’ll bust out a slice of chocolate cream, okay?”

I nodded. “Please,” I replied, my voice breaking. “I just need my big sister right now, and I’m sorry I haven’t seen you in a while...”

“Hey, we all have our shit,” Fiona replied gently. “You come by and tell me everything and we’ll work it out together, okay?”

“Thanks. I’ll see you soon,” I said.

“You too,” Fiona replied.

I hung up my phone and dashed the tears from my eyes. Still continuing to shake all over, I gripped at my steering wheel, attempting to hold it together. While the rest of my siblings had had Fiona to help with their problems growing up, I’d missed out, I thought to myself as I stuck my key into the ignition. _And_ , I reasoned with myself as I pulled out of the parking lot and down the street towards the highway, _I was in desperate need of making up for it now_. For when the shit hit the fan, you needed the closest thing you had to a parent, and for me, at this point in my life, that was Fiona.


	4. Behind the Veil

I stepped firmly down upon the gas as I set my course to Patsy’s Pies; I didn’t know what it was about Josh that had set me off just now. All I did know was that I needed my older sister, and I needed her now. When I arrived, I parked out in front as per usual, getting out of and locking my car behind me, and pulling my leather jacket more firmly around my shoulders as I circled my car to the curb, stepped up, and walked towards the door. I hesitated for a moment, remembering one of the last times I’d been inside, just before Charlotte’s funeral, standing in the kitchen in the back, and allowing myself to be tempted by fate, allowing Nicholas to kiss me.

Pushing the thought from my mind, I wrapped my fingers around the door and pulled it open, walking inside immediately and spotting Fiona behind the counter. Not wanting to make trouble, I sat at the counter, and Fiona promptly put a slice of chocolate cream pie in front of me. I found myself sighing then, my shoulders nearly deflating completely as I reached for the fork, but Fiona reached out and stopped me, her hold on my wrist causing me to raise my eyes to hers, and she could sense the pain behind mine.

“Talk,” she said softly.

I sighed. “I’m not in the mood to talk,” I confessed, my voice close to the breaking point. “I just came here because I needed you... I’m playing the little sister card, Fiona. I know I only get so many of those in my life, but, I figure, since I came into yours so late...”

Fiona shoved the pie out of the way then, leaning across the counter and giving me a hug. “Trust me, Murph, you get as much of those as you want,” she assured me. “I love you, and you’re my sister, and I can’t stand to see you unhappy.”

I sighed, quickly dashing the tears from my eyes. “Thanks, Fi. That really means a lot to me, and you’ll never know how much...”

“It’s fine,” she told me firmly, pulling back and wiping the rest of my tears away. “Now, why don’t you tell me about the doctor’s appointment?” she asked, moving my hair to the side to get a look at my skin. “I don’t see a bandage...”

I nodded. “Yeah, they took it off.”

Fiona grinned. “That’s amazing, Murph! You must be so relieved!”

I gave another nod. “I was.”

My sister arched an eyebrow. “But?”

I shook my head. “No, I mean, I understood the whole protocol aspect to it, really I did, but my doctor had to bring up plastic surgery to me...”

Fiona nodded. “And you’re against it?”

I stammered for a moment before figuring out just what to say. “Not for everyone,” I said. “I mean, I’m sure it’s good for some people, but it just wouldn’t work for me. I mean, I literally got this from saving someone’s life, Fiona—two lives. And it’s not just for the sentimentality I’ve got which is attached to it, but the notion that I’m still here.”

“Still here?” Fiona asked.

I smiled up at her. “Yeah—still here. Still here despite everything I’ve gone through in my life and I’m happy to be here. If I’d broken under the pressure and devastation that Dr. Normal supplied, then I wouldn’t have made my way home, to where I really belonged. I wouldn’t have found all of you, I wouldn’t have had Iana...”

“Wouldn’t have fallen in love with Nicholas?” she asked.

Immediately, I shook my head. “No.”

She blinked. “What?”

“No, I don’t love him,” I said, the thought of bearing my soul to anyone else in my entire life in that way feeling like a sickness to me.

“But you’re together...”

I nodded. “Oh, yeah, we’re together, and I care about him, believe me—but not on a level that I could ever compare to Iana, Ian, or you...”

My older sister regarded me then, her dark brown eyes attempting to scratch away at a surface she was convinced was there. “Come on, Murph,” she said.

I let out a small noise of exasperation, pulling the chocolate crème pie towards me. “I don’t love him, Fi,” I said, stabbing the pie and cutting off a piece for myself, which I promptly shoved into my mouth.

“So, you like him, and you care about him...?”

I shrugged. “He’s my boyfriend,” I said with my mouth full.

She crossed her arms. “Murph...”

Quickly, I swallowed. “Sorry,” I said, making a grab for my napkin and wiping my mouth for any offending matter. “But seriously, Fi. You’re not gonna find anything.”

“Not saying I’m looking for it.”

“Well, what’s the interest?” I asked, realizing I was already halfway done with my slice of pie as I lowered my fork back onto the plate.

She sighed. “I don’t know, Murph. It just really seemed like you were devastated when he had that ill-advised relationship with Jasmine Jones, and then when you were dating Josh, you always went back to him...”

“Fiona, once and for all, I don’t love him,” I said, ending on a burst of laughter, for the notion of me loving anyone romantically at this point in my life was absurd.

“Is this because of Jessica or Lip?” she asked, and I lowered my eyes at her words, pulling the plate back towards me. “Is it because, in some form or another, they were taken away from you, so now you’re closed off to the idea of love?”

I shook my head. “I didn’t love Lip.”

“No?” Fiona asked, not wholly convinced.

I sighed, the topic of discussion very uncomfortable for me, but, I figured, if I brought it up once, it could have the possibility linked to it that it would never be mentioned again... “It’s called Genetic Sexual Attraction,” I said quietly.

“Wait, what?” Fiona demanded.

I raised my eyes to hers. “Real thing—I wouldn’t make this up.”

“I’ve never even heard of it...”

I nodded slightly, looking around to make sure that our conversation wasn’t on display for everyone to hear. “Essentially, it means that, two people, who are related but weren’t necessarily raised together for an extended period of time, become overwhelmed with feelings of a sexual nature because they haven’t been taught how to act around this person. Sometimes they know about the blood relationship and sometimes they don’t. And sometimes, even if they know, they don’t care, and just fall into this pattern of allowing themselves to take liberties, even though it’s against the law and the repercussions could be, shall we say, harmful...”

“So, you think that’s what happened with you and Lip?”

I sighed, moving my cheek to rest in my hand. “It’s a possibility,” I replied. “I guess that I was better at getting over it than he was...”

“Well, what about Jessica?” she wanted to know.

I locked eyes with hers. “What _about_ Jessica?”

She shrugged. “Well, I know you loved her...”

I shrugged. “Yeah, when I was eighteen. So?”

“Do you ever think about her?” she asked.

I shook my head, picking up my fork again. “No. I got over that one quickly, too,” I replied. “I just never allowed myself to get close to anyone...”

“Until you came home?”

I raised my eyes to hers. “Yeah. Until I came home.”

. . . 

The next two weeks passed in a combination of me doing things with Iana—which was wonderful, because she’d been sprung for daycare most days since my hospitalization, and she seemed to truly enjoy spending time with me—and catching up on case work. Finally, the day came for me to get back to the firm, and I was pleased to get a sense of normalcy back into my life when it came to my daily routine. Nicholas had not spent the night the evening before, so I got up at the usual time that Monday morning and saw to getting myself and Iana ready on time before heading downstairs.

“Ah, the skirt returns,” Ian joked as I stepped into the kitchen, rolling my eyes at him as I set Iana down in her highchair. “What’s on the menu this morning?”

“Strawberry yogurt for me, peaches for Iana,” I replied briskly, bending down and kissing the top of Liam’s head. “Morning, little man,” I said gently to him, before walking over to the counter where the fruit was and got a peach for my daughter. “How about you? What’s going on with you today?” I ask him, running the peach under cold water for a moment before grabbing a paper towel and drying it off.

“Typical work stuff,” Ian replied, watching as I got a plate and a knife from their respective cabinet and drawer locations, and sliced up the peach for Iana. “Trevor and I are going out later, if that’s not an issue.”

I shake my head. “No, of course not,” I reply, slicing up the peach into the little half-moon sections Iana so enjoyed before putting the plate in front of her. I watched for a moment as she stared at the individual pieces on her plate, before she let out a shout.

“Mama, peaches!” she crowed.

I laughed. “Yes, darling,” I replied. “Eat up, now. You get to see Rebecca this morning, and Mama needs to get Uncle Liam to school after that.”

Iana nodded. “Okay, Mama,” she replied, picking up her peach slices and sucking on them for a moment before finally eating them.

“Nicholas is coming by later so we can take a look at the Eastman case,” I continued, crossing back to the sink to wash my hands. “That all right with you?”

Ian shrugged. “Your house, too,” he replied, going to sit beside Liam, a bowl of cereal in his hands as I got a cup of yogurt from the fridge. “I don’t think I ever asked you how come you eat so light in the mornings on weekdays...”

I let out a short laugh then, fetching a spoon before I moved to the table to join him. “It’s all to do with my anxiety,” I replied easily. “I don’t know what’s going to happen in the morning. I mean, sure, I’ve got a set schedule, but if it doesn’t go according to plan, I freak out. This ensures that I have enough nutrients and energy to make it to lunch without the possibility of getting sick in the morning.”

Ian raised his eyebrows. “That bad, huh?”

I nodded. “Yeah, apparently so.”

He hesitated for a moment before speaking again. “So, first day at the interim firm building?” he asked, and I nodded, my mouth full of yogurt. “How do you think it’ll go?”

I shrugged. “Can’t say. Nicholas took me on a tour yesterday after our picnic, when you were watching Iana with Trevor, so I know the layout and where my office is, but I think all the memories associated with the old building...”

“Still thinking about the fire?” he asked.

I bit my lip. “Yeah. I mean, a little...” I turned to Liam then, and, seeing that he was done with breakfast said, “Sweetie, why don’t you go upstairs and finish getting ready, okay?”

Liam sighed, getting to his feet and putting his bowl into the sink. “I’ll be back down soon,” he said to the two of us, going towards the stairs; he was still smarting from our recent discussion about particular websites he shouldn’t be on.

I shook my head at him as he walked upstairs before turning to Ian, after making sure that Iana was fully absorbed in her peach slices. “A freaking pipe bomb exploded on my neck, Ian,” I said, and he averted his eyes, his mouth forming into a thin line at the notion of it. “I guess I’m allowed to be...slightly panicked.”

He nodded stiffly. “Any word on who did it yet?”

I sighed, feeling my shoulders deflating. “No. None yet.”

He ran his hand over his face for a moment. “You worried?”

“Terrified,” I replied. “Those bombs and the fire were planted and set for a reason, Ian. Someone at the firm was being targeted, and I can’t help but think...”

“What?”

I bit my lip. “I know it sounds crazy, Ian, but part of me wonders if Josh did this to get to Nicholas, in the wake of our breakup,” I said, and my brother regarded me with a shocked expression at the implication. “Like I said, totally crazy, but just think about it. He has the money and the means to do so, which means he could’ve hired somebody inconspicuous to do the dirty work for him. And he’s hated Nicholas for years...”

Ian nodded. “I know, Murph. But that’s a serious allegation, and if you’re wrong, you don’t want to go down that road...”

I hesitated for a moment, wanting to tell Ian about what Josh had said at the hospital, but resolved to keep my mouth shut. “Yeah, maybe you’re right,” I said, shrugging it off. “He may be an...A-S-S, but I don’t want to go accusing him publicly if I’m wrong.”

My brother smiled at me. “A wise decision.”

I rolled my eyes. “Let’s hope I’m wrong, then,” I said quietly.

I dropped off Iana and Liam on schedule and arrived at the interim building that the firm was using, still slightly skeptical of my safety as I parked in the lot and went upstairs. Someone was waiting for me on that first day; just as Hugo had been waiting when I joined the firm, Nicholas was waiting for me just as the elevator doors opened, letting me out on the main floor. He looked amused at my surprise at seeing him there, and as I stepped forward, I allowed him to kiss me as he took my hand and led me through the assistant’s area and down the back hallway, towards where my office, Allie’s, Hugo’s, and his were now stationed.

“This is a surprise,” I said gently as we walked down the hall, towards my interim office. “I thought you’d be doing some pre-work on the Eastman case.”

Nicholas smiled. “I got in about an hour before you did this morning,” he said as he came to my office door and opened it. “I did some more preliminary research before our sit-down with Gwen this afternoon.”

“Well, aren’t you Mr. Productive?” I joked, flipping on the light of my office and stepping inside of it. I couldn’t help but feel slightly saddened at the loss of my former office, for Allie had had it especially catered to my likes, but I thought that this interim office—despite the coldness the Ikea furniture presented—and the lack of blinds would suffice for the time being. “When do you want to do our preliminary meeting?” I asked, turning around to face Nicholas, setting my bag upon my desk.

Nicholas shut my door behind us. “It’s been pushed until after lunch, I’m afraid.”

“Oh,” I replied, raising my eyebrows and walking towards him. “Is there a particular reason why that was? Or wasn’t last night in here enough for you?” I asked, casually yanking a little at his necktie, a standard black one.

Nicholas grinned down at me, his dark eyes hungry. “It’ll never be enough—I thought I made that abundantly clear, Murphy,” he whispered, yanking me towards him before kissing me. “In actuality, Mom has requested that we have a Skype call with Dad.”

I blinked, surprised. “Is everything okay?”

“Yes, everything’s fine,” he assured me. “We’re just expected at eleven to discuss the Halloween extravaganza this year. The party planners are on hold, and they’re giving us a bit of leeway this year when it comes to venue booking, since the building owner’s don’t think throwing a big party here is a good idea.”

I shrugged. “Well, I’ll certainly help however I can.”

“However you can?” Nicholas asked, running his hand along the buttons of my cardigan. “Are you sure about that, Gallagher?”

I grinned up at him. “And just what are you implying, Blomqvist?”

His eyes darkened further then, as he merely stared down at me for a moment, and I allowed myself to bask in the look of utter hunger that he bestowed upon me. He raised his hand from the buttons on my cardigan then, taking his fingertips and gently dragging them down my jaw, to the point where they slipped and caressed my latest scar along my neck. As the self-consciousness flowed through me, and as I lowered my eyes, I was rewarded with Nicholas tilting my chin up immediately thereafter, staring deeply into my eyes.

“And what have I told you, Murphy?”

Fighting against myself, I looked away from him. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I replied, my voice unsteady.

Nicholas turned my face gently back towards his. “You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen, Murphy,” he said throatily, his other hand pulling me by my waist, so as our bodies became meshed together. “I’ll never get tired of telling you that.”

I sighed. “I don’t know about that...”

“I do,” he replied, and I found myself biting my lip, biting back the insecurities that threatened to flow through me, and up towards the surface, and out my lips. “Hey, Murphy, believe me—I’m not going to get tired of telling you that.”

I sighed again, my shoulders slacking. “But what if you get tired of me?”

He shook his head. “Not possible.”

I hunched my shoulders then, my nerves getting the better of me. “I’m not some damsel in distress that needs rescuing, Nicholas,” I reminded him.

“And that’s why I...” He began, but there was an unexpected knock at my door, and he immediately let me go then, muttering, “Dammit,” under his breath before yanking me to him and kissing me—quickly and with a hunger I never could’ve imagined—before letting me go again and opening the door for me. “Hey, Mom,” he said, clearing his throat. “I was just showing Murphy around and letting her know about the meeting with Dad.”

“Which is due to begin in almost an hour and a half,” she said, smiling at the two of us, a bit of understanding in the back of her eyes. “Well, you two must have a lot of ideas about the annual Halloween celebration.”

Nicholas shrugged. “Not really.”

“I have one that may work, actually,” I put in, and Nicholas and Allie turned and looked at me in an expectant manner. “I’ll bring it up at the meeting.”

“Wonderful,” Allie replied. “Well, I should get back to brainstorming myself. I’ll see you kids in the meeting,” she said, before reaching around the door and pointing. “It locks to the left,” she told us in a conspiratorial tone, before shutting the door behind her and walking off.

I found I was laughing as Nicholas dragged his hands through his hair. “Wow,” I said as he turned back to look at me. “I’ve never met a mom who was so cool about her son sleeping with a co-worker before.”

“My mother likes to see me happy...”

I smirked, turning around then and giving him an eyeful before I hopped up onto the edge of my desk and looked at him. “Do you like to see me happy, Nicholas?”

Nicholas looked up at me then, amused. “And what did you have in mind, Murphy?”

I wiggled my hips upon the top of my desk then and proceeded to unbutton my cardigan very slowly, taking each button milliseconds at a time. “Why don’t you lock the door,” I said, and threw my cardigan down, exposing my white blouse beneath, “and I’ll let you know?”

Nicholas grinned back at me, turning around to lock the door, before he crossed my office then and made a grab for my hips, which caused a squeal to escape from me, before he clamped his lips down, hard, upon mine. He pulled at my clothes, careful not to tear them because of my need to appear presentable later, while I made quick work of what he was wearing that day. He chuckled against my lips as I wrapped my legs around his neck, managing to get me out of my blouse completely.

“You’re bad, Blomqvist,” I muttered, nipping at his lips.

Nicholas just continued smiling down at me, at least for a moment, as he cupped each of my breasts in his hands. “Maybe,” he said, breaking his silence for a moment as he bent down, and spread my legs apart, and immediately I felt myself turn red, “I just need to show you how bad I can be, Murphy.”

“Nicholas, no!” I said as he yanked down my panties quickly. “Are you insane?!” I hissed at him as he gently pushed me backwards, so as I lay on top of my desk. “You know as well as I do that I won’t be able to— Oh, my god,” I whispered, trembling all over as he opened his mouth, his breath hot upon me. “Nicholas, we really... Fuck,” I whispered, clamping both hands hard over my mouth, my toes curling as they always did, as he showed me just how bad he really could be on such short notice and quick thinking.

. . .

Nicholas and I turned up separately to Allie’s office later that morning, and I’d done my best to splash cold water onto my face beforehand. As I sat on the provided chair, I did my best not to swear or squeak under my breath, for I was still tender in all the right places. Crossing my legs as Nicholas arrived shortly thereafter, I smiled at him in greeting as Allie did her best to cue up the Skype session as the hour arrived.

“I’ve got that, Mom,” Nicholas said, stepping forward and pressing all the correct buttons, while Allie sat back, amused.

“You always know how to figure these things out,” she replied.

Nicholas came and sat next to me one the session had been set-up, and the three of us waited for Hugo to call. “Any moment now,” Nicholas said, looking at his phone.

Sure enough, at eleven-thirty one the dot, Hugo’s call came through, and Allie pressed the button to answer it.

“Hello, darling,” she said, blushing like a young girl as she stared into the monitor. “Are you all right? Taking the medication on schedule?”

“Yes, I’m fine,” Hugo said indulgently, before turning to the rest of us. “How about you kids? I hope you found the new office all right, Murphy.”

I nodded. “It was found appropriately, I assure you, Hugo,” I replied. “Of course, none will replace the one you and Allie had made for me.”

Hugo smiled. “We’ll be sure to make you another one in the new building.”

“New building?” Allie asked, straightening up. “Hugo, did you have the telephone call from the insurance company?”

Hugo nodded. “I did,” he replied, “just an hour ago. They’re giving us the same location, and the building is going to have the best security equipment Chicago’s ever seen.”

“That’s really great, Dad,” Nicholas said.

“I’m so happy it all worked out,” I put in.

“But onto happier matters,” Hugo said, folding his hands in front of him. “We need to discuss where the Halloween spectacular is going to be, and what its theme is. I have a phone meeting with the party planners at noon today, so I hope we can come to a decision.”

“Murphy mentioned an idea,” Allie said, turning to look at me. “Go ahead, Murphy. Tell Hugo what you were thinking.”

“A masquerade ball theme,” I said, hoping it didn’t sound too ridiculous. “I was doing some research, and I’ve figured out we’ve got some impressive historical houses in the area. Perhaps the party could be held at one of those,” I said, passing Allie the list.

“Oh, the McGill House,” Allie said, seeing the first place I’d written down. “Hugo, don’t you know someone on the trustee committee?”

“Yes,” Hugo replied. “I’ll call Chad and let him know what our purpose for our intended use of the house is, and I should have an answer before the party planner phone call.”

“Have them print out invitations as soon as you’ve got the location secured,” Allie ordered. “And then there’s the matter of decorations and costumes and food...”

“Food won’t be a problem,” I put in, and Allie turned and looked at me. “My sister would be happy to have her diner cater the affair.”

“Oh, Fiona, of course,” Allie said, smiling. “She’s such a delight. You make up a menu and send it to me, and, once I approve it, you send it on to her.”

“Can do,” I replied.

The meeting concluded shortly thereafter, and Nicholas and I left Allie and Hugo alone for a few moments as we moved to return to our offices.

“You’re a smooth operator,” he put in.

I turned around, smiling at him. “Oh, really?”

“It’s a great party idea, Murph,” Nicholas said, an arm snaking around my waist as he gently pushed me up against my office door.

I grinned at the sensation of having him so close. “Well, I certainly like to think that I have great ideas, and that they aren’t in short supply.”

He smirked down at me, tangling his free hand into my hair, his eyes never leaving mine. “Well, I suppose that great minds think alike...”

“Oh?” I asked him. “Do tell.”

“Well, I think my office is feeling a trifle neglected,” he said, and I raised my eyebrows at him in a coy manner. “And you only have until two-thirty to get everything done here.”

I nodded. “It’s a shame, really, that we have to little time...”

“I don’t need a lot of time,” he put in.

I bit down hard on my bottom lip, arching myself against him. “Somehow, I think I know that,” I replied, lowering my hand to his crotch, “especially when I’m working with my mouth. You always go so quickly...”

In response, Nicholas grabs me fully against him then, slamming his mouth onto mine, and his tongue down my throat, before gathering me into his arms and walking down the hallway with me faster than lightning. He somehow manages to get the door to his own office open, and we find ourselves laughing then as he forces his way inside there, slamming the door behind us. He stares down at me then, hunger in his eyes, and I reach behind him to lock the door, my hand drifting slowly towards the zipper of his pants, all the while his eyes upon me, and mine on him, looking forever innocently up at him as I lower myself to my knees.


	5. No Apologies

“So, they picked your idea for the Halloween party?” Ian asks as I toss the salad I’ve made for our vegetation the following evening. “That’s great!”

I shrugged, flashing a grin at him. “Let’s just say that Allie and Hugo agreeing on my idea wasn’t the highlight of my day...”

“Yeah?” Ian asks, stirring the meat sauce for the pasta in a pot on the stove. “What could that possibly mean, Murph?”

“Well, let’s just leave it at Nicholas and I are better than ever,” I say, turning to face him and manipulating my eyebrows up and down dramatically.

“In your new offices, huh?” he asked.

I nodded. “Precisely.”

Ian shook his head. “Jesus, Murph, what are we going to do with you?”

“Hell if I know,” I replied, setting down the salad tossers and crossing to where I’d put Iana for a nap into her day bed. “Hey, sweetheart,” I said softly to her as she opened her eyes. “Do you want to come out now?”

“Yes, Mama,” Iana replied, holding up her arms.

I immediately lifted her out, settling her on her feet. I was relieved that Ian and I had baby proofed the house so well, but I kept a close eye on Iana as she wandered around the living room, to the space by the window where we kept a lot of her toys. “So, listen,” I said, wandering back into the kitchen, “I have a favor...”

“You need me to watch Iana while you’re at the ball?” he asked knowingly.

“No,” I said, shaking my head, and he raised his eyebrows. “Well, yeah. Take her out with Liam trick or treating or something, I guess. But no, that’s not what I was asking.”

Ian turned around fully then, leaving back against the counter. “Okay. What do you need me for now, Murph?” he asked patiently.

“Well, Fiona and Debbie are already on board,” I replied. “I was wondering if you’d come shopping with us this weekend to find me something suitable for the event...”

Ian grinned. “I didn’t know Cinderella had three fairy godmothers.”

I rolled my eyes. “You know very well I look nothing like Cinderella.”

He shrugged. “A combination of Ariel and Belle, then. But they all wore beautiful dresses at some point or another...”

I pulled my lips inward then, trying and failing not to laugh. “Stop being a fucking dick for a minute,” I said, shaking my head at him. “Will you come, or not?”

Ian grinned. “I’ll come, don’t worry.”

“Great,” I replied, fetching a box of pasta from the pantry. “It’s all settled, then.”

. . .

That Saturday, Ian, Iana, Fiona, Debbie, and I all went to a local costume shop that somehow managed to take up an entire city block. Since Debbie had Franny, she agreed to look for Halloween costumes with Iana, while Fiona tagged along with me and Ian to look for something suitable for the ball. It was somehow pleasant to me, walking around there with my brother and sister, as we made it to the correct section, and after a sea of stereotypically slutty costumes, I found a smaller section—filled with vintage dresses—and a green ball gown stood out to me out of all the rest.

It had an oval neckline, with bell-sleeves, and was at least floor length. It was made out of soft velvet, and would hug my figure easily, and, by some coincidence, just so happened to be in my exact size. Although slightly amused by Fiona’s pushing, I went over to a dressing room, dress in hand, and was permitted back there, while Fiona let me know she was going to look for a headpiece, mask, shoes, and a necklace for me. I rolled my eyes, a smile on my lips as Ian waited in the waiting area; I left him texting Trevor as I went into my assigned dressing room.

“Glad it’s not prom season,” I called, shutting the door behind me.

“Yeah?” he called back. “Why not?”

“Oh, please,” I replied, taking off my top and working on my jeans. “The last thing we’d want is a bunch of teenage girls screaming about how they’re not a size zero.”

“Wait—that’s a thing?” he asked.

“You’re so lucky you’re a guy, Ian,” I tell him, looking at the dress on its hanger for a moment before unbuttoning the back and stepping into it. “Guys don’t seem to worry about that so much, unless they’re a model, or an athlete or something,” I say, shrugging my shoulders as he laughs on the other side of the door.

“How’s it coming in there?”

“Oh, fine,” I replied, smoothing the angles of the dress. “I’ll need you to come in here and button up the back, though. If you’re cool with that...”

“Fine,” Ian said, and I heard his footsteps as I opened my door. “Let’s take a look, then—damn, there’s so many of them,” he joked, and I rolled my eyes, holding the dress in place as he did up the back. “There. Can you still breathe?”

“Thankfully, yes,” I replied, gazing at myself in the mirror. “Personally, I think it’s because there’s no corset involved, but I could be wrong...”

“So, is this ball going to be completely retro?” Ian asked as I turned around. “I mean, authentic music and all that?”

“Allie mentioned something about getting a DJ the other day,” I replied, “so maybe they’ll recycle last year’s playlist or something...”

“Music from the 1980’s at a masquerade ball?” Ian asked, smirking.

I rolled my eyes. “Hey, I don’t make the rules,” I replied.

“You guys still back here?” Fiona’s voice called, stepping back to where we were, her arms filled with accessories that all inexplicably matched the dress. “Okay, so I found green slippers and heels, depending on how you’re feeling,” she said with a grin. “I also found this incredible emerald necklace—it says emerald, but it’s probably just green crystal, but who the hell cares, really?” she asked, and Ian and I shrugged. “And then there’s this hood, or a crown, that would look amazing, and then this mask I found...”

The mask itself was definitely a statement piece; it was studded entirely with crystal rhinestones of varying sizes. Most were the traditional circular shape, although the ones diagonal from my eyes curled slightly upwards, like the wings of a swan; the ones near my forehead resembled leaves on a jeweled tree; and the final one, which would rest just above my nose, was another circular shape about three times the size as the standard ones. My eyes popped when I saw it, and even Ian looked impressed as I turned around and permitted Fiona to tie it in place. She had tied it expertly, so it didn’t fall and obliterate my vision, and I found myself smiling into the mirror as my costume was coming together.

“Necklace time,” Fiona sang, and I lifted my neck for her to clip it into place. “Now there’s the matter of the headpiece, and the shoes...”

The crown was more of a tiara, for it had combs on either side which slipped into my hair. I chose the tiara over the hood, knowing that it would likely become very warm inside the manor where the event was being held, and the last thing I wanted was to overheat completely. I also chose the heels instead of the slippers, feeling that they went with my outfit more for the event than for being historically accurate. Pleased with myself, Fiona stood by the door as I changed to bring out all my intended purchases, while Ian ventured back out into the store to find Iana, Debbie, and Franny.

We all ventured to the checkout shortly thereafter, and I was surprised at how pleased with herself Debbie looked.

“You’re in a good mood,” I said, setting my intended items down onto the counter as I bent down towards my daughter. “Please tell me you behaved for Aunt Debbie.”

Iana grinned. “Yes, Mama,” she replied, handing me over her intended costume.

I blinked, surprised that she wouldn’t want to go as a princess. “You want to go as Tigger from _Winnie the Pooh_?” I asked her.

She grinned. “Yeah. I love Pooh.”

I looked at Franny’s intended costume then, and noticed that she was going as Pooh. “Makes much more sense now,” I said, moving Iana’s Tigger costume—which was really just a glorified onesie—onto the counter.

“How’s things going with Nicholas?” Debbie asked, her tone deliberately hushed as I got my credit card out of my pocket. “Well?”

I rolled my eyes playfully, turning to see that Fiona and Ian were already waiting by the front entrance, and that Franny and Iana had run to join them. “Fine,” I replied, sliding my card through the machine and watching as the checkout person took extra care in folding up my dress and accessories.

Debbie nudged me. “That’s not an answer,” she pouted.

I grumbled sarcastically to her. “Well, it would certainly help if our sister didn’t constantly pump me for information...”

“Fiona?” Debbie asked.

I shook my head. “No, Sammi. Of course Fiona!”

Debbie made a face at the mention of Sammi, and I flashed her an innocent smile. “Of course not Sammi—you haven’t even met her, have you?”

“No, and I wouldn’t—thank you,” I said to the checkout person, who handed over my purchases and began working on Debbie’s. “Not willingly, anyway...”

Debbie pulled out some cash in preparation for paying for Franny’s Halloween costume. “But what’s Fiona want to know about you and Nicholas?”

“Honestly,” I said, “she wants me to admit that I’m in love with him or something...”

“And are you?” Debbie asks, handing over the cash.

I made a face. “Oh, my god, why is this such a hot-button issue?”

Debbie shrugged, thanking the checkout person as we walked toward the entrance. She hesitated as I threw my keys at Ian, who scooped up Iana, and Fiona walked out after them, holding tightly to Franny’s hand. “I guess because it took so long for you to admit that you had feelings for each other, and now that you’re together...”

“What should it matter, Debs?” I ask as we step outside and into the overcast today. “We’re a couple and we’re happy...”

“Yeah, but do you love him?” Debbie pressed.

I made a face. “I don’t know,” I replied as we made our way over to my car. “Maybe. I could love him, I guess, someday...”

“But now?”

I shook my head. “I don’t know,” I said again. “I don’t know about right now...”

. . .

Fiona got off work early on the night of the ball to come over and help me with my hair. It was a pleasant experience, sitting there and chatting with my big sister, as she took my massive brushes into her hands and brushed out my copper locks. It had grown about an inch since the pipe bomb had exploded onto me, so she at least had some mane to play with that evening. She brushed it out long before fashioning it into a ballerina bun just on the back of my crown, which would do wonderfully for my tiara.

“You look beautiful,” Fiona proclaimed as I got to my feet, pulling off the towel we’d put there for when we were doing my makeup a few minutes ago.

I rolled my eyes, smoothing my dress and adjusting my necklace. “Let’s just pray that I don’t trip on these,” I said, lifting up my skirt to reveal the heels. I walked over to my closet then, turning back towards Fiona. “I ordered this online a few days ago, and it just showed up yesterday after I got back from work,” I said, pulling open the doors. I gently took the green velvet furred cape down from the hanger, revealing it to Fiona. “What do you think?” I asked, unfastening the silver buckle at the front and draping it over my shoulders. “Too much?”

“Absolutely not,” Fiona replied, taking my tiara from its perch atop my dresser and gently putting it into my hair. “I think you look gorgeous.”

“You sure?” I asked, the nervousness creeping into my tone again.

Fiona nodded. “Of course I’m sure,” she said, leaning in and hugging me for a moment. “You just go there tonight and dance your ass off and have some fun with Nicholas and all your other co-workers. Hugo’s back tonight, right?”

I nodded back, turning towards the mirror to look one more time. “Yeah. This is also a welcome back party for him.”

“Well, go on and get over there,” she said, placing her hands upon my shoulders and catching my eyes in the mirror. “Nights like these—they can be nights to remember, right?”

I flushed then, a giggle escaping my lips. “Well, last year, Nicholas and I _did_ hook up in the kitchen attached to the employee café, where the party was held...”

Fiona gently smacked my shoulder, moving to tie my mask in place. “You, young lady, were seeing Josh at the time.”

I rolled my eyes, walking away from her as soon as she’d finished. “At the time, he and I weren’t exclusive, and we could make our own rules.”

“Going to break any of those tonight?” she asked.

I shrugged. “I don’t know,” I replied. “We’ll see when we get there.”

After saying goodbye to Iana, Ian, and Liam downstairs, Fiona walked me out to my car and again encouraged me to have fun that evening. I flashed her a smile, waving her off as I got into my car and drove across town towards the mansion. I found the designated area for parking, my invitation clasped tightly in my hand, as I slipped from my car and walked towards the main entrance of the place. I was let in by a strapping young gentleman who bowed to me, and was all dressed up in a medieval suit and looked quite elegant. In the front entrance hall, I was given the option of checking things, so I unclipped my cape and handed it over, as well as my jeweled bag which held my phone, and thanked the man in charge as I stepped over to the final door, where the ball was to take place, invitation in hand.

“And who do we have here?” asked the man by the door.

“I’ve been invited,” I said, smiling up at him and handing over my invitation, which had my name on it.

“Of course, Mistress Gallagher,” he said in a faux British accent, bowing to me as he opened up the door for me.

“Thank you, kind sir,” I replied, stepping inside, the flashing lights nearly blinding me as I stepped down the stairs and towards the party. Looking around, I spotted Hugo and Allie at the sidelines, as they’d been last year, and made my way over. “Hello and good evening to you sir and madam,” I said, doing my very best curtsy.

“Oh, Murphy, darling!” Allie said, pulling me upwards then and embracing me. “Don’t you look wonderful!”

“Very luxurious look for you, Murphy—it suits you,” Hugo said, hugging me in the next moment. “Very appropriate, that you’ve come as a princess, for Nicholas is dressed as a prince of some kind and is around here somewhere...”

“And you two are king and queen, I presume?” I asked.

“Naturally,” Allie said, curtsying back to me. “For it is our firm, after all, but one day, the prince and princess shall inherit it.”

I felt myself blush so that my face matched my hair. “Perhaps,” I said, not knowing what I’d be doing next week, let alone when Allie and Hugo retired. “But, since you mentioned it, where is my prince this evening?”

“Somewhere,” Hugo put in, looking around the room. “Ah! There he is!” he said, and motioned with his hand as I turned around, spotting Nicholas as he came forward.

Nicholas took me in then as he stepped forward, a completely shocked expression on his face as he approached me completely. He reached out and took my hand, kissing it, and flashed a grin to his parents before pulling me towards the dance floor. “Now I have you to myself,” he whispered to me, and I felt my skin respond automatically to the innuendo behind his voice.

“Oh, really? You think so?” I asked him.

He chuckled. “Of course. Remember last year, Murphy?” he asked.

I felt flushed all over again. How could I forget something like that...?

_“Hi,” I said, giving him a wave._

_Nicholas hesitated for a moment. “Can we talk?” he asked._

_I nodded. “Sure,” I said, knowing that the music around us would’ve been counterproductive to attempt at yelling in conversation. I followed Nicholas then, into the kitchen area, which was now deserted, due to it being the end of the day. “What’s on your mind?”_

_He sighed. “I know you think I’m avoiding you.”_

_I crossed my arms. “It’s true, isn’t it?”_

_He sighed. “Slightly.”_

_I blinked. “What’s that supposed to mean?”_

_Nicholas bit his lip. “The whole office is going to know by Thanksgiving, Murph, but you should know that Charlotte’s dying.”_

_Automatically, my hands flew to my face. “Nicholas! I’m so sorry.”_

_He shrugged. “Yeah, well, can’t be helped.”_

_“But I thought that treatment was working...”_

_“Charlotte quit treatment,” he said quietly. “That’s why she’s here, Murphy, and it’s also why she decided to come home.”_

_I sighed, my hands falling to my sides. “She came home to die?”_

_He nods. “Yes.”_

_“I’m sorry.”_

_He nodded again. “We’re... We’re coping...or trying to.”_

_I bit my lip. “Look, you know how sorry I am about Charlotte, Nicholas, but you just said that the fact that you were ignoring me was only slightly true. I don’t want the slight truth here; I want the whole truth. Have you been avoiding me?”_

_Nicholas sighed. “Yes,” he said after a moment. “Yes, I have.”_

_I bit my lip, shaking my head and crossing my arms. “Is this about the fact that Josh and I are officially dating now? Are you acting like a pussy because Josh has the shiny new toy, and you can’t play with it anymore?”_

_He looked away. “That’s not fair, Murph.”_

_“None of this is fair,” I replied, throwing up my hands. “I have a daughter who can never see her biological father ever. You’re losing your sister. We have a case we need to be working on together, and we just might convict the wrong person, because you’re so fucking stubborn, you blocked the P.I. from investigating Paul’s half-sister.”_

_Nicholas shook his head. “It was irrelevant.”_

_I sighed, dragging my hands across my face. “Okay. None of this is irrelevant—we have our own shit going on, Nicholas. And you running away like a fucking pussy, just because you don’t like my choice of boyfriend, and using your sister’s death as a scapegoat, is the lowest thing I think you’ve ever done.”_

_“Charlotte is dying, Murphy,” Nicholas said firmly. “But, you’re right. I do have a problem with you dating Josh. There,” he said, “I said it.”_

_I rolled my eyes. “You’re not supposed to have a problem with it, Nicholas,” I fire back. “You don’t even care about me. So what should any of this matter?”_

_Nicholas sighed, looking up at the ceiling for a moment. “You honestly think, after all this time, that I don’t care about you, Murphy?”_

_I shook my head. “No, Nicholas, I don’t think you care about me. All you like to use me for is sex, and while I admit, I was okay with that arrangement, I was not okay with the unspoken strings that came with.”_

_“Unspoken strings?”_

_“You thinking you knew best when it came to my dating life,” I replied, annoyed that I actually had to explain this to him._

_“Sometimes I know best, Murphy.”_

_I roll my eyes. “Right—a guy who cares nothing about me knows what’s best when it comes to me choosing a significant other. Right...”_

_“Dammit, Murphy—I do care!” Nicholas cried, advancing upon me then and yanking me towards him, slamming his lips to mine. “I care so goddamn much,” he whispered, his breath feeling intoxicating on my mouth._

_I shook my head. “No. No, you can’t care...”_

_Nicholas sighed, looking down at me. “I care.”_

_Mulling it over for a fraction of a second, I feel my hands moving back towards his neck, which I pull towards me, inviting Nicholas back to kissing me. “I want you to care,” I whisper, feeling our hands working to get ourselves out of our clothes. “I want you to care so goddamn much,” I say, my voice throaty, as Nicholas leans me up against a cooking surface and makes me his pleasure that night._

“Murphy?” Nicholas asked, and I turned to look at him then.

“Yeah?” I asked, clearing my throat, for my voice was slightly hoarse from the memory my mind had become tangled in.

“Want a drink?” he asked.

I shook my head. “No,” I said. “No, I’m fine, thank you,” I said, smiling up at him as we glided the rest of the way to the dance floor. I put my hands upon his shoulders, as he put his on my waist, and we just swayed together for a few moments. “I’m sorry—about me now admitting to it then, when I should’ve,” I said quietly. “I just...”

“Were you scared?” he asked.

“No,” I said, immediately shaking my head before I locked my eyes with his, and he looked as if he didn’t completely believe me. “Maybe,” I admitted.

“We are talking about last year, right?” Nicholas asked, smirking lightly down at me as he turned me around in the dance for a moment, before bringing me back to him. “And the notion that you were attracted to me, and just wouldn’t admit it to yourself?”

I nodded. “Exactly.”

“You know, it’s okay to be afraid sometimes, Murphy,” he said.

I sighed. “Not for me—not for years,” I replied. “If I showed fear in front of Dr. Normal, it would all just get worse, and...”

Nicholas tilted my chin up then. “You’re not there anymore,” he said quietly, leaning down to kiss me, before he spun me around again, and I caught sight of Allie and Hugo again, the latter of whom was on his cell phone.

“What is going on over there?” I asked, nodding over to his parents, especially to Hugo, who looked distraught by something.

“No idea,” Nicholas replied, taking my hand and walking over there directly. “Mom? What’s going on?” he asked.

“Lots of things,” Allie replied, looking uneasy.

“Hold on,” Hugo said to whoever was on the phone, pulling it back from his ear, “Nicholas, it’s about the fire,” he said and, without warning, Nicholas dropped my hand and ushered Hugo out of the room.

“Do we know something?” I asked, and Allie sighed. “Allie, come on. If it’s information that’s important, both of us could be helpful. Remember, Hugo was unconscious when we dragged him out of there, which left us as the final witnesses...”

Allie locked eyes with mine. “You know what I’d do, if I were you?”

I sighed, crossing my arms. “Forget about it. Right?”

“No,” Allie said, immediately shaking her head at me. “No. I’d fucking follow them like there was no tomorrow.”

I blinked. “Excuse me?” I asked.

“Look, Murphy,” Allie said, placing her hand on my shoulder, “in the beginning, you mentioned how couples frequently didn’t see eye to eye... Do you remember?”

I nodded. “Yeah, of course I remember.”

“In the beginning of our marriage, Hugo and I had a misunderstanding,” she replied. “The long and short of it is, Hugo’s ex-girlfriend had gotten pregnant, and it was shortly after they had broken up.”

“Meaning that Hugo was possibly the father?” I asked.

Allie nodded. “Yes. And Hugo saw fit to keep this from me for five years. His ex-girlfriend later went on to have a son, and things got complicated because Charlotte actually met him and was dating him, shortly before her move to Los Angeles.”

“Was he...?” I asked, not wanting to say it.

“No,” Allie replied, “thank goodness. But that’s what prompted Charlotte to uproot so quickly. It partially had to do with her limited time, due to her leukemia, but she also felt as if Hugo had been lying to her, and she couldn’t trust him.”

“But, you stayed?”

Allie sighed. “Yes, I stayed, because I’d never felt safer with Hugo, and he’d never cheated on me, and I vowed to him that that—or murder, or some other horrendously violent or sick crime—would be the only way I would leave him. One lie?” she shrugged her shoulders. “I got over it in time, because we worked through it. He apologizes for it every day, and every day, I forgive him for it, because that’s how a relationship works—honesty, compassion, consideration, loyalty... I mean, no matter how you spin it, Murphy, it needs to have those things.”

“So, I should go after them?” I ask her.

“Yes. Absolutely. Don’t wait around for my son to tell you what he thinks you should know. Go into it with a blank slate in mind, but be ready, Murphy...”

“For what?”

“Be ready for a harsh reality,” Allie replied. “When someone thinks you’re not listening—even if it’s someone who loves you—they can become...blunt.”

I shook my head at her. “Nicholas doesn’t...” I said.

“Oh, he does, darling,” Allie said, patting my shoulder. “Now go after them and find out what they’re keeping from us.”

Still unsure, even from Allie’s words, I left her side and walked the way that Nicholas and Hugo had gone, out a side door—which I assumed was a servant’s entrance—which led down a long and narrow hallway. Through one door was the kitchen, but, as I cautiously stepped forward, I heard their voices around the corner, at the end of the hallway. Reaching down, I slipped off my heels, so that they wouldn’t echo on the floor, and made my way cautiously towards the pair of voices that were hiding god knows what.

“...Dad, just hang up,” Nicholas was saying. “You’ve got the information, now hang up so you can give it to me.”

Hugo sighed. “Fine,” he replied, and presumably hung up his phone. “They were able to go through the security camera footage, and they identified who the person was who planted the pipe bombs.”

“Really?” Nicholas cried. “That’s amazing! Who was it?”

“A low-life thug named Troy Chambers,” Hugo said, his voice filled with disgust. “But that’s not the worst part—Troy was paid off to do this. He avoided the death penalty and a mandatory life sentence for possession and planting of illegal bombs for giving up who paid him to do this horrible thing.”

“Dad, we don’t have the death penalty here anymore...” Nicholas put in, and I rolled my eyes at how senseless he was being in that moment.

“No, son—Chambers could’ve gotten it on a federal level. You know, because of the whole bomb thing being associated with terrorists,” Hugo explained. “Anyhow, we’ve got the name of who he was working for.”

“Who is it, Dad?” Nicholas asked.

“Pamela Farris paid off Troy Chambers to plant the pipe bombs and start the fire,” Hugo replied, and Nicholas gasped. “She’s been arrested, and admitted who she was targeting initially, so it’s unlikely she’ll get first-degree murder charges stacked against her, because, obviously, Cindy was not her intended target.”

“Dad, please,” Nicholas said, and my ears pricked up at the notion that his tone was choked, almost as if he didn’t want to believe the thoughts likely running through both our minds. “Don’t say it, Dad. Don’t tell me she wanted to...”

“I’m afraid it’s true, son,” Hugo said steadily, and Nicholas responded with a noise of anguish. “I know it’s devastating to hear, but you’ve got to. Pamela’s intended target was Murphy, and she wanted her dead.”

I was rooted to the spot for a moment, the notion that someone wanted me dead was completely alarming to me—!

“Dad, what do we do?” he asked then, cutting off my thoughts. “What can we do?”

“We have to tell Murphy the truth, and see if I have enough pull to potentially get her some protection detail—”

“Dad, you can’t be serious!”

“What are you talking about, Nicholas?”

“Dad, we...we can’t tell her,” he said quietly.

“Nicholas, you’re being ridiculous! For her own safety!”

“Dad, _I’ll_ keep her safe,” he replied.

“Nicholas, with all due respect, you’ve only been seeing Murphy for about four months now, and I hardly think—”

“Dad, I love her,” Nicholas said, and I felt something jarring from within me then. “I’m in love with her, and I’d never let anything happen to her.”

Hugo sighed then. “Son, if you love her, then you have to tell her the truth...”

“Not this, Dad,” he said firmly. “I can’t tell her this. Please...”

“It’s your relationship,” Hugo said then. “And even though I think it’s wrong to withhold the truth—and believe me, I learned that the hard way—if you think this way is best, I’ll support you, although I can’t say the same about your mother...”

“Dad, it’ll be fine,” Nicholas continued then.

I can’t tell you how much I wanted to round the corner and demand to know why Nicholas intended to lie to me, and why Hugo would support that. _Old habits die hard_ , my mind said for me then.

 _Shut up_ , _mind_! I thought to myself then as I turned around, slipping back into my heels. I made my way quickly towards the door then, opening it and slamming it behind me. _Just let them hear me_ , I thought to myself, running through the dancers and out into the main hallway again, not even bothering to make eye contact with Allie, or say goodbye. I got my cape and my bag before running out of there, through the cold night, and towards my car faster than I ever thought possible. I drove out of the parking lot and down the street, hot tears blinding my vision as I ripped the mask from my eyes and the tiara from my hair.

Once I arrived home, I noticed the lights in the living room were on, and as I parked in front, I tore the keys from the ignition and got out of my car, locking it automatically behind me. As I walked through the gate, I continued to allow the anguish of all I’d heard that evening flow through me, and as I walked up the stairs and to the front door, I found the sobs rising upwards from my throat, threatening to escape my lips.

I unlocked the door and stepped inside, seeing that it was after ten, so Liam and Iana should have been asleep. I noticed Ian was watching something on T.V., and as I threw my cape and shoes on the stairs, I trooped into the living room to join him. I sat down on the couch almost silently then and, immediately, Ian switched up the T.V.

“You’re back early,” he said, looking me over, his brow furrowing. “Everything okay? What happened to you?”

I opened my mouth to speak, and the sob I’d been dreading escaped my lips. “Everything happened, Ian...”

“Oh, my god, what did he do?!” he demanded, pulling me into his arms. “What did that son of a bitch do to you this time?!”

“Everything and nothing...” I whispered brokenly.

Ian pulled back then, looking me over. “Tell me everything, Murph. Right now.”

I nodded. The time had come. “Which part?” I asked him, and Ian looked shocked. “The part where Nicholas said he loved me while I was in a virtual coma, after the fire? Or maybe the part where Josh threatened me at the hospital when I got my bandage taken off? Or, get this, the part where Pamela Farris hired somebody to try to kill me, and Nicholas convinced Hugo to lie to me about it, after affirming his love for me, again?” I wanted to know, my voice shaking. “Which part should I tell you about?”

“Start from the beginning,” Ian replied, his expression one of shock.

I nodded. “Okay,” I said. “Okay, I’ll tell you everything...”

TO BE CONTINUED


	6. Great Expectations

After a handful of weeks of Ian telling me to snap out of my funk, and me telling Ian not to go after Nicholas or Josh, things managed to settle into a halfway point between normal and abnormal in our day-to-day lives. I didn’t show my pain towards Nicholas or Josh in front of Iana, of course, because even though my daughter was wise beyond her years, and I wanted her to understand that honesty was important within a family unit, I didn’t want to burden her with the problems of an adult so early in her life. Ian noticed, however, and yet resolved to remain tight-lipped whenever Nicholas was around, although I had the sense that my boyfriend knew that something was up.

“You doing okay?” he asked me, about a week before Thanksgiving, when we’d just finished a meeting with Gwen Eastman, in preparations for opening arguments happening in January. “I mean, you were really quiet today...”

“I presented my notes when asked to do so,” I replied, trying not to sound too defensive towards him. “What else was there to say?”

Nicholas nodded. “You’re right,” he said, gathering up his paperwork, sounding more concerned than anything else. “You didn’t prattle on about your personal life,” he went on, and I could sense that this was his attempt at a joke, in an effort to get me to open up to him. “I’m surprised you only replied to Gwen asking about Iana. Usually you...”

“Go on and on about her,” I said, plastering a smile onto my face as I finished picking up my things in a somewhat organizational manner. “I know. I’ve been trying to work on that. Fact is, I want people to care as much about my daughter as I do, but I’ve come to realize that certain things aren’t healthy wishes.”

He shook his head. “No. In our line of work especially, we have to be careful how close to people we present ourselves.”

“And maybe to each other,” I say, the words slipping from my lips before I can stop them, and I deliberately look away from Nicholas then, checking my phone.

“What do you mean by that?” he asked.

Immediately, I shook my head. “Nothing,” I replied, my tone clipped. “Hey, it’s almost two-thirty now, so I’ve got to get to my office and finish my work before I’m done for today. I know it’s one of my long days, but Gwen gave us some things to think about...”

“Sure,” Nicholas replied.

I raised my eyes to his, giving him a stiff nod. “Great,” I replied, turning around and placing my hand upon the door handle.

“Hey, Murph?” Nicholas asked, coming up behind me and placing his hand on mine, which caused my whole body to stiffen. “You okay?”

I turned around then, my stiffness not leaving me. Since Halloween, Nicholas and I had seldom been physically close, even though we were now in a relationship, and I could sense that he missed me, but I didn’t want to give in to my body’s urges—I couldn’t. I felt like there was a barrier between us that had ceased to exist since this past June, during the blissful, early days of our relationship, but now that there was this lie just festering between us...

“I’m fine,” I said quickly—too quickly.

He arched an eyebrow. “You sure?”

I nodded, determined not to have a screaming match with him in a conference room—I wouldn’t air on that side of professionalism, or lack thereof, ever again. “Of course. Everything’s fine. I mean, you don’t have to worry...”

“I do... I worry,” he said then, the small confession slipping through his lips.

I hesitated for a moment before standing on my toes and kissing him lightly on the lips. “Don’t worry about me, Nicholas, please,” I told him, my voice firm. “I mean, I was alone for the first two decades of my life...”

“You’re not alone anymore, Murphy...”

I swallowed then, knowing that if I didn’t get out of this position, I could very well end up doing something I’d later regret. “I know that,” I reply.

“What are you doing next week?” he asked quietly.

I blinked. “As in, next week-next week, or a week from today?”

“The second one.”

“Thanksgiving Day,” I said, giving him another stiff nod. “Just dinner with the family, like we always do it—Gallagher style,” I said, shrugging. “Why?”

“Because I wanted to ask if you wanted to shake things up a little.”

I mulled it over in my mind, pulling a bit at the frayed edge of my leather file folder, which I reminded myself to get replaced before we returned to court in less two months. “What did you have in mind?”

“Well, I’m asking if you want to have Thanksgiving with me—well, my family—at my parents’ house this year...”

My eyes shot upwards to Nicholas’s. “You mean, have it with your family?”

Nicholas nodded. “That’s exactly what I’m asking, yes.”

I sighed. “That’s a very sweet offer, Nicholas, really...”

“But?”

“But Iana feels most comfortable at our house and it would be a massive to do to have such an overwhelming day as it is—which I have to help prepare—and just yank her out of her typical environment for a few hours,” I replied, knowing that I had to lie, just this once, to get out of spending more time with him. “I have to think of my daughter’s best interests here, Nicholas. I told you from the get-go, it’s not just me.”

“I really think you’re holding her too close to you, Murphy...”

“You don’t get to voice your opinion so fully, Nicholas,” I retorted. “You may be my boyfriend, but you are not Iana’s father. Iana’s mine, and I get to make the decisions for her as I see fit,” I said firmly, managing to find the door handle from behind me. “Now, if you will excuse me, please,” I said, stepping out into the hallway, “I have some more paperwork on the Eastman case to catch up on.”

I turned around then and left him standing there in the conference room and I promptly walked down the hallway towards my office without looking back. I let myself into my office and shut the door behind me, becoming sickened all over again at the sight of the hideous modern and slightly futuristic furniture. Crossing and placing my belongings upon my desk, I move towards the window and pull up the blinds quickly, and roll my eyes then, having forgotten that, in this interim location, the only thing I could see staring back at me was a solid brick wall, which just had to be some sort of sick metaphor, I reasoned with myself before pulling the blinds back down again.

That night, after everyone but Ian and I had gone to bed, we were sitting on the couch as we frequently did so late, not really watching the T.V. I had since allowed my head to fall onto his shoulder, and Ian had too leaned his head down upon mine. As we sat there in mutual silence, I found the need to speak, for although my twin now knew everything, much had remained unspoken regarding our day-to-day lives recently.

“Nicholas and I spoke today.”

“Really? Don’t you speak every day?”

I rolled my eyes. “Yeah, but this wasn’t about work. It was personal.”

“Yeah? What did the liar want now?”

“Look, despite everything, I don’t want you calling him names.”

“Fine, then,” Ian replied. “What did _he_ want?”

I scoffed. “That’s better,” I said softly. “He asked about Thanksgiving.”

“Please tell me you didn’t invite him here,” he said through his teeth. “It’s bad enough watching you refuse to let him spend the night now that he’s been branded a liar...”

“Ian,” I said, my voice firm.

“Sorry. Continue.”

“No, I didn’t invite him here,” I told him quietly. “I told him some bullshit about Iana being overwhelmed and that it would make her upset if I brought her over there...”

Ian laughed. “You could’ve said _I_ ’ _d_ be upset...”

I inch my head away from his before looking up at him. “You would have been upset if I went to Allie and Hugo’s for Thanksgiving?”

He shrugged. “If it meant you spending more time with Nicholas, with a lack of communication between the two of you, yes.”

I stuck my tongue out at him. “Well, he admitted that he’s worried about me, but that could just mean that he’s upset that I’m not fucking him on the regular anymore...”

“You’re not?”

“Not regularly, no,” I replied. “Of course, given our long work hours on this latest case, the whole ‘I’m tired’ thing really helps. Plus there’s Iana to consider; I mean, I am exhausted from work and I need to devote some time to her...”

“So, did you say ‘no’?” Ian asks. “About Thanksgiving?”

“Of course,” I replied. “I didn’t say, ‘Take this invitation and shove it’ or anything like that. I’m biding my time with this lie...”

“To see what it gets you?” Ian asked with a smirk.

Without hesitation, I slapped him on the shoulder. “No, you asshole,” I said, a laugh creeping out of my mouth for the first time in I didn’t remember how long. “Just... I don’t know. Maybe a part of me thrives on drama...”

“You’re a Gallagher,” Ian said.

I sighed. “I know that.”

“So, when are you going to tell him that you know he’s in love with you, but can’t stand the fact that he lied to you?”

I laughed. “The big reveal usually comes at the end of something... So, I don’t know, maybe once the trial ends or something...”

“You sound like a character from a T.V. show,” Ian said with a laugh.

I shrugged. “Hey, who knows really?” I said. “The fucking government probably has the house bugged or something. Who knows with the way politics are going?”

. . . 

I woke up on Thanksgiving to the sight of Iana grinning at me as she stood in her crib, and I found myself laughing at the impish expression she was giving me. Climbing out of my bed and crossing over to hers, I lifted her out immediately and let out a noise at the notion that she needed to be changed immediately. I set her down atop the changing table and got to work immediately, not wanting the day to be overtaken completely, especially so early in the morning. Once she was changed and clean and my hands were sanitized, I looked over her bit of the wardrobe and selected a white, frilly blouse, along with a sleeveless brown dress, orange tights, and black Mary Jane shoes.

“You are going to be the prettiest girl there ever was, my darling,” I informed her, kissing her on the forehead as I got her ready.

“You are, Mama,” Iana replied.

I rolled my eyes. “Not Mama,” I said, nibbling at her fingers as she laughed. “Now, you stay right there, young lady,” I said, flashing her a grin. “Mama has to get dressed now. Then we’ll go to the bathroom and brush our teeth, and then it’s downstairs we go.”

“Turkey!” Iana said, clapping her hands.

“That’s right!” I said, grabbing a pair of my nicer jeans out of the closet, and pairing them with a burnt cream-colored sweater with a chunky neck, as well as a caramel-colored pair of ankle boots to finish off the fall ensemble, taking off my pajama pants and replacing them with my jeans, which I now stepped into. “And there will be lots of people here to see you! Your aunts and uncles, and Cousin Franny...”

“Trev-Trev?” she asked, her affectionate nickname for Trevor still amusing to me.

I nodded, replacing my tank top with a proper cami before putting my sweater on. “Of course Trevor is coming, angel,” I told her.

“And Nicky?”

I hesitated for a moment, not wanting to lie to her, but also wanting to turn this into a teaching moment as I straightened out the neckline of my sweater. “Well, you know, sweetheart, that Nicky’s mother and father like to have him at home...”

“Yeah?” Iana said.

“Well,” I continued, grabbing my boots and moving to sit beside her on my bed, “Nicky is going to spend Thanksgiving with them today. His brother Lucas is coming into town with Ben, and they are going to celebrate at Hugo and Allie’s house, and you and I are going to celebrate here with Uncle Ian and everybody else.”

“No Nicky?”

I shook my head, buckling my boots into place before turning to look at her. “Not today, I’m afraid, lovey. Is that all right?”

Iana nodded, processing it for a moment before looking up at me. “Yeah, it’s okay,” she said after a moment or two of silence. “But can I still miss Nicky?”

I smiled down at her, leaning down to kiss her forehead. “Of course, sweetheart. You can miss Nicky—of course that’s all right.”

Iana smiled. “Okay, Mama,” she said, holding out her arms as I got to my feet.

I smiled indulgently at my daughter, scooping her up and taking her out of my bedroom, tucking my cell phone in my pocket as I went. Making my way down the hallway, we stepped into the bathroom and brushed our teeth before going downstairs. “Morning!” I called to Ian, who was doing something with his cell as I placed Iana beside Liam on the couch. “What are you doing right now?” I asked him, wandering into the kitchen proper to cut up a peach for Iana, knowing full well she wouldn’t be able to wait for another six hours or so.

“Texting with Trevor to coordinate when he’s coming...”

“He bringing anything?” I asked, running the peach underneath the tap before wrapping it into a paper towel for a moment.

“Yeah—stuffing.”

I snorted for a moment, and Ian looked up at me with raised eyebrows. “Nothing—nothing!” I said, immediately shaking my head as I dug in a drawer for a suitable knife, before slicing up the peach and putting it on a plate. “Come on, Iana!” I called to her, watching as she got herself down from the couch to come over to the highchair, which I lifted her into. “Want a banana, Liam?” I called back to him.

“Yeah, thanks,” Liam replied, not looking away from whatever contrived holiday special he was watching—I think I saw some cartoon renditions of pilgrims...

“Okay,” I said, grabbing one from the fruit bowl and bringing it over to him. “And what all is everybody else bringing?”

“Fiona’s bringing some pies, of course,” Ian said, “and Debbie said something about Lip bringing potatoes...”

I shrugged. “Works for me.”

“Debbie’s bringing yams...”

“Dessert yams or gourmet yams?”

Ian looked up. “Is there a difference?”

I laughed. “Of course! Dessert yams have the marshmallows, but everybody eats them as a side dish for some reason. And then the standard ones...” I shrugged. “...I don’t know, they don’t have marshmallows, I guess. Oh, how should I know?!” I demanded, when Ian proceeded to break out into laughter. “You know as well as I do that I hate yams!”

Ian smirked in a moment of triumph. “Yeah, I knew that.”

“You really suck,” I said, shaking my head at him.

Ian laughed aloud then. “So I’ve been told.”

“Hey!” I said, trying and failing to remain serious. “Not in front of Iana.”

Ian shrugged. “Your call.”

The next several hours were taken up with cooking the turkey, gravy, green beans, and everything and anything that the rest of the family wasn’t bringing. Trevor showed up first, spending time with Iana in the kitchen with the two of us as we scrambled around with the cooking aspect of things. Fiona and Lip arrived together shortly thereafter, each with their promised dishes, and Fiona set to work in getting the table ready. About half an hour later, Debbie, Franny, and Carl showed up as a unit, and the latter sat with Liam on the couch reveling in being sprung from the military academy, albeit on a short-term basis.

“How’s things with Nicholas?” Fiona asked, once she got me alone, as Ian had sprung me from cooking duty to help her set the table.

I shook my head. “No comment.”

“I’m not some news anchor wanting the latest scoop on a case, Murph,” Fiona said, her tone slightly critical. “I’m your sister.”

“So what?” I said, my voice hinging a little then on the border of devastation as I tried to keep it together as I turned to look at her. “So what, Fi? It doesn’t matter who you are. If I don’t want to talk about it, I shouldn’t have to...”

“Hey, hey, wait a minute,” Fiona said, catching my arm as I moved to leave the room. “Stop running for two seconds.”

“Let me go, Fi, please...”

“Not until you tell me what’s bothering you,” she said firmly, searching my face. “Something is obviously bothering you, and I want to know the reason.”

I shook my head. “There’s no reason. Just drop it, Fiona,” I said, locking my eyes with hers, their shade nearly identical, and I cursed myself for only just noticing it now. “Please. Just let this all go so we can have a proper family get-together...”

“Your voice is shaking, which is a direct tip-off to me that something is wrong,” Fiona said, her voice gentler this time around. “Come on, Murphy. What’s going on?”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” I replied, yanking away from her, this time able to do so, and walked out of the room, down the hallway, and outside. The cold cut into my sweater as I slammed the door behind me, and I automatically crossed my arms to ward off the cold. I put my head into my hands, dragging both palms along my cheeks then before the fell to my sides, the sound of a card door and a familiar face catching me off-guard.

“Murph?”

My breath came out in cloud-like puffs as I stood there, frozen, on the front porch of my house as I watched then, as Nicholas circled his car and walked up to the gate. “Nicholas?” I asked him then, my voice coming out a slight squeak. “What are you doing here?”

He hesitated for a moment, his hand inching towards the lock of the gate. “Well, if I could come inside, I could explain myself...”

Immediately, life returned to my legs then as I marched down the stairs, onto the path, and towards the gate, whereupon I jammed down the gates’ lock again. “Outside is far enough,” I replied, my tone clipped and no longer inquisitive.

Nicholas blinked in surprise then. “Really?” he asked, his voice filled with a good degree of shock, but I would not allow myself to be moved.

“Yeah. Far enough,” I said, crossing my arms. “State your purpose.”

Nicholas looked slightly pained—a significant amount of self-control was used then as his eyes fully absorbed the pain, which likely flowed through him, yet he resolved to hold it back from me then. “I want to know why...”

I sighed, dragging my hands through my hair at his hesitation. “Nicholas, I’m sure you’re quite aware of what day it is,” I said, resolving to keep my tone clipped.

He sighed. “Yes, I’m aware. Which is why I had to see you...”

“Okay,” I said, shrugging. “Talk.”

“I want to know why you’ve been so distant towards me,” he said, reaching out then to take my hand, but I automatically stepped away from him. “Murphy...”

“I’m not lay out all my cards out on the table,” I said, trying to keep my tone emotionless, knowing that he had the capability to suck me in at any moment. “Not like this.”

“Not like what, Murph?” Nicholas asked, attempting to reach for me again, but I pulled myself back even further. “Jesus. Are you turning into a fucking nun on me?!”

“No!” I shouted at him, and he was shocked by the rage that was pushed forth into that one single word. “No, I’m not,” I said, containing myself by speaking through my teeth. “No, I’m not turning into a fucking nun, okay?”

“Then what the fuck is the matter with you?!” he demanded. “For _weeks_ you’ve been pulling away from me, and I want to know why!”

“Why?” I said, scoffing the word to myself, knowing that I couldn’t give up the true reason, not yet, despite the notion that it was eating me up inside and damn near killing me. “I can’t tell you that, Nicholas,” I said, turning back to look at him.

He shook his head then. “Come on, Murph. Talk to me.”

“I don’t want to,” I replied. “I don’t want to do this today. Of all days, Nicholas, don’t make me do this now,” I said, turning around and walking towards the house.

“When would you like to do this, then?!” he demanded.

I turned around then, midway up the stairs. “Monday works fine for me!”

Nicholas grumbled then, throwing up his hand. “Okay, fine,” he called back, sounding slightly defeated then as he moved back towards his car.

I got up the rest of the way to the door, letting myself inside and slamming it back behind me, and leaned up against its body. I looked up then, seeing Ian coming towards me, and I hesitated for a moment.

“Your face and nose are red,” Ian said.

I shrugged at him then, grabbing at my nose to ward off looking like Rudolph nearly a month too early. “Your nose is attached to your face, so I hardly see why it deserves its own mention,” I said stoically.

Ian gave a slight nod. “Want to talk about it?”

“Give me ninety-six hours,” I replied, walking past him to the kitchen. “I may take you up on the offer then.”

. . .

I arrived at the firm on Monday morning, finding that the atmosphere was surprisingly quiet as I passed the assistants’ station and made my way towards my office. I open the door and flip on the light, shutting it behind me and making my way over to my desk, setting down my things and putting my hands on my hips. I didn’t know if Nicholas was in yet—all he’d told me was that he would be in to see me sometime that morning for our discussion. A bit of dread trickled up my spine as I considered it, and wondered what if...

The sound of my door opening would’ve normally sent me into attack mode, but as I turned around and caught sight of Nicholas, I hesitated for a moment, just standing there at my desk as he moved to shut the door behind me. I deliberately moved in a side-stepping motion away from my desk, effectively letting Nicholas know that now was not the time to fix our problems with sex, something that we’d frequently fallen back on. Mentally shaking my head at the notion of how we’d solved things in the past, I sighed.

“Talk,” I said quietly.

Nicholas sighed. “Fine. What do you want me to say?”

I crossed my arms, forcing my tone back several notches so as I didn’t come out screaming at him, no matter how much I felt he deserved it. “You really don’t want to play this game with me right now,” I replied. “I may have said when I was ready to talk, but I certainly don’t want to dictate your speeches now. Just...talk,” I said, really struggling with my own speech then, not wanting to turn him away completely.

He dragged his hand through his hair. “I don’t know what you want to hear.”

I rolled my eyes, quickly losing my patience with him. “I don’t necessarily want to hear one thing or another, Nicholas.” _The truth would be beneficial_ , I thought to myself. “Just tell me what you came here for.”

“To talk about this sentence of discipline that you seem determined to place me under!” he cried out, growing annoyed with me.

I shook my head at him. “You wouldn’t understand...”

“Then try me,” he replied then, crossing the room, and taking me by the arm. “Just talk to me Murphy, please...”

“Don’t,” I said then, jerking away from him. “I thought I made it physically clear to you the other day that I didn’t want you touching me.”

“Why?” he asked then—more of a demand—as he reached out towards me again, and I gasped as he touched me. “Why don’t you want me touching you? Are we okay?”

“Get the fuck off me!” I screamed, shoving him away from me. “I don’t want your hands anywhere near me—”

Nicholas grabbed me then, slamming his mouth onto mine, kissing me, roughly, on the mouth, and I melted at his touch. “Really?” he asked then as I responded to him.

“Shut the fuck up,” I replied, fumbling then with his trousers and finding him then, before hiking up my skirts, dropping my panties to allow him easy access. I dragged my hands around his pockets, rolling my eyes when I found a condom lurking inside, and ripped it open, putting it on before I yanked him closer, allowing him inside me. “Don’t talk,” I told him, slamming my mouth back onto his.

“Fair enough,” he replied.

“That...” I gasped aloud at the impact I felt at the feeling of him inside me, after so many weeks of going without. “...counts as talking, Blomqvist...”

“Sorry, Gallagher,” he replied.

I rolled my eyes. “Just...shut up,” I said then, biting my lip then as he slammed me up against one of the walls of my office, taking me roughly and quickly—just what the doctor ordered, although a psychiatrist would bat an eye. After a total of two minutes, we had both managed to satisfy one another, and I shoved Nicholas away from me then, yanking up my panties again as I moved to walk away from him.

“Hey, wait a minute,” Nicholas said, dragging me back to his side, while his free hand made quick work of adjusting himself as I pulled my skirt back down. “You didn’t answer my question from before.”

I sighed, attempting to get back to my desk, which I just managed to do, in order to fetch my hand sanitizer, which I considerately offered to Nicholas as well, which he took. I hesitated for a moment, attempting to get my breathing under control, which would be necessary, as we had a Skype call with the judge of the Eastman case later that afternoon to discuss preliminary arrangements for the opening arguments. “And what question was that?” I asked him, smoothing my hair once my hands were deemed 99.9% free of germs.

“Are we okay?” he asked again.

I sighed, knowing that I had to play it cool, especially now that I’d given in to my baser instincts, and, even though I hated myself for it, I crossed back over to him, placing a light kiss on his cheek and forcing myself to smile up at him. “We’re fine,” I replied. “Why wouldn’t we be? I think we just made up whatever was going on between us by that little display anyway. Nothing to worry about.”

Nicholas nodded. “You sure?”

I returned his nod. “Absolutely.”

Nicholas too gave me a kiss on the cheek. “See you later,” he said, taking the opportunity to squeeze my ass in the process before he slipped out of my office.

I sighed, moving to pick up my phone, which inadvertently when into camera mode, and I got a good look at my flushed face. “Toxicity, my name is Murphy Gallagher,” I said to my reflection, and shook my head. “Fuck me. What have I done?” I whispered to myself, exiting the camera app and opening up my text messaging one, finding my conversation with Ian.

 _I know it hasn_ ’ _t been ninety_ - _six hours yet_ , _but this is your twin who is having a revelation that she is in a toxic relationship_. _Please respond_ , I wrote quickly, sending it off and hoping beyond hope for the best.


	7. The End of an Era

I was thankful that Hugo and Allie requested to sit in on a few of the meetings we hard regarding the Eastman case, and even managed to meet with Gwen a few times on our behalf. It saddened me, however, that they thought they were doing Nicholas and me a favor, and they were—by separating the two of us. As December dawned and I really began thinking of the toxicity and lies that existed between the two of us, and I found myself suddenly wondering if I was in way over my head.

“What’s the matter?” Nicholas asked as I unbound my legs from around his torso and let myself down, straightening out my skirt after our latest escapade in his office. “You look...worried. I mean, you’ve been so quiet these last couple of weeks...”

“Just got a lot on my mind,” I replied noncommittally, turning around so as he could do up the single button on the back of my blouse.

“Really?”

“Yeah, really,” I replied, my tone clipped with impatience as I pulled away from him, to prevent him from overtly touching me. “We’ve got the case, plus Christmas is nearly two weeks away and I’ve done only half my shopping...”

“Half your shopping?” he asked as I gathered my leather folder and held it to my chest, almost as if it was a shield to ward him off as I walked towards the door. “That’s so unlike you, Murph. I mean, you usually do it all the first weekend in December. Are you sure you’re doing all right? Is it someone in your family? Is it Iana—?”

“I’m fine!” I snapped, stiffening at the sound of my voice at verbally backhanding his concern for me and every other Gallagher around. “My family is fine. Iana is great. I have to get going now, Nicholas,” I said, not making eye contact as I left his office.

I dragged my hand over my face as I walked down the hallway, getting the tears completely out of my eyes until they had the balls to run down my cheeks. Making it there, I saw that it was after one o’clock, and, despite the fact that it was early for me to cut my day short, I was physically and mentally exhausted. I turned and looked out the window then, seeing that swirls of snow were proceeding to dot what little of the landscape was readily available for me to see, and I shook my head, wanting desperately to get out of there.

I took out my phone as I gathered up my things, telling Allie that I was leaving early that Friday afternoon as something had come up at home. Always understanding, Allie told me that she hoped things would be all right as I grabbed my winter coat, putting that on along with my hat and scarf, and deliberately stuffed my earmuffs into my pocket. I gathered my things up into my bag, pulling on my gloves, slipping my heels into my bag and making a grab for my faux fur-lined snow boots and slipped them on as I flicked off the light and stepped out of my office and trudged down the hallway.

Making my way to the elevators, I adjusted the strap of my bag higher up upon my shoulder as I pressed the ‘down’ button with my gloved finger. I tapped the toe of my boot on the wooden floor, growing impatient to get out of the interim office building. The new firm building was due to open the first of next month, but I wasn’t holding my breath for kept promises. The elevator dinged open then and I stepped into it, pressing the correct parking garage level and pressing the ‘door close’ buttons.

Once I made it down to the parking garage, I crossed directly towards my car and got inside, pulling the door shut with a mighty slam behind me. I tossed my work bag onto the passenger seat and stuck my keys into the ignition, gripping tightly onto my steering wheel, and swearing when I realized my gloves wouldn’t allow me to do so properly. I tore them off and threw them down into the well of the passenger seat, gripping the hardened circle then, biting my lower lip to keep the cold from entering my bones as the hot tears formed in my eyes again.

“He’s a fucking liar,” I whispered to myself then, my shoulders quaking beneath my coat, “and you’re supposed to hate him—why can’t you hate him?!” I demanded, hitting my head onto the steering wheel, letting out an anguished scream. The scream morphed into a sob then as I fumbled for my phone, dialing a familiar number as I did my best to hold it to my ear without dropping it.

“Hey, Murph! What’s up?”

“Fi...” I whispered, my voice broken.

“Murph?”

I felt another sob escaping my lips. “I’m sorry,” I blubbered. “I’m sorry I was such a bitch to you on Thanksgiving—”

“Shut up—it doesn’t matter,” her firm voice came back at me through the phone. “Listen, I’m doing a few laps around the block of the diner in my down time. Why don’t you come over here and walk with me? You have a while, don’t you?”

“Y-yeah,” I replied. “I... I left work early...”

“Just one of those days, huh?”

“Yeah,” I said, lifting my head and clearing my throat. “Something tells me that you know the half of it...”

“Always,” she replied. “Get your butt over here and we’ll talk.”

“I’ll be there soon,” I replied, cutting the call.

I cleared my eyes of the offending salt water matter and turned my key in the ignition, my car firing to life as I pulled out of my temporary parking space. I got out of the parking lot, putting on the windshield wipers to keep the falling snow from obliterating my vision entirely as I drove down towards the highway, which would lead me directly to the diner. I hummed nonsense to myself as I drove, wanting to distract myself from the inevitable wash of tears that so desperately wanted to escape and kept my eyes on the road.

I arrived at the diner quickly enough, pulling out in front as usual and getting out of my car, ever thankful for the grips that my snow boots were equipped with as I carefully walked along the icy street, getting up onto the sidewalk quickly. Looking around, I slipped my gloves back on as I walked slowly around the block before turning the corner, feeling instant relief that I saw Fiona walking towards me, and immediately made for her then. I was relieved I didn’t go sliding along the sidewalk as I ran to my older sister, throwing my arms around her quickly then and never wanting to let go.

“I guess this is your method of an apology?” Fiona joked, a short burst of laughter leaving her then as she held me tightly. “Everything okay?”

I sighed, letting her go and just standing there for a moment, reassuring myself that Fiona only had my best interests at heart and, if the stars had been aligned differently, she’d have been the one to raise me, not Tina and Dr. Normal. “I lied...”

“You lied?” she asked, looking at me then in confusion. “What do you mean?”

I sighed, my shoulders deflating, knowing that I had to get this off my chest. “Me and Nicholas, we’re not fine...”

Fiona sighed. “I expected as much... What happened?”

“We know who planted the pipe bomb,” I say, and Fiona looks shocked. “Well, they know, and Nicholas convinced Hugo to keep me in the dark about it...”

“Keep you in the dark?!” Fiona demanded.

I nodded. “Yeah. Nicholas claims that, because he’s so in love with me, that it would be better for everyone that I didn’t know that I was on some lady’s hit list—”

“Hold up,” Fiona said, cutting across me. “He’s in love with you, and some lady wanted you dead?! Kindly explain to me this, little sister.”

I sighed. “Yeah. Nicholas is in love with me. He’s said it twice.”

“And how many times have you said it back?”

I shrug my shoulders. “Zero.”

“Wait. How come you haven’t—?”

“Because the first time was when he came to see me in the hospital—I guess he thought I was in a coma or something, but I was really just exhausted from the ordeal, which explains the fainting spell,” I said, knotting my gloved fingers together. “And the second time was on Halloween, when Nicholas told Hugo not to tell me about me being the target of the bomb and the fire, and Hugo agreed to go along with it...”

“Which fucker planted the bombs?!” Fiona demanded.

“Pamela Farris, the woman who attacked me in the courtroom,” I replied, crossing my arms. “I guess you can say it’s official—she’s tried to kill me twice.”

Fiona looked around then, fear in her eyes before turning back to me. “They locked that bitch up, right, Murph?”

I nodded. “Yeah. Yeah, she’s gone.”

Fiona sighed in relief then. “Good,” she replied. “But, I take it, you haven’t confronted Nicholas with any of this, right? With what you know?”

I shook my head. “No.”

“Why not?” she asked.

I shook my head again, raising my eyes to hers. “Because I’m afraid of what I might do,” I said quietly to her.

“What do you mean?”

I bit my lip. “It’s gone back to the way it was—we’ve been fucking at work, and there’s no emotion behind it, really. We don’t talk—I always push him away. A couple of weeks ago, he wanted to talk—on Thanksgiving—and I turned him away. When he asked when we could talk, I told him on Monday...”

“Did you talk then?”

“For maybe five minutes,” I replied, “until he continually tried to grab me and I shoved him away a few times before we ended up fucking in my office...”

“Murphy, this isn’t healthy,” Fiona said gently. “You need to tell him what you heard. If you don’t, you could lose him forever.”

I sighed. “Don’t say that.”

“It’s true, Murphy. You could—”

“Don’t say that!” I cried out then, fresh tears escaping from my eyes as I raised them to hers, my voice shaking. “Don’t say that, Fi. I...I can’t...”

She raised her eyebrows. “Murph...”

“What?”

“You love him,” she said, and as I looked away, she touched my arm, and I looked back at her as she continued to speak, “don’t you?”

I ripped my hand away. “I am not having this conversation again.”

“Well, we’ve established the fact that you care about him—”

“I don’t fucking love him!” I cried out then. “Stop insinuating this, Fiona! I don’t love him... I can’t... Can’t love him...”

“Murph?”

“I can’t,” I whispered then, collapsing in her arms all over again, as my older sister continued to hold me as I sobbed.

. . .

The workload seemed to diminish more and more by the day as our cutoff for Christmas vacation began within the firm, and, by the twenty-first of December, I was ready to head home to begin my vacation. As I stepped out of my office, pulling the door closed behind me after turning off the light, I spotted the light beneath Nicholas’s door, and knew that he was still there, presumably working late. I shook my head, turning around and walking in the opposite direction, towards the elevators, to head home. A snowstorm was expected that night, and while Liam was already on break from school, I wanted to collect Iana and quickly from daycare before it hit completely and potentially stranded us.

The drive to Iana’s daycare wasn’t terrible, and I felt relief when I saw that Rebecca had readied her for me as I stepped inside. I gave Rebecca her Christmas present—a book that I’d read recently that I thought she would enjoy—before taking Iana into my arms. I wished Rebecca a happy holiday before stepping outside, pulling Iana’s bag higher on my shoulder, and adjusting the collar of her coat.

“Mama, Christmas,” Iana said.

I smiled, kissing her pink cheek as we walked towards my car. “That’s right, sweetheart. Just four more days.”

“Presents for Iana?” she wanted to know.

I nodded. “Yeah, of course, my angel. Many, many presents. Some that are still coming in the mail,” I told her as we arrived at the car, which I unlocked quickly, and proceeded to strap her into her car seat. “But, when we get home, you, me, and Uncle Liam will have a mug of hot chocolate, my darling. How does that sound?”

“Yay!” Iana cheered, clapping her mittened hands together.

I smiled at my ability to make my daughter happy as I kissed her forehead, making sure she was buckled in all right before I shut the door. I hurried to the driver’s side door, getting in myself and shutting it against the cold as I stuck my keys into the ignition. “We’ll head straight home now, my sweet,” I said, peeking up at her in the mirror as I pulled out of my parking space. “I guess you or I have to pick which one of us will ask Uncle Ian and Uncle Liam about building a snowman tomorrow...”

“Snowman?” Iana asked, readily interested.

I nodded. “Of course a snowman,” I said, flashing her a smile as I continued driving down the main road, towards the highway which would take us past the diner and The Alibi, and then the rest of the way home. “We’ll have such fun this Christmas.”

Iana smiled at that, making small talk with me for the rest of the drive as we passed all the notable landmarks, before finally arriving on our street. I made a grab for my bag and quickly got out of the car, scooping up Iana and her bag from the back seat and shutting and locking the doors behind us. Quickly, making my way quickly towards the gate, letting myself inside and shutting it behind us as I made my way towards the porch, doing my best not to slip. Once we got to the top, I set Iana down and unlocked the door, whereupon she blitzed inside, running into the living room where Liam was, and he immediately brought her onto the couch and proceeded to help her take off her outside clothes as I shut and locked the door.

“Thanks, little man,” I said, coming into the living room before bending down and kissing his forehead in greeting. “Now, who would like some hot chocolate and some sugar cookies?” I asked them.

“Me!” they yelled at the same time.

“Of course you both would,” I said, smiling as Liam quickly turned on the T.V. to Iana’s favorite show, pulling out a comic book from underneath the couch cushion, perfectly happy to still sit with her while he amused himself.

I stepped into the kitchen, pulling out all the ingredients for the cookies before warming up some water for the hot chocolate. I texted Ian, letting him know that Liam was all in one piece and that Iana and I had made it home safely. I puttered around the kitchen for a while, making the cookies and the hot chocolate, timing it perfectly so that the cookies were going into the oven as soon as the hot chocolate was ready. I put each mug on a tray and brought them into the living room—my phone serving as the timer for the cookies, which rested in my pocket—and handed Liam his own mug, but kept Iana’s mug by me until her drink cooled off.

“How was your day, Liam?” I asked, pleased that he had put his comic book aside when I’d come over to sit down.

Liam shrugged. “Okay.”

“Yeah?” I asked, trying to catch his eye. “You were alone for a few hours. Ian and I didn’t want you to be alone, but we both had to work... You know, I’ll be here until you go back to school. I don’t go back until after New Year’s...”

“I had company,” Liam said quietly.

I raised my eyebrows, not wanting to make him uncomfortable if it was a girl—or a boy—who he meant. “Oh, I see. Someone from school?” I asked.

He shook his head. “No. Nobody from school.”

“All right,” I said, wanting to get to the bottom of it. “Did... Did Frank come over, Liam?” I asked him tentatively, knowing that I would have to tell Ian immediately if Frank had been over to the house when neither of us were around.

“Not Frank.”

“Another member of the family, then?” I guessed.

Liam nodded. “Yeah.”

“Well, who?” I asked. It was then that I heard the telltale sound of a faucet stopping from upstairs and I immediately got to my feet, retrieving the baseball bat from its corner, and turned to look at Liam. “You stay with Iana,” I ordered, immediately going up the stairs, bat gripped firmly in my hand.

“Murphy...?” Liam asked.

“Stay there—both of you,” I told him firmly, making my way up the rest of the stairs and walking cautiously towards the bathroom. I could hear whoever was in there shuffling around—presumably putting some clothes on—and I felt my heart beating more quickly then as I attempted to decipher who was alone with Liam all day. Finally, not taking it anymore, I kicked the bathroom door open, yelling, “Freeze, dirtbag!” and “Oh, Jesus!” in a total of five seconds flat when I saw who was in there.

“Oh, fuck!” Lip replied, moving to cover his bottom half with his towel. “Jesus, Murph! You could’ve knocked!”

“And you could’ve told me or Ian that you’d be here!” I said, looking away and flushing at the notion that I’d very nearly seen my brother naked—and I didn’t need that memory intentionally ingrained on my brain twice.

“I asked Ian if I could come by and shower before my shift at the diner,” Lip replied, his tone steady as he pulled up his jeans. “Okay—it’s safe. You can put the hand down now, and please put the baseball bat down.”

Immediately, I hugged the baseball bat to my chest. “But I like it,” I said, stroking it and grinning at him.

Lip shook his head. “You hate sports.”

“While that is true,” I said, and Lip waited for me to continue, “I officially have no follow-up to that, but I like the substantiality I have in carrying it.”

Lip rolled his eyes. “Fair enough.”

I sighed, lowering the bat, which immediately caused him to relax. “Okay... So, why are you here then, Lip?”

“Liam was going to be alone because you and Ian had work,” Lip said simply. “Besides, he’s my brother, too. I wanted to help out.”

I sighed, looking him up and down. It was the first time we’d been in the same room on our own since the night I’d gone into labor, and it was very surreal to me. “Look, Lip... I hope you’ll forgive me for asking, but...”

“Yeah, Murphy, I’m sober—completely,” he replied, throwing up his hands.

I nodded. “How long?”

“One year, seven months, and one day,” Lip said, looking satisfied with himself.

Quickly, I did the math. “One year, seven months, one day... You’ve been sober since the day Iana was born?!” I demanded in shock.

Lip nodded. “Seriously, I have.”

I blinked. “Why?” I whispered.

Lip let out a soft chuckle. “Honestly? My attacking you was a wake up call,” he said, and I raised my eyebrows. “And after I left, and crashed at Fiona’s, once she got the full story from Ian, she pretty much chewed me out,” he replied.

I shook my head. “I’m shocked. I didn’t think that you’d...”

“Neither did I, to be honest,” he said quietly. “I’ve come into a deeper understanding about my life, Murph, more so than I have in a long time. I know now that, if it’s cool with you, we can move on from whatever this was,” he says, and I allow myself to smile at him. “In making my amends to you, Murphy, I promise to love and to support you as the brother I was always supposed to be. I deeply regret hanging onto something that was so wrong, and for constantly treating you like a girlfriend when I should’ve treated you like my sister. The night I attacked you was one of the worst nights of my life, and I hope that one day, you’ll be able to forgive me for it. I hope you can accept that and call me your brother, when you’re ready.”

“Lip, you are my brother already, and you will always be my brother,” I told him, reaching out and taking his hand, and I was relieved that there was nothing when we touched, and neither of us gasped as we used to. “I know you were in a dark place, but we all have those now and again—we’re Gallagher’s, and we wouldn’t be Gallagher’s without a small amount of imperfections in all of us.”

“So, you forgive me?” Lip asked.

I nodded. “I forgive you, Lip. We can move on from this, I know we can, and I know we’ll be better people for it.”

Lip smiled. “Thanks, Murph.”

I smiled back at him. “You’re welcome, Lip. Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas, Murphy,” he replied.

. . . 

Three nights later, on Christmas Eve, Ian and I had stayed up late wrapping presents, and it was getting close to midnight, so we knew we had to be in bed soon to get a couple of hours of sleep the following morning. I spent the other half of my time checking my phone, hoping against hope that Nicholas would be the one to text me. I could sense Ian’s eyes on me about the fifteenth time I checked my phone, and he made a noise of exasperation.

“What?” I asked, turning to look at him.

He shrugged. “Just call him.”

I stuffed my phone back into my pocket. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I replied in a calm manner, pulling closer a doll that Iana had asked for, and proceeded to wrap it. “I hardly have it in my mind to call anyone.”

“Cut the British schoolmarm crap _—_ ” Ian said impatiently.

“British schoolmarm?” I muttered under my breath, permitting myself to stare at him.

“ _—_ and call your boyfriend.”

I rolled my eyes. “Maybe I don’t want to...”

“Maybe I don’t care,” Ian replied. “Just call him. Give the poor man a break for twenty-four hours, Murph, and take some time off from hating him and enjoy yourself a little.”

“Ian, he _lied_ to me...”

Ian nodded. “I know, and I’ll fucking kick his ass the moment you tell me I can,” he said rapidly, ignoring the look of disapproval I gave him, “but I think you should consider mitigating circumstances because it’s the holidays. Call him.”

I sighed. “Fine,” I snapped, fishing my phone back out of my pocket and going into my call logs before finding Nicholas buried in there among calls from Ian, Fiona, and Allie, and pressed it quickly before I lost my nerve.

“Hello?” he asked, his voice full of confusion, on the third ring.

“Hey, Nicholas,” I said quietly.

“Hey, Murph. Merry Christmas Eve.”

“For another twenty minutes,” I joked.

Nicholas chuckled on the other end of the phone as Ian walked stealthily towards the kitchen to give us some privacy. “Look at that. I guess it is.”

“Listen,” I said quietly, “I just wanted to be upfront with you. I wasn’t calling you to discuss the case or anything...”

“Oh?” he asked. “What did you call for, Murphy?”

“Uh, well...” I said, and turned to look at Ian, who rolled his eyes, and gestured with his hands, clearly an invitation for Nicholas to come over. “I was wondering if maybe you’d want to come over tomorrow. You know, see Iana and the family...”

“Really?” he asked.

I nodded. “Yeah. Really.”

“Well, it would be nice to give you your gifts...”

I scoffed. “Nicholas please—you didn’t have to get me anything...”

“I needed to, Murphy. Really.”

“Oh,” I said, relieved that, despite my anger, I’d bought him something as well. “Well, that means a lot to me, Nicholas. Thank you.”

“I’ll be over around noon tomorrow, then. All right?”

“Yeah, th-that’s fine,” I stammered.

“Okay, Murphy. See you then.”

“You, too,” I said, hanging up before I lost control. “Feel better now?” I asked as Ian came back into the living room to help me wrap more gifts.

Ian smirked. “I think you will,” he said, and I rolled my eyes.

“You’re always such a fucking dick,” I muttered.

“That’s what they call me,” Ian replied.

The following day could only be described as magical, with Iana being dubbed the Princess of Christmas by everyone, and being showered and surrounded by gifts. She wandered around, figuring out quickly how to read her name on the packages, and picking out her presents very quickly. From a pair of fairy wings from Debbie and Franny, to the tutu Fiona had bought her, to the crown from Trevor, the slippers from Ian, the long gloves from Carl, the plastic jewelry that looked real from Lip, the gown from me, the tights from Liam, and the scepter from Nicholas, my daughter was officially outfitted appropriately as a ballerina princess.

“It was nice of you to be part of the theme,” I said quietly to Nicholas.

Nicholas smiled. “Hey, anything to see Iana happy.”

I looked over at her then, and smiled as she came wandering over to us, still dressed in her finery, and I bent automatically to pick her up.

“No!” Iana said, jutting out her chin and looking back at me with my eyes, before she turned and looked at Nicholas. “Nicky!” she said then, throwing up her arms, an impish grin on her face then, and Nicholas chuckled.

“Oh, all right,” he said indulgently, lifting her up into his lap. “Better?”

Iana grinned, leaning her head back into his chest. “Yeah,” she replied.

“Iana, don’t be taking advantage of Nicholas now...”

“Not, Mama!” Iana said, grinning at me.

I looked up at Nicholas. “Just tell me if you want me to take her...”

Nicholas shook his head. “I’m fine, really, Murph,” he assured me.

I watched Nicholas interacting with my daughter then, tickling her arms and making her laugh, but also speaking to her as well, and he really was listening to her answers. Something overcame my thoughts then, one thing that I’d never even begun to consider. The longer that Nicholas stayed in my life, the longer he would be seen as another father figure towards Iana. I didn’t know how Ian would feel about that, although I was near positive that he’d considered such a thing happening. I smiled then, allowing myself momentary happiness then as I saw Nicholas lean down to catch Iana’s every word—some story she liked to tell about a little girl who had a kitten, and I couldn’t help but think she was that little girl—and Nicholas listened attentively and I thought, for the first time, how good of a father Nicholas would make. Although his lie still hung between us, I couldn’t deny his doting on Iana, and, I wondered, if he and I didn’t work out, how crushed she would end up being, and while I certainly did not want that to happen, I did not want to risk my unhappiness either, and knew that, at some point in time, a happy medium had to be achieved.


	8. Light and Darkness

I tried to ignore the fact that I’d been up nearly all night getting my opening argument formatted correctly, and as I left the house with Iana and Liam in tow, I was dead on my feet. I made a mental note to stop off for some tea after dropping Liam off and getting to court, because I needed that pump in my step to be on my guard. Ever since Pamela Farris had attacked me in the courtroom, I’d felt as if I’d been walking on thin ice with every witness. I didn’t want to press anyone, because that would put me at risk for being attacked again, but I also really needed to do my job.

Trudging into the courtroom about an hour after I’d left my house, I handed over some coffee drink that I’d remembered Nicholas telling me he liked as I sat on the other side of him at our provided table, nursing my tea. I felt Nicholas’s eyes on me then as I alternated between sipping my hot beverage and organizing all my paperwork in front of me. I didn’t want to turn over and look at him, for we only had a few minutes before Judge Charles Newton was due to leave his chambers and call court to order. Finally, after a few moments had passed and Nicholas didn’t let up in his staring, I turned over and looked at him.

“What?” I asked.

Nicholas smirked. “Nothing,” he replied, obviously triumphant that he’d won in getting me to look over at him. “I just wanted to see your face.”

I rolled my eyes. “I know I look like a wreck this morning. I don’t need you telling me that,” I told him, my tone clipped as I turned back to my paperwork.

“Excited to see the building today?” he asked.

I nodded. “Mmm-hmm,” I replied, reading through my notes. “Of course I’m excited. Your mom says that my office was made into an exact replica. I don’t know how exact an exact replica is, but we’re going to find out later today...”

“I know that some things can be recreated,” Nicholas put in, reaching across the space between us and putting his hand on my knee.

Immediately, I felt my cheeks flame as I reached down and pushed his hand off. “Not in court, for god’s sake!” I hissed through my teeth. “We’re representing your parents here, Nicholas, and we don’t have any room for error.”

“I thought we’d reached the end of the tunnel during Christmas,” Nicholas whispered back to me, his voice riddled with confusion. “I thought that we were okay...”

“We’re fine, Nicholas,” I replied, “but right now I’m trying to figure out the fine line between inappropriate and appropriate language for opening arguments.”

Nicholas moved around in his chair, leaning his back against it so that it squeaked loudly, and caused the opposing side to mutter to themselves. “We still have a moment before Gwen arrives, you know...” He muttered, crossing his arms.

I rolled my eyes. “She’ll be here any minute,” I replied, automatically moving to the chair on the other end of the table.

“Where are you going?”

I set my paperwork down and turned to look at him. “You know as well as I do that Gwen needs to be in between us so that she can tell us if something is wrong.”

The courtroom doors opened behind us then, and Gwen made her speedy entrance, her black business heels clicking on the highly-polished, wooden floor. Her blonde hair, done up in her traditional pixie, had much more volume than it did when we were meeting for strategy back at the firm, and her white pinstriped, black pantsuit looked like a wonderful choice that morning as she stepped into the main area, and slipped into the chair beside us, flashing us apologetic looks from her deep blue eyes.

“Sorry I’m late, dears,” she said, sipping her coffee in a moment of nerves. “Grace and I just couldn’t agree on what Drew was going to wear this morning... It’s a living,” she said, turning her wedding ring on her finger. “Grace had to get to the surgery early this morning because a patient got moved up the donor list and so then I had to drive Drew to school...”

Nicholas nodded. “It’s fine,” he said, patting Gwen on the shoulder. “Judge Newton hasn’t come out yet, so we’re in plenty of time.”

Gwen turned and looked at Geoff, who gave her an over-the-top, unfriendly wave from across the courtroom, where he was surrounded by all his lawyers. “That son of a bitch,” she growled through her teeth. “Always has to one-up me, and now he’s here first... It’s been that way, ever since the day we were born...”

“I thought you were the twin who came out first,” I put in.

“I was,” Gwen said, turning back to face me and patting my hand. “You’re allowed to ask, because you’re a twin yourself, Murphy, but yes, I was born first...”

“So how did the competition begin?” I asked.

“I was a hidden twin,” Gwen replied, and my heart lurched then at the term. “You’re familiar with that, aren’t you?”

I nodded stiffly. “Yeah. Yeah, I’m aware of it.”

“Well, my parents had spent all this time preparing for Geoff’s arrival—and only Geoff’s arrival—so when I came on the scene, I was an unwanted guest.”

I scoffed then, crossing my arms. “You’re lucky they didn’t just give you away and leave you to rot in foster care for three months before somebody picked you,” I said, “then leaving you to the clutches of a family that didn’t want to be one in the first place...”

Gwen blinked. “Is that what happened to you?”

“Yeah,” I said. “My twin, Ian... He’s only my half-sibling.”

“So, your mother had an affair and got pregnant with you?”

I shook my head. “You would think that, but no. Ian was the product of an affair with our uncle, Clayton—or so we believe—and I was the product of Monica, my biological mother’s, marriage to my biological father, Frank.”

“So, they gave away the wrong twin?”

Turning, I saw that Geoff had wandered over to our side, and I felt the rage bubbling off my skin at his words. “Get. The. Fuck. Back. To. Your. Own. Table,” I growled at him, gripping the edge of my desk.

Geoff put his hands up. “No judgement here...”

Nicholas got to his feet then, his chair squeaking wildly along the floor, and got into Geoff’s face, gripping him by the collar of his expensive Armani suit. “You leave my co-counsel out of whatever sick game you think you’re playing, Eastman.”

Geoff immediately waved his hand at his circle of lawyers, who had gotten to their feet as soon as their precious client had been grabbed. “Leave it,” he called back to them, pulling himself out of Nicholas’s grip. “Let us leave the playground arguments for the playground,” he said, moving to turn back to his table. “Oh, and Gwennie?” he asked, turning back to his sister.

“Yeah?” Gwen asked, who had, meanwhile, put her arm around my shoulders, and was giving as mean a glare to Geoff as I was.

“Be sure to keep the Great Dane,” he said, nodding at Nicholas, “and the pitbull,” he went on, with a nod to me, “on their leashes next time,” he said, grinning at all three of us as his expensive ugly patent leather shoes brought him back to his own table.

. . .

Once court broke at noon, I swept all of my papers back into my bag, hardly keeping it together as I was in no mood for organization. I gripped onto my to-go tea holder, throwing it into the trash as I very nearly ran from the courtroom. I didn’t even listen to Gwen telling me not to heed Geoff’s words, or Nicholas’s words of support that everything was going to be okay. I got into my car before either of them could stop me and drove like a madwoman towards the firm. All I wanted to do was lock myself in my office for another couple of hours before I was at the time where I could go home for the day.

The drive was no longer than ten minutes and when I arrived, I was shocked at just how much the building resembled the old one. There were subtle differences in the materials—due to what was readily available then versus now—but I pushed the thought from my mind as I drove into the parking lot. I found my parking space without issue and parked my car, grabbing my things and walking over to the elevator, locking my car as I walked. I pressed the correct button and rode to the proper floor, and, when the elevator dinged open, I stepped through the lobby and into the assistants’ area, where I saw Rachel at her desk.

“Rachel!” I said, walking up to her.

Rachel immediately got to her feet and I threw my arms around her. “Hey, Murphy!” she said, obviously relieved to be back. “I’ve got your messages this morning,” she said, and handed them over to me. “How are you? How was court?”

I sighed, rolling my shoulders as I took the messages from her. “If today was any clear indication, Rachel, then we’re in for a whole boatload of trouble.”

Rachel raised her eyebrows. “That bad, huh?”

I bit my lip, skimming through my messages. “Looks that way,” I said, giving her a smile that was likely more of a grimace as I trekked down the hallway.

As I walked, I looked around the space and found my steps faltering over so slightly as I neared where Allie’s office was positioned. I felt my breath coming in gasps then as I saw the replicated vent where the pipe bomb had exploded, and fear came in waves down my spine. I ran my fingers along my neck, where the scar was, and felt it along my skin, shuddering at the notion of the pipe bomb bursting through the vent and getting to me...

_As we walked, I remembered that there was one more air vent down the hallway, and suddenly wondered if whatever was inside it would go off. As we walked, I heard a clanging from within as we stepped closer, and I knew we only had a few moments. “Down!” I screamed, and Allie dropped to her knees, pulling Hugo with her, but it was too late for me. I felt whatever was inside the vent shoot out as I turned my head away, and make contact with the right side of my neck, singeing my skin and hair instantly. “Fuck!” I yelled, doubling over at the pain, which seared through me, as I attempted to get to my feet._

_“Murphy!” Allie screamed._

_I shook my head, unwilling for whoever had planted these things to beat me completely. “Come on, Allie. We’ve got to get Hugo out of here while we still can...”_

_“But, Murph—”_

_“No, Allie,” I said, my voice firm. “Just across to the lobby, and down the stairs. We’re almost there,” I said, just as we entered the assistant’s area. “Come on.”_

I shook my head then, attempting to clear the thoughts from my mind as I rounded the corner and found my office. I tried the door and it turned, and, as I stepped inside, I flicked on the lights and felt relief at the familiarity of the space. I had brought a second bag from home, filled with the things I had managed to save from the fire, and took a few minutes, putting them back where they had been. I even had a few new photographs taken—mainly of the holidays, and I even now had a couple with Nicholas—that I organized around my desk.

I was shocked that my entire library—the books I’d managed not to save—was now intact on the shelves, and I saw a folded place card on one of them. Crossing over to it and setting the rest of my things down, I opened the card without hesitation. I quickly recognized Allie’s handwriting, and the message inside warmed my heart.

 _For the girl who saved our lives_ , _this is the least we could do_. _We had every book you had here on file_ , _in case of an emergency_. _We can only hope that this small token of appreciation means a lot to you_.

 _Sincerely_ ,

_Allie and Hugo_

I ran my hand over the words for a moment before I brought it to my desk, opening the top center drawer and placing it inside. I shut the drawer then, next picking up my bag from court, knowing that I had to organize it and quickly, or else I’d be at a loss to remember which paper went where. It only took me a few moments, and now I had to prepare my questioning for the witnesses from the Eastman’s company to be brought forward, which would start on Wednesday, giving our side an opportunity to prepare property.

Once I’d finished with the organizing, I found I let out a sigh then as I set my bag aside, and placed my head into my hands, my elbows resting upon the desk. I knew I couldn’t let the opposing side get to me, and I also knew that what Geoff said was completely untrue. I just had to think in that mindset, I resolved, ignoring the tears that came in the next moment. I shook my head, raising up my head then and trying and failing to get them to go away.

“Stop crying,” I whispered to myself. “Stop...crying...”

I shut my eyes then, hearing a combination of sounds in my ear then—Geoff’s harsh words that day in the courtroom, as well as the pipe bomb explosion. Over and over again they entered my thoughts, one after the other, and I saw no way of getting either of them to stop. It was when a sound of thunder filled my ears then did my eyes pop open, and I knew it was someone wanting access to my office.

Immediately, I got the tears out of my eyes and straightened up at my desk, wanting to appear professional at all costs. “Come in,” I replied.

The door opened and Nicholas stood there, and he managed to read my expression pretty well, for he shut the door immediately then. Cautiously, he came towards my desk, a look in his eyes which could only be described as sympathy. “Are you okay?” he asked me, and I got to my feet, wanting to be on an equal playing field.

I opened my mouth to speak, but no words came out.

“Murphy?” he asked. “Don’t let him get to you. It’s all going to be fine...”

I lowered my eyes, my mouth closing like a trap.

“Don’t just shut down like this,” he said, and I could sense the desperation in his tone. “You worry me when something happens. I don’t know what to expect...”

My eyes locked to his. _He didn_ ’ _t know what to expect_? _That was rich_ , _coming from a confirmed liar who_ ’ _d decided to keep information from me_ , _and got his own father to go along with the sordid plan_...

“I don’t want to risk losing you, Murphy,” he said, his tone gentle. “Please. If you would only just communicate to me, I think we could come to an understanding...”

 _An understanding_?! _What the hell was he on about this time_?!

“...an understanding to get back on the right foot, the same page,” Nicholas says, stumbling over his words, and I wonder then if it has been prepared before this. “Maybe... Maybe if something were to come to light...”

“Stop,” I say, speaking for the first time.

Nicholas blinks at my sudden ability to speak. “Murph?”

I shake my head then, the tremors happening through my body causing me to shake briefly before I somehow manage to hold myself together. “I can’t...”

“What is it, Murphy?”

I bite my lip, looking away from him. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Murphy, you know you can tell me anything...”

I let out a short laugh then, my vision clouding over with tears. _If only he knew what I knew_ , _then he wouldn_ ’ _t be saying that_...

“Murphy?” Nicholas asked, and, at the apparent sharpness of his tone, I turned to look at him fully then. “What’s wrong?”

I shook my head then, walking around my desk then and proceed to unbutton his shirt. I am slightly amused at the notion that he is taken aback, and find that I am looking up at him in devastation when he pushes my hands away. “What?” I whisper.

Nicholas turns around then, and I wonder if he is leaving me, but he merely locks the door before he comes back to standing opposite me. He then proceeds to pull at the black silk ribbon that I have tied within my white blouses’ collar, and yanks at the green, strapless dress that I have over it. Even though it was cold that day, I wore no stockings, finding that the coldness kept me on track for my work ethic.

Nicholas picks me up by my hips then, putting my on top of my desk as he fishes out a condom from his pocket. I wrap my legs around him in an automatic gesture, unbuckling his belt as fast as I dared before throwing it across the room. He found himself quickly, slipping on the condom before he eased into me, and I dragged him through the remaining space between us, slamming his mouth on mine, to prevent myself from crying out.

“Careful, Murphy,” Nicholas admonished, his mouth barely leaving mine.

I rolled my eyes, not wanting to be completely careful—this was a reckless game we were playing, with Nicholas withholding information from me, and me keeping secrets from him. _I know_ it’s _unhealthy_ , I thought then as I dragged him back to my mouth, tasting him, as I yanked him closer, deeper, inside me. And I was also aware of the harsh implications this could therefore bring in our future, if we ever did decide to take another step within our relationship, and perhaps betrayal, resentment, and dishonesty would weight out. As those words crossed my mind then, I pulled away from him, and Nicholas regarded me then.

“What?” he asked.

I shook my head then, gasping aloud as he moved just perfectly inside me. “Nothing,” I replied, pulling him back to my lips again.

. . .

The next few weeks of court weren’t much better, and they included no less than three barbs a day from Geoff. He was fully convinced that my adoption was a joke, due to me supposedly running here the moment I heard about it. I rolled my eyes at him, biting at the insides of my cheeks in an effort to keep myself quiet. The last thing I needed was to potentially lose Gwen as a client—and my reputation as an attorney. It wouldn’t look good if I attacked Geoff in the courtroom, and it certainly wouldn’t look good if he attacked me.

I got home from work one day in the third week of January, and was surprised to find that Liam had managed to negotiate the bus route on his own, and had enjoyed it. He claimed he would try to find a way to let me know in the future if he was going to take that method of transportation home, and I agreed to it, pending Ian’s approval. I went over to the fridge then to get Iana a bottle, and swore under my breath when I noticed that we were out. Shaking my head, I picked her up to feed her, and Iana looked shocked.

“Mama?” she asked.

“Snack time,” I replied.

Iana shook her head. “No,” she replied.

I raised my eyebrows. “You’re not hungry?”

She sighed. “I tell Rebecca ‘no’, too...”

“Wait. You don’t...?”

“No,” she said, her voice firm. “I don’t want it.”

I blinked, straightening my blouse again. “All right,” I said, relieved that there wasn’t going to be a tantrum or something pertaining to that. “Do you want some peaches, then?”

“Yeah, Mama,” Iana replied, grinning.

I got Iana the peach she asked for and worked on homework for a while with Liam, putting Iana upstairs for a nap before Ian returned home from work. I started dinner—grilled cheese and tomato soup because it was a cold day and I was too exhausted to come up with something even more creative than that—while Liam headed upstairs to take a shower before dinner. I felt relieved when Ian came in, giving me a hug and shrugging off his EMT jacket, moving to sit down at the table.

“Court any better today?”

“Fuck court,” I replied.

“Ooh,” he replied. “Really? That bad?”

I muttered something unintelligible as I continued frying up the sandwiches. “That Geoff Eastman is a son of a bitch...”

“Tell me why you didn’t have Nicholas take him out?”

I shrugged. “Because there was a judge on the other side of the door...”

“So, it has nothing to do with the fact that you’re still mad at him?”

I rolled my shoulders, mentally counting to ten in my head as I attempted to calm myself down, and managed to succeed—halfway, anyway. “Maybe...” I said, flipping the sandwiches onto a plate and continuing to stir the soup.

“So, you’re telling me that you’re completely over it?” he asked, and I stood there, my back to him, spatula still in hand, praying that I wouldn’t lash out at him. “You’re completely over all of it? Josh being an asshole in the elevator? Nicholas telling his dad to lie to you about Pamela Farris, or that he’s lying to you about being in love with you? Or, and this is my personal favorite, that he got his dad—his fucking dad!—to go to bat and lie with him, all for your supposed benefit?! What the fuck, Murph?” he asked.

I turned to look at Ian then, feeling that I was shaking. “You think I like living like this?” I whispered to him. “You think I enjoy the drama, like it’s a fucking drug to me? You think I would smoke it, snort it, or inject it—think again! We come from a whole family of addicts, Ian, and I’m just like one of you. I’m a fucking Gallagher, too,” I said, and thumped my fist to my chest like some primal being. “I don’t want to live like this, Ian, I don’t, but I’m starting to think I don’t have a choice...”

“We all have a choice, Murphy,” Ian replied, getting to his feet, crossing towards me, and placing his hand on my shoulders. “We all have a choice in this life. The problem is, we sometimes don’t know what all of our choices are, and we get scared of the outcomes that might or might not happen.”

I swallowed, looking away from him. “I just... I just don’t know what to do anymore,” I said quietly to him. “I’m in so deep as it is...”

“With your lie, on top of his lie?”

I nodded. “Yeah. How am I supposed to explain that I’ve known those two vital pieces of information since Halloween, and that I know his dad covered for him? I mean, it’s like I lost both Nicholas’s and Hugo’s trusts in the same night...”

“Does it really make you feel that way?”

I shrugged. “I don’t know. Shouldn’t it?”

Ian sighed. “Talked to Fiona.”

“Oh, yeah?” I asked, pulling away from him to face the stove again, picking up the ladle I’d been stirring with and returned it to the soup pot. “How’d that go?”

“Fine. Except for the part where you went to see her...”

I sighed. “She mention that?”

“Of course she did, Murph. We’re all so worried about you... Did you think it would just be swept under the rug or something? Because it wasn’t.”

I shut my eyes. “I don’t need this right now, Ian...”

“Murphy, you need to hear this,” he replied, waiting for me to set down the ladle before he turned me around. “You need to hear it from me, because I was too late to change anything, but you still have a shot.”

I pulled away, walking over to where we kept the plates, and proceeded to scatter them around the table. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Murphy, dammit, listen to me!” Ian screamed, grabbing me then and turning me around once again, so that we were staring at each other. “Fiona said that you can’t love Nicholas. Now what the hell is that about?!”

I shook my head at him, trying and failing to get out of his grip, ignoring the tears which were threatening to expel themselves from my eyes. “Let go...”

“No, answer the question!” Ian commanded, raising his voice. “Come the fuck on! I’m your fucking brother—”

“I won’t answer it!” I screamed then, and Ian immediately let me go then, his hands raised, looking down at me with shock.

“Murphy?” he asked, looking me over then. “Come on,” he said, his voice silent this time as he tried to pry me open. “Please...”

I shook my head, turning away from him then. “Fuck...” I whispered, my shoulders shaking as I began to sob all over again. “You’ve gone and done it now...”

“Done what?” Ian asked, stepping forward and placing his hands on my shoulders. “Murphy, please talk to me...”

I shook my head again. “No,” I whispered.

“Just give me one good reason—one good reason why you just can’t admit that you’re crazy about Nicholas...”

I wanted to pull away, but I also wanted the comfort. “I can’t tell you...” I whispered. “I can’t tell anyone this...”

“You can tell me...”

“No,” I said, taking a step forward, his arms falling down then. “I can’t.”

“Then tell me why you can’t, Murph,” Ian replied, and I could sense the desperation in his tone to get at the information, to help me, but my rational wasn’t cooperating. “I’m your twin, and your best friend. Why couldn’t you tell me this?”

“I just said why,” I whispered. “I can’t tell anyone. Not Fiona, not Nicholas... I can’t even tell you about it...”

“I need a reason, Murph,” Ian said quietly.

I sighed, my shoulders deflating then as I turned around then to face him, and Ian looked mortified at the tortured expression I gave. “Because,” I said quietly, my voice barely above a whisper, “if I told you, then it would become real.”

“Isn’t it real already then?” he asked.

I shook my head. “Just a thought,” I said, my arms crossed, so as to keep everyone at bay. “I don’t want this thought to be real...”

“Maybe if we talked about it, I could tell you for sure...”

I shook my head again, inadvertently cutting him off. “I told you already, Ian,” I said. “I can’t tell anyone this—not until I’m ready.”

“And when you’re ready?”

I sighed, feeling my entire body relaxing. “And when I’m ready, Nicholas should be the first to know,” I replied.


	9. The Sands of Time

I was having a meeting with Gwen one day—a solo meeting, as Nicholas was taking the day off—in the first handful of days of February. The weather had remained cold, and there was a bit within it that hadn’t been there before, but I found myself hoping that spring weather would start soon. Spring weather meant picnics and trips to the park, and now that Iana was getting older, I knew I would have to come up with some pretty decent tricks to amuse her during the spring and upcoming summer.

This meeting was quieter than a lot of the meetings, because Nicholas had, of late, been asking her questions rapid-fire that the opposing side could ask. I would mainly sit on the sidelines, playing the role of the opposing side, firing out objections or sustaining’s whenever it was deemed necessary to do so in the line of questioning. That day, it was just me calmly asking her them, and her polite reply.

“The opposing side won’t be nearly that polite, will they?”

I smirked. “No,” I replied, shaking my head, “most likely not. Parts of courtroom scenes in Hollywood films are realistic—the opposing side is not obligated to be nice to you. They have to keep it PG, unless the judge has a vendetta against your side. Then you’re up shit creek, which is when your case goes the unfortunate route...”

Gwen nodded. “What do you think of Judge Newton?” she asked, and I raised my eyes to hers for a moment. “Not that I would know—the law has never been my thing, just morals. My wife is a surgeon and I’m just a computer programmer—which is only my day job until we get this nonsense out of the way...”

I set my questions down, taking a handful of dried cranberries from my bag. I’d offered Gwen some when she’d come in, but she didn’t like eating between meals, and had politely declined the offer. “He seems like he’s on the straight and narrow,” I replied. “He’d more middle of the road politically, but hates it whenever it’s evident that one side is lying. Given the information that you’ve provided for us, I really think we’ve got a good shot at this, Gwen.”

Gwen nodded. “Could we not talk about the case?” she asked. “I understand that that’s what I pay you for, but...”

I smiled at her. “Hey, Gwen, I may be your lawyer, but as long as you pay me, we can talk about whatever you want,” I joked with her, setting aside the questions. “Besides, we’ve been drilling for over two hours now. I think it can be enough for the day. I think we’ll be prepared for court on Monday, don’t you worry.”

Gwen smiled. “Thank you, Murphy. Grace and I almost discuss nothing but the trial these days, and it’s beginning to ware on me...”

“You must talk about other things...”

“Well, we talk about Drew, of course... The donor we used for him just got a new shipment in at the sperm bank, and Grace and I have been talking seriously about having another baby...” She regards me then with a smile. “You want to know which one of us carried him, don’t you?” she asked, not accusing.

Immediately, I shuffled my papers in front of me. “I’m sorry, that was rude of me. I’ve got to work on the openness of my expressions...”

Gwen held up her hand as I slipped some of my papers into my bag. “You don’t have anything to apologize for, Murphy—curiosity is quite all right. After all, you work for me, and it’s bound to come out sooner or later.”

I blinked. “What is?”

“Grace is about fifteen years older than I am,” Gwen replied. “Grace is forty, and I’m only twenty-five.”

“Oh,” I said, feeling relieved that it wasn’t something sinister. “Age gaps shouldn’t matter. Well, they should,” I went on, amending my statement, “but I guess one as small as that shouldn’t matter very much. As long as you’re happy...”

“I think we are,” Gwen said quietly. “And Grace was the one who carried Drew. She was thirty-five when we made the decision to have a baby.”

“How long have you been together?” I asked.

“Seven years, although we met two years before that,” she replied, and I raised my eyebrows in surprise at that. “Grace’s father is high-ranking in the police force, so despite the fact that Grace became a surgeon, she’s well-versed in the law.”

“So, who was into who first?” I asked.

Gwen smiled. “We met at a function in Los Angeles,” she replied. “I was touring with Geoff promoting our brand while Grace was at the medical function. I went over because I had a headache and she sorted me out. Needless to say, I was attracted to her immediately, but once she figured out who I was—and that I was only sixteen—she put the brakes on the relationship immediately. It left me heartbroken.”

“Rightly so,” I replied, “on both ends.”

“Of course, I see that now,” Gwen replied with a laugh. “But, back then, I was a sixteen-year-old app creator and all I could think about was my first broken heart. Sometimes, when depression hits you, it sends you down a dark path.”

“Not you?” I guess.

She shook her head. “Not me. My work output increased twofold, and I was perfecting the creation and the system faster than lightning. All I could think was, _Get over it Gwen_ , and, pretty soon, I hit eighteen. I was at a club with some of my girlfriends—I was the only lesbian, but I’d been out for two years...”

“Did you come out before or after you met Grace?”

“Grace was the wakeup call I needed,” Gwen answered honestly. “I was so focused on my work that I never really thought about anyone, until I met Grace. And then she overtook my mind and I had to really buckle down to make our product work.”

“So, who reached out to who?” I wanted to know.

She laughed. “I went to her surgery one day after my eighteenth birthday; I even managed to book an appointment so that she would pretty much have to see me. I’d put a rush order on my new I.D., in case she asked to see it, and then when she came into the room, she looked like she had lost it for a moment. I showed her my I.D., and confessed that I was in love with her and wanted to be with her, and then she pretty much asked me to move in with her, and we did, and then we had Drew, and got married when we found out she was pregnant...” Gwen looked up at me then, and laughed again. “Sorry, I’m going on...”

I shook my head. “No, it’s all right.”

“What about you, Murphy?”

I shrugged. “What about me?”

“Well, I noticed that there looks like there’s something between you and Nicholas,” she said, and I immediately lowered my eyes. “I’m right, aren’t I?”

I sighed. “You’re not wrong...”

“I knew it!” she said, slapping the table, causing my eyes to lock with hers. “Sorry—I tend to do that whenever I get excited.”

I shrugged again. “Doesn’t bother me.”

“So, I know Nicholas joined the firm full-time shortly after you did—online bios on the firm’s website,” she explained, and I nodded. “But when did you two start dating? You’ve mentioned your little girl, Iana, a few times, but I know that Nicholas isn’t her father.”

I shook my head. “No. I got pregnant with Iana during a one-night-stand, about a month after I moved to the South Side.”

“Oh. I didn’t know she was unplanned.”

I laughed. “All of this was unplanned—except for working at the firm,” I replied. “That was always the plan, ever since Allie reached out to me and offered me the position.”

“When was that?”

“In my senior year of college,” I replied. “We had a Skype interview, because I was studying for midterms and I couldn’t leave.”

“You mentioned you were adopted.”

I nodded. “Yeah, when I was three months old.”

“So, you didn’t grow up here?”

“No,” I replied. “I was born here, but I was relocated to Seattle when I was three months old, and lived there until I graduated with my Master’s Degree when I was twenty-one.”

“So, you just found your birth family?”

“Within a few weeks,” I replied, not sure if I should get into all the details. “Nicholas and I had slept together a handful of times before I found out I was pregnant. And then, once I found out, we pretty much kept away from each other, on that level, at least, until after my daughter was born in May...”

“What happened?”

I sighed. “I was kind of seeing someone, and he was really seeing with someone—living with her, even—and I made my objective known, that I wanted to be physical with him again. He turned me down, but then, after he and his girlfriend broke up, we began messing around again on a regular basis...”

“And the guy you were seeing? Was it serious?”

“To him it was,” I said quietly. “He seemed to enjoy the fact that I was there to be on his arm on a regular basis. But he was more into it than I was. And then when he asked to be exclusive, it was a shock to me that Nicholas was devastated by it, but me and Nicholas continued to deny that there was anything between us until...”

“Until what?” Gwen asked, rapt.

“Until Josh—the guy I was seeing—asked me to marry him,” I replied. “I didn’t say anything, but Nicholas mistook the interaction, thinking I’d accepted. So, I just thought about it for a while before ultimately deciding against it.”

“Josh wasn’t so perfect after all?” Gwen guessed.

I shook my head. “No. No, he was not.”

“What’d he do?”

“Cheated on me with a co-worker, Chrissy,” I replied, and Gwen looked shocked. “Hey, I was sleeping with Nicholas, so I’d be a damned hypocrite for calling him out for being a liar. I threw the ring back into his face and broke his nose, and then Nicholas and I got together that same night. I came over here, and went into his office, and we talked, and I told him I didn’t want to just keep sleeping with him. I knew his stance on relationships and even though that was the case, I knew I had to tell him the truth...”

“Josh and Chrissy?” Gwen asked.

I nodded. “Yeah. Why?”

Gwen sat back in her chair, regarding me then. “They doctors?”

“Yeah, at Mercy Hospital.”

Gwen raised her eyebrows. “Wow.”

“What?”

“Grace works with them,” Gwen replied.

“Oh,” I said. “They friends or something?”

Gwen laughed aloud then. “Oh, fuck no!” she cried out, shaking her head. “No. Grace thinks they’re a bunch of nobodies. They’re fucking rude to her, and everyone else they work with, but Josh has his mother—and the hospital board—wrapped around his little finger. It’s as if so many people in our minds can do no wrong,” she said, almost wistfully.

“Yeah?” I ask her. “You speaking from experience?”

Gwen shrugged. “I don’t know if it’s relevant.”

I scoffed. “Gwen, I’m the lawyer here,” I replied. “I’ll decide if it’s relevant or not. If it pertains to the timeline of events in your case, then I’d say it is. Let me have it.”

She sighed. “Well, I’m not a hundred-percent sure if this is what it is, but Geoff only took me off the books _after_ I moved in with Grace.”

I raised my eyebrows. “Did he?”

She nodded. “Took me off the books and cleaned out my accounts. Sent me only a fraction of a salary, calling it severance pay, and said for me to never speak to him again.”

“Was it an email? Or a note?” I asked.

Gwen reached into her purse and pulled out a folded piece of paper. “I never go anywhere without it,” she said.

I took the piece of paper and unfolded it slowly.

 _You and that so_ - _called doctor of yours can just keep your nose out of the Eastman family and all the money I singlehandedly made from my products_. _Mom and Dad say you can only come home when you start to abide by a more conventional lifestyle_. — _G_

“Is it anything?” Gwen asked as I raised my eyes to hers. “Like I said, I don’t really follow anything but computer and media-driven events...”

I sighed, saddened that Gwen seemed to have no idea what this was. “Gwen,” I said, very slowly and very carefully, “this, right here, is evidence of a hate crime.”

. . . 

I went home with a clearer head that weekend, having emailed Nicholas about my discussion with Gwen, giving him all the necessary details for the future of the case. He’d gotten back to me pretty quickly, letting me know that I’d done a good thing in getting Gwen to open up about her personal life a bit, which had given us leverage against the opposing side. I acknowledged the compliment in that I merely replied I was doing my job, which is what any attorney should do when given a vital piece of information like that.

I was also pleased in the weeks since Iana had quit breastfeeding, she didn’t seem to want to go back to it. In fact, as my daughter neared her second birthday, she’d become even more independent, toddling around the house and eating her assortment of baby food products without any complaints. As she continued to grow and amaze me—as well as the rest of the family—all I could think about was the striking resemblance she bore to her biological father, and I could see the momentary moments of pain behind Ian’s eyes whenever he looked at her.

“Plans for the weekend?” Ian asked as I came downstairs on Saturday morning, Iana desperate to get out of my arms and run around.

I shrugged. “Not really.”

Ian smirked. “You do remember what day it is tomorrow, don’t you?” he asked, and I gave him a look of confusion as I set Iana upon her feet.

“Of course I know,” I fired back, taking out my phone and accessing my calendar, whereupon I raised my eyebrows. “Okay. No. I didn’t know.”

Ian laughed then, but when I raised my eyes to his, he quickly went silent. “Well, what are you going to do tomorrow, then?”

I shook my head, pocketing my phone. “No plans.”

“Really?” he asked as I scooped up Iana again, placing her in her highchair.

“Really,” I replied, grabbing a jar of baby oatmeal from the cabinet, and spooning it into a bowl for Iana. “I’m just going to warm this up and put some peaches on it for you,” I called to her, and Iana clapped her hands together.

“Trevor and I are getting together tonight,” Ian put in as I popped the bowl of oatmeal into the microwave and keyed in the time. “He’s working tomorrow so we can’t do it then.”

“On a Sunday?” I asked, making a grab for a peach and washing it beneath the tap before wrapping it in a paper towel and slicing it. “Really?”

“Yeah. Some new support group thing about how you supposedly don’t need a significant other in your life...”

I gave Ian an annoyed expression. “I’m guessing this group is geared towards teenagers who should be focused more on getting their diplomas than anything else.”

Ian grinned leaning up against the counter. “Maybe.”

“You’re awful,” I replied, shaking my head at him as I tried to keep myself from laughing. I reached into the microwave when it went off and grabbed the bowl, setting it onto the counter and spreading the small pieces of peaches throughout its surface. “Okay, baby,” I said, turning back to Iana, “breakfast time,” I say, retrieving a spoon before placing it upon her tray of her highchair. “It’s hot, so wait a little, okay?”

“I only ask because I’m free to babysit tomorrow night, if you need me to,” Ian said as Liam came down the stairs, bleary-eyed. “Hey, bud.”

“Hey, little man,” I said, walking towards him, and he mutely held me for a moment before trudging over to the table. “Hungry?”

He sighed. “Yeah.”

“What would you like?”

Liam lifted up his head. “I’ll do it,” he said, getting up again and trudging towards the freezer, getting out two frozen waffles, and popping them into the toaster. He stood in silence before grabbing a plate, knife, and fork, and I got out the butter and maple syrup for him. “Thank you, Murphy,” he said, his voice a monotone.

“Up late last night?” I asked, kissing his forehead.

He sighed. “Yeah.”

“Well, don’t do it often,” Ian said. “You need sleep.”

Liam nodded. “I know,” he said. He got out his waffles, buttering and slathering them with syrup before making his way over to the T.V., and switching it on.

“Come on,” Ian said, turning back to me. “Nicholas seriously hasn’t ask you out for tomorrow night yet? Really?”

I rolled my eyes. “Look, it’s not a big deal,” I replied, fishing a granola bar from the cabinet and biting into it. “Besides,” I continued, my mouth slightly full, causing Ian to look away from me in an impatient manner, “you know as well as I do that a recurring thing for massive blow-out dates like that is when they have to apologize for something.”

Ian sighed, continuing to lose patience with me. “You know as well as I do that Nicholas has plenty to apologize for, Murphy.”

“Yeah, but he doesn’t know that I know about it.”

“That doesn’t matter, Murph—none of it matters,” Ian replied, throwing up his hands as his exasperation took over. “He really hurt you—I don’t have to be your twin, or your brother, to know that much,” he said, and let out a grumble as I looked away from him. “Nicholas probably thinks he’s gotten away with it...”

“Or he’s waiting for a good time to tell me about it...”

“Murph, he needs to tell you.”

“I know that,” I replied, taking another bite of my granola bar, growing annoyed with just how organic it tasted. “I know he needs to tell me...” I sighed, leaning up against the counter, watching Iana eat her breakfast, blissfully unaware of the main topic of our conversation, just content with her oatmeal and peaches. “He almost told me...”

“What?” Ian asked, snapping to attention. “When?”

“A few weeks ago—after Geoff the A-S-S-H-O-L-E said something that first day in court,” I replied, my shoulders slacking.

“Why didn’t I know this?” he asked.

I turned and looked up at him. “Because I didn’t tell you.”

“Why not?” he wanted to know.

I sighed. “I’m telling you now. Isn’t that what counts here?”

Ian rolled his eyes. “Fine. Tell me.”

“He said that if we communicated a bit more...”

“That sounds like he’s pinning the entire thing on you, and you know it.”

“He mentioned things being out—everything—and I knew,” I said quietly. “I knew he wanted to tell me, but I couldn’t let him say it.”

Ian sighed. “This is officially getting ridiculous, Murphy. You won’t tell him that you know, and now you’re telling me that he could’ve told you three weeks ago, and you just couldn’t let him say it? Are you out of fucking your mind?!”

“Ian!” I cried, looking and seeing that Iana had finished her breakfast, and managed not to make a mess of herself of the highchair. I took the bowl away and put it into the sink, turning to see that Liam had finished his breakfast as well. “Liam, could you take Iana upstairs and play with her for a while?” I asked.

Liam nodded, seeming to have forgotten his sleep-deprivation. “Sure,” he replied, getting to his feet and putting his plate and silverware into the dishwasher, before taking Iana by the hand and leading her upstairs.

“You can’t speak that way in front of Iana,” I said firmly, turning around to look at Ian. “Look, I get that you’re fucking pissed at me—and, believe me, I’m just as pissed at myself as you are—but you need to seriously remember that Iana can talk now. She’s almost two, and she could even remember some of this someday.”

Ian sighed. “You’re right, I’m sorry. I am pissed at you, Murphy, but I shouldn’t have said that in front of Iana. I’m sorry.”

I gave a stiff nod, crossing my arms. “It’s okay.”

“So, why couldn’t you just get him to admit it?” he asked.

I shook my head. “I don’t know.”

Ian hesitated for a moment, mulling over his words before he allowed himself to speak to me again, almost as if he was reluctant to do so. “Look... I know we’ve had talks about it, and you’ve discussed it with Fiona, and I know that you’d prefer not to talk about it, but I really have to ask you, Murph...”

“What?” I asked.

“Is it because you love him?” Ian asked.

I scoffed, crumpling up the wrapper of my granola bar and shoving it into the trash can. “You’re right,” I said, shaking my head at him as I moved into the living room, “I would prefer not to talk about it.”

Ian followed me. “Murph...”

“No,” I said, my voice firm as I went to the corner where all of Iana’s toys were kept. “You know that I don’t want to talk about it, so stop fucking bringing it up.”

“Murphy!” Ian said, his voice firm.

I picked up a pile of Iana’s books, before turning around then, to see that he was standing directly behind me. “I said no!” I shouted at him. “I said I didn’t want to talk about it! Why in the hell can’t you leave it alone?!”

“Because it’s hurting you!” Ian cried out then, and I opened my mouth automatically to express my retort, but Ian held up his hand. “I can see that this—all of this—is hurting you, Murphy, and the sooner you and Nicholas are on the same page, I think it’ll be better.”

I hesitated for a moment, contemplating what to say, when suddenly my phone buzzed from inside my pocket. Mutely, I handed over the books to Ian and looked to see who it was, slightly surprised that Nicholas’s name was on the caller I.D. “Hello?” I asked, answering the phone, which caused Ian to swear under his breath, before slamming the books back onto the shelf and walk out the back door.

“Hey, Murph, it’s me,” Nicholas said on the other end.

“Hi!” I said, a little too enthusiastically. “What’s going on?”

“I was wondering if you were busy tomorrow night,” he said quietly. “It’s Valentine’s Day, and I thought, since we’re a couple now, we should do something.”

I nodded. “Uh-huh,” I replied. “Did you make reservations?”

“Two weeks ago,” Nicholas replied.

I nodded. “Yeah. Okay,” I said. “We can do something.”

He chuckled. “Don’t sound too happy about it,” he said.

“Oh, right—sorry!” I said, sounding really unlike myself. “Of course I’d like to do something with you tomorrow night, Nicholas!”

He laughed. “Good... And tonight?”

“Tonight, Ian has a date with Trevor, so I’m here with Iana watching Liam,” I replied.

“I see,” he said on the other end of the phone, as there was a knock at the door. “Well, I’ll just let you get back to it...”

“Not that I wouldn’t want to see you,” I said quickly, walking over to the door.

“It’s all good,” he replied. “I’ll see you at six tomorrow night. I’ll pick you up.”

I nodded. “Sounds great! See you then!” I said, cutting the call and walking the rest of the way towards the door, opening it up, and feeling my entire body run cold when I saw who stood on the porch. “What are you doing here?” I demanded.

“Miss me?” Josh asked, a wicked look in his eyes.


	10. Until The Sun Goes Down

I know that it would be unwise to show my fear; despite the fact that I’d already bested Josh once, he didn’t know it was coming. However, there were no cameras around to stop me, but I knew I had to attempt to play it cool unless he became completely unhinged. Standing there, I knew it was my turn to speak, but I found myself in momentary shock at the notion that Josh was standing less than a foot away from me.

“What are you doing here?” I asked.

“Come on, baby,” Josh replied, stepping closer to me, and tucking a stray bit of copper hair behind my air. “Don’t be that way.”

“ _Don_ ’ _t_ touch me!” I said, stepping away from him. “And I am not your baby. I never was your baby, and I will never be your baby.”

Josh smirked, stepping towards me then and yanking me, hard, by the arm. “You don’t get to talk to me that way, Murphy.”

Without hesitation, I backhanded him across the face. “Yeah, I do,” I said, rolling my eyes as he let me to go clutch at his cheek. “It’s you who doesn’t get to do what they want. Stop talking to me and touching me, Josh. I’m done.”

“Murphy—”

“No,” I said, raising my voice. “I told you almost a year ago that we were done, and you seemed to accept that, because you were fucking Chrissy. Now leave me alone!”

Josh reached out then before I could slam the door, grabbing me tightly by my arms and slamming me up against the frame. “You think you’re so tough—but you’re not!” he said through his teeth, and I got the smell of cheap beer filling my nostrils. “You’re nothing without me Murphy, nothing...”

“Get. The fuck. Off of me!” I said, chopping the words up, glaring up at him, as the feeling of pure revulsion flowed through me. “Get your hands off me. Now.”

Josh stared down at me then, his eyes unemotional. “I could do it,” he said, squeezing my arms tightly. “I could just snap your neck and be done with it...”

“You won’t,” I said, struggling against him. “Get off me!”

Josh laughed, throwing his head back, the cruelty escaping his lips. “I think I’ll take what’s rightfully mine first...”

“Nothing I have is yours,” I said through my teeth.

“Everything you have belongs to me!” Josh retorted, shoving my inside then, slamming the door behind the two of us. He tossed me to the ground, but before I had the opportunity to react, he was on top of me then, tearing at my clothes, trying to get them off me. “Hold still, Murphy!” he growled at me. “Quit fighting it—”

“No, I won’t!” I shouted, the rage filling me completely then as I attempted to kick out at him, knowing full well that if I did go full-throttle, then Liam and Iana could come running to see if I was okay, and I couldn’t have that. I needed to keep them safe, which is why, as Josh ripped my blouse apart and started on the zipper of my jeans, that I did what I did. With the last ounce of my strength, I managed to shove him off me as I dove for the living room then, making a grab for the baseball bat, wrapping my fingers around it as I turned around, swinging it, and clocking him right in the head.

Josh’s knees buckled then, blood coming out the back of his skull then as he fell to the ground without hesitation. He didn’t even take three steps towards me as I grabbed the bat, and I found myself staring down at him then. Dropping the bat, I turned him over, checking for a pulse, and was relieved when he had one.

The back door opened then, slamming behind whoever had come inside then, and I scrambled to my feet. Turning, I stepped back into the living room, seeing Ian as if for the first time, and he gave a shocked expression to how I must have looked. Lowering my eyes, I saw that Josh had truly ripped open my blouse, and its individual buttons littered the floor around us. My breasts were still in my bra, thankfully, but there were scratches—angry, red lines—up and down my stomach, and a couple of them had drawn blood. My head was throbbing a bit from the impact of Josh throwing me to the ground, and, as I held the front of my blouse together, Ian immediately stamped towards me, worry in his eyes.

“What the fuck—?!” he began, cutting himself off just as he saw Josh, and yanked me into his arms without hesitation. “What the fuck is he even doing here?!”

“I have no fucking idea,” I said, shaking as I held onto him, pulling my blouse together with my free hand. “I certainly didn’t invite him, and I never would.”

Ian shook his head. “No, no I know you wouldn’t...” He dragged his hand through his hair then, catching sight of the baseball bat. “You do that?”

I nodded, pulling back slightly then and hunching my shoulders. “Yeah. I managed to get him off me before he could...” I cleared my throat then, not wanting to get too emotional. “I just grabbed it without thinking...”

“Is he...?”

“No,” I said, shaking my head. “I checked for a pulse. He’s just knocked out.”

Ian stood there for a moment, looking down at Josh. “What do you want to do?”

I blinked. “What do you mean?”

“Do you want to call the police or something?”

I sighed, shaking my head. “No. I just want Josh to get the hell out of my life. Hopefully, he’ll get the message this time around...”

Ian nodded. “Okay,” he said, taking out his phone.

“What are you doing?” I asked. “You’re not calling the police, are you?!”

“No,” Ian replied, crossing over to me and putting a hand on my shoulder as he drew his phone to his ear. “Lip, it’s me. Hey, listen, I need you and Fiona to come over to the house. Because I asked you to,” he said, a trace of annoyance in his voice. “Look, it’s a family emergency, okay? I need you over here. Okay. Fine. Thanks,” he said, hanging up.

“What are you going to do?” I asked.

Ian sighed. “Lip and I are going to bring Josh back to his place. One of us will drive behind so that we have a way home.”

“And Fiona?”

“She’ll stay here with you,” Ian replied. “Someone needs to distract Liam and Iana while you get cleaned up.”

I nodded. “You’re right...”

“Hey,” Ian said, placing a hand on my shoulder. “Are you all right?”

I bit my lip, remembering the feeling of Josh’s hands grabbing at me, and shuddering at the thought of it. “I will be,” I replied, stepping closer and hugging him, and feeling immediate relief when he hugged me back. “I will be...eventually...”

. . .

Nicholas arrived at the appointed hour the following night, and I forced myself to get into something suitable to wear to dinner. Ian and I had agreed that we wouldn’t bring up the night before again, and so Nicholas didn’t think that there was anything wrong when he picked me up at six o’clock. I sat in the passenger seat as we drove, holding onto my silver clutch encrusted with rhinestones—a Christmas present from Debbie—and made small talk with him.

“Gwen and Grace took Drew to New York for the weekend,” Nicholas said as we drove onto the main street, near The Alibi Room.

“Oh. Really?” I asked.

Nicholas nodded. “Yeah. Apparently, they just wanted a little time off. They should be back late tonight, plenty of time for court tomorrow.”

 _Court tomorrow_ , I thought to myself. _A welcome distraction_. Although I could really do without the constant sparring from Geoff, the little asshole. “Please tell me that your number is up to question Geoff,” I said.

Nicholas chuckled. “Don’t worry—I already discussed it with Judge Newton. He thinks that Geoff has behaved abhorrently, but it’s unfortunately not enough to recuse himself. However, he thinks it would be more appropriate for me to do the questioning with him.”

“Oh, thank god,” I replied, leaning back against the seat. “I’d give anything not to be in the same room with him again, but not having to question him? That’s a start.”

“It’ll all be over in May, and then we never have to see that ghoul’s face ever again,” Nicholas replied in a reassuring manner, patting my leg, and I did my best to remain calm when he did so, and to not think of Josh. “But, this isn’t a time to be discussing work.”

“No,” I agreed, shaking my head. “Even though it’s a greeting card holiday, it’s nice to have someone to spend it with.”

“You’re right again,” Nicholas said, coming to a step at a traffic light and kissing me. “It’s always nice to have an evening with you, Murphy.”

I laughed then. “Let’s see where you’re bringing me to eat, and we’ll go from there.”

Nicholas laughed, pulling through the intersection as the light changed. “You’ll just have to wait and see,” he replied.

We soon pulled up to a corner restaurant, painted red brick—which was illuminated by the street lamp—and boasted a black awning with gold letters. Nicholas parked a little ways down the block and got out of his car, shutting his door and immediately circling around it as I opened my door on my own. He held out his hand to me, gently pulling me up and holding me to him for a moment as he shut my door, locking up his car before leading me into the restaurant.

Nicholas gave his name and soon we were whisked to a booth-and-table combination, and Nicholas considerately allowed me the booth side. He requested a coke for him and a cranberry juice for me, and as we sat there, I marveled in the red and gold color combination. Our drinks arrived in a flash as we began looking at our menus, which I lowered after our waiter had left us to debate on what we each wanted for dinner.

“How did you find this place?” I asked.

Nicholas smiled. “I lost a case while shadowing my father when I was still at Northwestern,” he replied, looking slightly saddened then. “He let me shadow him, and be his co-counsel, and I thought I had a piece of correct information. Once I gave it to him, he went with it, and that cost us our case.”

I lowered my eyes. “I’m sorry.”

“I’m not,” he said, and something in his tone made me look up at him again. “I’m not, because it taught me that not everything in my life could go the way I want it.”

I smiled. “That’s a good lesson,” I replied, “but that still doesn’t tell me how you ended up finding this place.”

He chuckled. “Well, I got into my car after the case and I was pretty bummed. It was raining that night, and I had to get back to my apartment near campus because I had a pretty important exam the next morning. I just found I was hungry, and I pulled off to the side of the road when I saw the sign of this place. I came inside, had one of the best meals I’d ever had, and I still come here whenever I can.”

“Every bring anyone else?” I asked.

“My family—Mom and Dad love it here, and Lucas did, and Charlotte,” he said. “But if you’re asking if I brought Jasmine here,” he said with a smile, “no, I didn’t. She didn’t like Italian food—too many carbs, she said.”

I smiled, raising my glass then. “I guess that makes me lucky,” I replied.

Nicholas nodded, and raised his glass. “I guess so,” he said. “To luck,” he said, and touched his glass to mine.

. . .

The rest of February passed quickly, as did the month of March, and, by April, Nicholas and I were busy scrambling through the many witnesses which were comprised of the company that Geoff and Gwen had founded together. Everyone had something to say; of course, the ones that we got for Gwen’s side had been fired, and that was a black mark in their background, but I was relieved when we were able to prove that they were fired because they supported Gwen, and not because they’d done anything wrong in their work. When the time came for Nicholas to question Geoff, I sat on the sidelines with Gwen, and I knew that she and I wouldn’t have switched spots with Nicholas for anything.

Nicholas stepped up to the plate, as it were, regarding Geoff with a cold stare. “How would you rate your childhood, Geoff?” he asked.

Geoff straightened up in his chair then. “I thought it was marvelous,” Geoff said with a slight toss of his floppy, blond hair. “I had an excellent childhood, and was given anything and everything I needed to succeed.”

“You had a private school education, correct?” Nicholas questioned.

Geoff nodded. “I did, yes—Gwen and I both reaped the rewards of having extremely wealthy parents.”

“Would you mind sharing with us what those rewards were?”

Geoff smiled. “Of course I wouldn’t mind,” he replied. “As you previously mentioned, we had a private school education—from preschool until twelfth grade. From there, we got into Northwestern University when we were fourteen-years-old, where we joined the computer science division after they caught wind of our fist app.”

“You said ‘our first app’,” Nicholas put in. “Does that mean that, at some point, you and Gwen worked together?”

“I never disputed that we did not work together,” Geoff replied, his voice taking on an air of disdain and impatience. “For the first few years, Gwen and I worked together, yes.”

Nicholas smiled tightly. “Right, of course,” he said. “Tell me—what other things did you manage to get out of an affluent lifestyle, Geoff?”

“Gwen and I both got cars when we were sixteen, and, before that, the family chauffer would drive us around,” he replied, waving it away as if it wasn’t a big deal. “We each had our own wing in the family home from the age of one onwards, when we were moved out of the nursery on schedule...”

“Did you have any hobbies growing up, Geoff? Other than the apps and the computer science and programming?” Nicholas wanted to know.

“No, we didn’t have time for it,” Geoff replied impatiently.

Nicholas sighed, realizing that he wasn’t getting anywhere and turned to look at me, and I nodded at him, knowing that it was time to bring out the big guns. “Your Honor, I’d like to introduce into evidence item number 10A,” he said, picking up the note which had been sealed in a plastic bag, “and item number 10B,” he said, producing a handwriting sample analysis we’d had performed on Geoff and bringing them up to the judge’s table, leaving Geoff’s attorneys to scramble for their own copies of everything.

“Go ahead, Mr. Blomqvist,” Judge Newton said with a wave of his hand.

“Geoff, can you tell me what this says?” he asks, providing the handwriting sample.

Geoff sighed, leaning forward. “The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog,” he replied, his impatience not leaving him.

“Very good,” he said, and pushed the note forward that Gwen had kept safe. “And what does this say, Geoff?”

Geoff visibly paled as he looked at the note before pulling back. “I...” He said, looking around the courtroom in a panic. “...I plead the Fifth Amendment.”

“Your Honor!” Nicholas said, turning to the judge.

Judge Newton looked exasperated. “The witness will answer,” he replied.

“Objection!” said one of Geoff’s attorney’s.

“Overruled,” the judge said, growing greatly annoyed. “I’ve already stipulated that Mr. Eastman will answer and he will,” he said, turning to Geoff. “Answer the question.”

Geoff sighed, looking down at the note again. “I can’t read it,” he said.

Nicholas chuckled. “Funny,” he said, “because we had both writing samples looked at by a top handwriting expert. And do you know what they found?”

Geoff shook his head. “No,” came his growled reply.

“They found that both of these samples were written by the same person,” Nicholas said rather triumphantly, crossing his arms. “So, I’ll ask you again, Geoff. Please read the second writing sample we have provided for you.”

Geoff sighed. “I can’t,” he repeated.

“Geoff, we have witnesses attesting that you wrote the first writing sample I showed you, which means, by process of elimination, you wrote the second one you refuse to read,” Nicholas said, throwing up his hands in annoyance. “Do you really expect me to believe that you can read one writing sample you wrote, and not another?”

Geoff glared at Nicholas, dragging the note forward and staring down at it for a moment before he compelled himself to read. “You and that so-called doctor of yours can just keep your nose out of the Eastman family and all the money I singlehandedly made from my products. Mom and Dad say you can only come home when you start to abide by a more conventional lifestyle,” he said, not making eye contact with anyone as he shoved the note back towards Nicholas.

“What did you mean by this note, Geoff?” Nicholas asked, taking back the pieces of evidence as Geoff’s eyes snapped to his.

“You want to know?”

Nicholas nodded. “That’s why I’m asking, yes.”

“All right, I’ll tell you,” Geoff said, obviously holding back a lot of anger. “My parents and I couldn’t accept Gwen’s lifestyle.”

“By ‘lifestyle’, do you mean her marriage to Dr. Grace Bonner and the birth of their son, Andrew Bonner-Eastman?” he asked.

Geoff glared at Nicholas. “Yes, that’s exactly what I mean. We refuse to accept it, because that’s unnatural and disgusting.”

“Your Honor!” Nicholas shouted. “Move to strike!”

“Your Honor!” yelled out one of Geoff’s attorneys. “My client is certainly entitled to his own opinion on the matter—”

“While he is entitled to his own opinion, I will not have your client insulting anyone in my courtroom who clearly doesn’t deserve it,” Judge Newton ruled. “The jury will disregard the last statement of Geoffrey Eastman.”

“Thank you, Your Honor,” Nicholas said. “I have no more questions for this witness today, Your Honor, but would like to continue on Monday.”

“Very well, Mr. Blomqvist,” Judge Newton replied, checking his watch. “It’s close to five, so we will reconvene on Monday at nine o’clock. We’re adjourned,” he said, slamming the gavel down onto his desk and getting to his feet, as there was a great amount of shuffling as everyone got to their feet out of respect.

“Thank you, Nicholas,” Gwen said, and seemed pleased when he hugged her. “You did so well with him—I don’t know how you do it. Any of you,” she said, turning around and hugging me as well. “Well, I should go and see if my wife and son are all right...”

“Go,” I said, squeezing her arm. “We’ll see you Monday morning.”

Gwen smiled. “Thank you,” she replied, motioning to the person she’d hired to protect her to walk her out.

“Glad she can afford that,” Nicholas muttered from the side of his mouth.

“Damn right,” I replied, looking over and seeing Geoff having an expression which resembled torment as his attorneys attempted to reassure him. “Let’s go. We’ll be caught in traffic all night if we don’t hurry.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Nicholas replied, moving to follow me.

Nicholas and I gathered our things quickly and exited the courtroom, making our way towards the main entrance. I didn’t see any reporters there that day as we stepped out into the sunshine and down the steps, going carefully so as we didn’t mow any latecomers down. We reached the bottom quickly, and moved to where we’d parked—as I’d carpooled with Nicholas that morning—but a voice from behind us caught us off-guard.

“Hey, Blomqvist!”

I turned around with Nicholas at the sound, seeing Geoff walking down the stairs, directly towards us, and raised my eyebrows when Nicholas moved automatically between us. I looked up at him for a moment, and noticed that his dark eyes were filled with malice as Geoff came closer, and I gripped onto my briefcase me tightly. My heart was pounding in my ears then, finding that I no longer knew what to expect when it came to this courthouse.

“What do you want, Geoff?” Nicholas asked.

Geoff laughed then—a psychotic laugh, one that came from someone who would benefit from being committed. “You’re asking me that now?”

“I work for Gwen, Geoff,” Nicholas replied, “we both do. We’re not here to give or get you what you want. That’s your own attorney’s job.”

“Jesus Christ,” Geoff whispered.

“Let’s go, Nicholas,” I said, putting my hand on his arm.

“Oh, sweetheart, you don’t have to go with him,” Geoff said, attempting to sidestep Nicholas with a grin on his face. “Why don’t you come with me?”

I evaded his grasping arm. “I don’t think so.”

Geoff laughed, probably unused to being told no in his entire life. “Come on, sweetheart. You can come home with me. We’ll have a great time.”

I shook my head. “Not interested. Not in a million years.”

“Aw, come on, baby girl,” he said, pouting at me. “You don’t turn down Geoff Eastman—it’s just not something you do.”

“I just did—this makes three times,” I said, crossing my arms. “Apparently, you don’t take no for an answer, but that’s not my problem.”

“Leave her alone,” Nicholas said. “Let’s go, Murphy,” he said, putting an arm around me and moving to lead me away from him.

“You’re not going anywhere!” Geoff said.

“Believe me, buddy, we are,” Nicholas replied, turning to look at him. “I know this is a weird thing to wrap your head around, but Murphy isn’t interested.”

Geoff shook his head in disbelief at the sudden turn of events. “Maybe you should spread your legs for someone else, Murphy,” he said, before swinging his fist back and slamming it into Nicholas’s face.

“Fuck,” Nicholas groaned, doubling over and cradling his face.

“Come on,” Geoff said, reaching out to me. “Let’s go.”

I smiled at Geoff then, stepping forward. “You’re a real strong man,” I said, lying through my teeth, but wanting him to let his guard down.

“Well, yeah,” Geoff said.

“Shut your eyes for a surprise!” I said, jumping up and down and clapping my hands like some kid at Vegas who’s won the jackpot.

Geoff acquiesced—what an asshole. “Ready!” he said.

Without hesitation, I slammed my forehead into his nose before turning around and flipping my hair over my shoulder. “And that’s the Gallagher way,” I muttered, looking down at Nicholas then and helping him up and hurrying with him down the block. “Give me your keys,” I said, getting a good look at his face. “No way are you driving with a shiner.”

“I’m fine, Murph—”

“No, you’re not!” I said back, shaking my head at him as I dug around his pockets. “You’re riding shotgun, mister—I’m putting my foot down.”

Nicholas grumbled when we arrived at his car, and I helped him into it, before circling around it and getting into the driver’s side. Pulling out of the space, I drove as quickly as I could to his condo, parking out in front. I then helped him from the car, feeling guilty as I watched him clutching his face. I unlocked the condo door and let us inside, placing our briefcases by the door before locking it and guiding him towards the kitchen.

“Sit down,” I said, putting him into a chair and walking over towards the freezer, pulling out a handful of ice and hissing through my teeth at how cold it was. I grabbed a baggy from the drawer and shoved the ice inside, grabbing a dish towel from the oven door handle and wrapping up the baggy. “Here,” I said, kneeling in front of Nicholas. “Move your hand, okay?” I said my tone gentle.

Nicholas sighed. “If you say so,” he said, moving his hand.

“That’s going to turn purple soon,” I said, lifting up my hand and gently placing the dishtowel wrapped in ice on its surface. “Come on,” I said as Nicholas reacted to it. “I know it hurts, but you don’t want to walk around with it. And, plus side, he got your eye, and it doesn’t look like it’s going to fall out...”

“Why is that a plus?”

I giggled then. “Because, for one thing, he didn’t break your nose, or any bones,” I reply. “And, on the flip side, we don’t have to see a doctor.”

“Really?”

“Really,” I replied. “This ice will help with the swelling, and it should clear up in a week or two, if that. Black eyes don’t require medical attention. You’re fine,” I assured him.

Josh hesitated for a moment, staring at me with his uninjured eye as he took me in then, and with all the concern I held for him in my heart, a new expression overtook him then. “Am I?” he asked me then, his voice barely above a whisper.

“Are you...? What?” I asked.

“Fine,” he replied. “Am I fine?”

I smiled up at him. “I said you’re fine, as in, you’re going to be fine.”

“But I’m fine—generally?” he wanted to know.

I rolled my eyes. “Compliment fisher,” I said, gently easing back the ice pack. “Oh, the swelling is responding to the ice,” I said, returning it to the surface that needed it most. “Nicholas, I think you know as well as I do that you’re more than fine.”

Nicholas smirked. “More than fine?”

I returned his smirk. “Well, of course,” I replied. “I jilted a doctor for you, Nicholas. That’s no small feat, especially because I knew about your past. Remember that.”

Nicholas laughed aloud then. “If I remember the circumstances correctly, Murphy, you jilted that doctor because he was cheating on you with another doctor, and he thought your relationship with Lip was disgusting. Oh, and the bastard called you a slut...”

I rolled my eyes. “Yeah, those were a handful of reasons...”

“The main reason being that you felt nothing for him,” he replied, looking very proud of himself that he’d been the one to say it. “You didn’t have feelings for Josh.”

I shook my head. “No. Those were the pregnancy hormones talking, unfortunately.”

“Unfortunately?” Nicholas asked. “Now you sound like you want it to work out with him. You think you made the wrong decision?”

“No,” I said quickly then, too quickly, causing Nicholas to grow suspicious. “No, I mean, that night I ended things with him...” I shuddered. “I guess he displayed his true colors that night and, I don’t know, I realized I wanted something else...”

Nicholas smirked again. “Something else, huh?”

I lowered my eyes. “No... Well, someone else,” I said quietly.

He reached out then, tilting my chin up. “I’m glad you did—realize that, I mean,” he said, his voice quiet, the smarmy attitude gone. “I think something shifted in me that night—as it had been doing since the day I met you. The notion of you actually marrying Josh drove me crazy, and when I saw you with that ring on your finger...”

I shook my head. “I couldn’t have married him,” I replied. “Nobody has made me feel the way that you make me feel, Nicholas. On every level, not just when we’re fucking. It’s out of this world, to say the least, and I guess I needed some of that in my life...”

“Some of what?”

I bit my lip, trying not to laugh. “Some wild and crazy shit,” I replied. “I didn’t get a good judge of sex until you and I started having it. I couldn’t explain it before, but I guess I have certain tastes in that area of my life, and you’re the only one capable of satisfying me completely. I don’t know why that is, but I guess that’s something we have to figure out together...”

Nicholas grinned. “I guess I could say it’s the same for me,” he replied. “Of course, when I met you, I never thought that I’d be bending you backwards or forwards on many surfaces of the firms offices, but I’m glad you took control that day, because I was at the point where I couldn’t restrain myself anymore.”

I raised my eyebrows. “What?”

Nicholas sighed. “I wanted you immediately—well, almost immediately,” he replied. “When I saw your work, I thought you were beautiful and brilliant, but I just didn’t know how I could get you, and, by keeping you at arms’ length, you thought I hated you. I was jealous of you, for sure, but I never hated you. I couldn’t hate you.”

“Then don’t,” I replied. “Don’t hate me, Nicholas.”

Nicholas hesitated for a moment before getting to his feet, yanking me up after him and began to paw at me then. It was far different than when Josh had done it—this, right here, was all I wanted, and would ever want. As he got my undressed, his hands shaking, I moved to do the same to him and we were throwing off the clothes around that kitchen, and as he slammed me up against the far wall, I found a gasp escaping my lungs then. He looked as if he’d broken me for a moment, but I dragged his mouth to mine, our hands working double time to get ourselves undressed as much as necessary to get what we wanted. And what we wanted was so simple, there was no cause to doubt it, and when it happened, it always seemed to be beautiful, in its own way, and in its own way, only Nicholas and I could understand it.

“What do you want?” he whispered, putting himself inside me, and my eyes automatically rolled back in my head at the feelings he evoked from me.

“More,” I whispered, dragging him deeper inside me. “Oh, fuck...” I whispered, gripping onto his shoulders tightly. “Harder...deeper...”

“Anything else?” he asked.

I managed to open my eyes then, and saw that his quickly locked to mine, causing my heart rate to double instantly. “You,” I whispered, my voice hoarse. “I want you.”

“You’ve already got me, Murphy,” he said, slamming into me over and over again.

“And... And you have me, Nicholas,” I replied, and, as his eyes locked to mine again, I wondered just how much longer I’d be able to deny it—all of it, from my feelings, to the fact that I knew he was keeping something from me. “You’ve got me, Nicholas...” I whispered, shutting my eyes then on another wave of pleasure, one that only he could give me.


	11. Instant Death

At some point during the night, Nicholas and I had made it upstairs to his bedroom, and spent the entire night in each other’s arms. I awoke at seven the next morning, to a flurry of text messages from Ian, wondering where I’d gone off to. Since there weren’t any panicked texts from Fiona, Lip, Debbie, Carl, or Liam, I figured that Ian hadn’t alerted the authorities yet—i.e., Fiona—or else I’d have more of an abundance. Rolling my eyes at my twin’s overprotectiveness, I texted him back, telling him it would be great if he would come and pick me up, as I’d spent the previous night at Nicholas’s.

Although annoyed, Ian agreed, and I followed my trail of clothes upstairs and down, getting dressed all over the condo. Finally, I found my shoes—which were by the back door, beside my briefcase—and opened and shut the door behind me. I crossed my fingers that Nicholas would wake up soon, as I had no means of locking up after myself. My worries fell away then as Ian pulled up in my car solo, so I guessed that Trevor had spent the night, or that Liam was looking after Iana on my behalf.

“Sorry, sorry,” I said, slipping into the passenger seat, securing my unruly hair with a hair tie I’d found in my purse. “Crazy day yesterday—girlfriend duty called.”

“It’s fine,” Ian replied as we drove along. “Like I always say, I don’t care if you’re not going to spend the night, Murphy, but just let me know. What if I was called into work? Iana could’ve been left home alone.”

I nodded. “You’re right,” I said, shaking my head. “Ugh, I’m sorry. Won’t happen again. I swear Ian. Really.”

He smirked, shaking his head. “Okay, lecture over. Meanwhile, what did you do last night that had you out of the house? Court couldn’t have run that late.”

I shook my head. “It didn’t. We were out before five.”

“Well, what did you do, then?” he asked.

I sighed. “Each other.”

“Nice,” Ian said. “I remember you mentioned that Nicholas’s neighbors were on vacation, and the other unit is vacant. You could’ve been as loud as you wanted.”

Immediately, my mind snapped back to last night and I remembered everything—including the part where Nicholas and I were so busy getting busy that we’d neglected to— “Oh, my god,” I whispered to myself, putting my head into my hands.

“What? Was it bad?” Ian asked.

“No,” I replied, shaking my head and not removing it from my hands. “We have to go to the drug store, like, now.”

“Why, Murphy? What’s wrong?”

I lifted my head out of my hands. “We did something really stupid, and I need to fix it before I forget or before it’s too late...”

“What could be so stupid?”

I sighed. “We need to go to a drug store, Ian...”

He blinked. “Why, Murphy? Are you hurt?”

“No,” I replied, shaking my head.

“Then, what’s wrong with—?”

I sighed, dragging my hands along my face in impatience. “Ian, you know as well as I do the last time I had unprotected sex, I got pregnant with Iana!” I cried out.

Ian raised his eyebrows. “Oh, Murph...”

I shook my head at him, considering it for a moment and feeling angry. “I don’t know if I even want another kid in this lifetime, Ian! Iana’s turning two in a month. I can’t handle a toddler and a newborn! Oh... What the fuck was I thinking?! Clearly, I wasn’t!” I shouted, slamming my head onto the dashboard.

“Murphy!” cried Ian.

I sighed. “Can we just go to the fucking drugstore?” I asked, rubbing my head. “The last thing I need is another baby...”

Ian sighed. “Okay,” he replied. “We’ll go. And Murphy?”

“What?” I asked.

“You need to be more careful,” he replied and, before he could say more, he caught sight of my annoyed expression, and cut himself off.

. . .

Nicholas’s black eye was gone within a week, due to the TLC I’d given him on the first day of its inception, and we were ready to face the music with the trial as the month of May dawned, and I found myself simultaneously attempting to figure out what I was going to plan for Iana’s second birthday party. We soon decided to have a small, family gathering the day of, and to save the party for the weekend, just two days later. Like they had the year before, Fiona and Debbie had helped me with the invitations, while Franny and Iana had yet another opportunity to bond as cousins should.

“How’s things with Nicholas?” Debbie asked as we worked on the cards.

I attempted to remember how to spell a rather complex last name with a family associated with Iana’s daycare, giving me time to answer the question. “Fine, I think.”

“Yeah?” Fiona asked. “He being honest with you?”

I sighed, looked up at Debbie, who looked surprised. “Fill her in,” I said to Fiona, who looked shocked at the task. “Hey, you brought it up.”

Fiona sighed, filling Debbie in on my relationship with Nicholas from Halloween until now, and Debbie looked shocked. “And, that’s the story,” Fiona said, once she’d finished.

Debbie shook her head. “Oh, my god,” she said, looking amazed. “I can’t believe he would keep all that from you!”

I nodded. “I know.”

“But you’re keeping back all your dealings with Josh,” Debbie put in, looking concerned. “And not to mention you holding back in telling him that you know everything he’s been keeping from you, Murph. I mean, when are you going to tell him?”

I shook my head at her. “I don’t know, Debs. So much time has passed since that conversation with his dad, and I’m worried he’ll be pissed when I tell him I’ve known this whole time.”

“Regardless of him not telling you—and he should’ve told you immediately,” Debbie said, all in a rush, “you should be honest with him, too. I mean, if you don’t tell him, you’re just as much of a liar as he is. It doesn’t matter if he did it first—you’re just as bad as he is if you’re keeping something from him, and don’t come clean.”

I sighed. “I know, Debs. It’s just complicated—fucking complicated, if you want to get right down to it. I mean, I don’t know where to go from here...” I said, feeling my shoulders slacking as I leaned back against the couch. “I guess, now that I know how he feels about me, I’m kind of struggling to come clean about me knowing because...”

“Because why, Murph?” Fiona asked.

I raised my eyes to hers. “Because I’m still not sure how I feel about him,” I replied. “I’ve been taking this time to think...”

“Long time,” Debbie muttered.

I turned towards her. “Yeah, Debs, I know it’s been a long time,” I replied. “I’m getting older every day, and I think that, somehow, I’ll wake up and automatically know what I’m going to do and say in every given situation...”

“I don’t think life works that way,” Fiona said quietly.

I smiled at my older sister. “I’m learning that, Fi—slowly, but I’m learning,” I said, a lighthearted chuckle escaping my lips. “I guess I’m just hoping that it’ll get easier. It hasn’t, but that’s all part of the life experience, isn’t it?”

“It should be,” Debbie put in.

“Yeah, it should be,” I tell them. “I guess I’m still unsure about my feelings for Nicholas on some level because a part of me realizes I can’t trust him. I know full well that trust is an important component in a relationship, and he sure as hell can’t trust me, due to everything I’ve kept from him over the last almost year...”

“You once said that, without trust, there’s no relationship,” Fiona said, her voice soft as she remembered what I said.

I smiled at my older sister. “You’re right. I did say that.”

“Well, does that mean you even have a relationship with Nicholas?” Debbie wanted to know. “I mean, if you can’t trust each other, he’s in love with you but won’t admit it, and you don’t even know how you feel...”

“Which is where the complexities begin,” I said, my voice filled with regret. “I don’t even have all the answers here.”

“Clearly, you want all the answers,” Debbie said.

I nodded. “Of course I do, Debs. But, if I had all the answers, it wouldn’t make sense for me to get out of bed in the morning. And I’ve done that,” I said, biting my lip as I remembered how dark it had become. “I’ve done that.”

“But we were here for you,” came Fiona’s voice then, her hand becoming an anchor as she pulled me from the blackness, holding me in the light. “We were here for you then, and we’re here for you now. And we’re not going anywhere.”

“We wouldn’t desert a Gallagher,” Debbie said quietly.

I smiled at both of them. “I just wish all of this was made clearer to me, I guess,” I told them. “I know it’s all part of the life experience...”

“That’s right,” Fiona replied. “It is.”

“Just wish I knew when it would get easier,” I say, laughing again.

. . . 

My beautiful daughter celebrated her second birthday in an intimate family gathering on the night in question. Nicholas and I picked her up together from daycare that day, and brought her to her favorite toy store, and then to a little bakery for a cupcake. When we arrived back at the house, Liam was due back from school soon, so we arranged for Nicholas to be downstairs to greet him while I brought Iana upstairs.

“Where are we going, Mama?” she asked.

“Well, my sweet, the family is coming over tonight,” I reminded her. “You need to be looking like your very best self.”

Iana squealed at the mention of dressing up as we went into our shared bedroom, and I shut the door behind us. She sat like a perfect little doll upon my bed as I got out the floral-pattered cotton dress for her, the really fancy dress that she would be wearing that weekend still well-hidden at the back of my closet. Iana sat still for me as I took her out of her overalls from daycare that morning, and dressed her in her new dress.

“Who’s coming, Mama?” she asked.

“Your friends are coming on Saturday,” I explained, “for your big party. Tonight, Uncle Ian is coming, and Uncle Lip, and Uncle Carl, and Uncle Liam, of course. And then Aunt Fiona and Aunt Debbie and Cousin Franny...”

“Trev-Trev?” she asked, never having dropped the affectionate nickname.

“Yeah, Trev-Trev will be here,” I said with a smile.

“And Nicky is staying?” she wanted to know.

“Yeah, he’s staying,” I assured her.

I put her in matching white shoes, and brushed her hair, putting in a white headband with a massive flower upon it, before I decided she was ready. I took her by the hand then, leading her downstairs, relieved when I heard the front door opening again, for Liam had come in while we were upstairs. I laughed indulgently then as Iana broke away from me, dashing to the front door, and letting out a squeal when she saw Lip.

“Lippy!” she cried. “Lippy!”

“Hey, little princess,” Lip said, bending down and picking her up, and I immediately dashed forward, taking the small wrapped gift he’d brought her, kissing Lip on the cheek before I brought it into the kitchen. “How was your day, sweetie?”

“Fine!” Iana said, pleased at the undivided attention from her uncle.

“Are you having a happy time?”

“Happy!” Iana chanted. “Happy that Lippy is here!”

Lip laughed aloud then, carrying Iana through to the living room and sitting beside Liam on the couch, turning automatically to Nicholas. “How’s it going man?”

“Great,” Nicholas said, leaning forward and clasping Lip’s hand for a moment in a handshake they’d dubbed a ‘bro handshake’. “How’s the diner treating you?”

“Busting my A-S-S,” Lip said, and Nicholas nodded in understanding.

“I’m sure,” Nicholas replied, leaning back so that I could sit in his lap, and he immediately put his arms around my waist. “I did a stint in a kitchen setting...”

“Really?” I asked, speaking for the first time as I turned around to face him. “You never told me that...”

“When was this?” Lip asked.

“At Northwestern, I worked in the kitchen sometimes for some extra cash,” he replied. “It was actually a lot of fun because the lunch ladies were nice to me.”

“Nicholas, they probably thought you were cute,” I said, rolling my eyes. “I can’t believe for fell for the nice lunch lady act.”

“It’s true,” Lip said. “Sometimes, I can’t keep the employees off me. It’s good that Fiona’s the owner, though—female empowerment and all. Besides, she keeps them in line pretty good,” he said, smirking to himself.

I shook my head at him. “You’re insane,” I said.

Lip shrugged. “I guess, sometimes, I can be,” he said with a laugh. “But hey, I’m a Gallagher. I guess it’s how we’re wired.”

Fiona, Debbie and Franny, and Carl showed up within the next hour, and then Ian and Trevor brought up the rear sometime later with the takeout. Soon, the house smelled of heavenly Chinese food, and, although I was reluctant to allow her to have a lot, due to the high salt content within it, my daughter loved it. Ian and Nicholas reminded me more than a few times that it was Iana’s birthday, and we were meant to be celebrating, and I agreed with them. However, my mom mode wouldn’t turn off even if I tried, and I kept my eye on her for the rest of the night, not knowing what to expect.

Once the night had finally wound itself down, Nicholas and I brought Iana upstairs together, and I allowed him to carry my sleeping daughter. He set her down on the bed for me, considerately turning away as I checked her and, finding nothing, simply put her into her pajamas before I placed her into her crib. I leaned down and kissed her forehead, and was shocked when Nicholas bent down and did the same. I took him by the hand then, leading him out of the room and into the hallway, shutting the door behind us.

“You’re really great with her,” I said, smiling at him.

Nicholas smiled back. “I’m glad you think so.”

I kept my hand in his as we walked downstairs together and outside; it was a warm night, and the sun was just beginning to set around us, leaving a beautiful glow in the immediate atmosphere and sending an altogether calm through me. “Thanks for today,” I said.

He nodded. “Sure... You seem happy.”

I kept smiling at him. “I am happy. I can finally say that out loud—I’m happy. I never thought I’d be completely happy in my life, Nicholas, but I’m happy, in this moment.”

“Because you got to escape the clutches of motherhood for a moment?” he joked.

I reached out then, gently punching Nicholas in the arm. “You know that’s not the reason, you bastard,” I joked, and Nicholas laughed aloud. “No, it’s just... This day. And this life that I inexplicably got, after the upbringing I had.” I shrugged. “I don’t know. I guess I’m finally sensing there was something at work here. I had to go through all that hell to get to where I am today, and I guess it was worth it.”

Nicholas smiled, closing the distance and kissing me. “I wouldn’t want to wake the birthday girl tonight, and I don’t think I’d be able to keep my hands off you...”

I shook my head at him, biting my lip to keep from laughing completely. “Go home,” I said, gently shoving him towards the stairs of the porch. “Go home and get some rest. You and I can sneak off at some point during the party.”

“Like last year?” he joked, kissing me one last time before going down the steps. “That was a great day, Murph—a real turning point.”

I nodded. “Yeah,” I said, hesitating at the top of the stairs. “A real turning point...”

Nicholas hesitated for a moment beside the gate. “Hey. You okay?”

Immediately, I found myself refocusing as I nodded at him. “Oh, yeah. Just feeling a bit reflective, and it was a really long day...”

Nicholas nodded. “Okay, I’m going now,” he said, blowing me a kiss when he opened the gate and stepped towards his car. “I’ll see you in court tomorrow morning.”

I let out a theatrical groan, which made him laugh. “Can’t wait,” I replied.

. . .

Court on Thursday and Friday was not so painful, and, quite soon, it was Saturday morning and Ian and I were running around the house to make it presentable for the party that afternoon. It had been considerate of Fiona to take Iana for the morning, bringing her into the diner and having people admire her. Fiona would tell anyone who would listen that the gorgeous baby on her hip was her niece, and that she had just turned two, causing an uproar in the restaurant at how gorgeous the Gallagher family was.

“You did not,” I said, laughing when Fiona told me later.

“Oh, I did,” she replied. “I ended up introducing her as my niece automatically, because everyone assumed she was...”

“Your daughter?” I asked.

She nodded. “Yeah.”

“Hey, we’ve got really similar eyes—I get it,” I said, smiling at her. “But I’m glad you set the record straight, selfishly.”

Fiona grinned. “Of course I did. She’s your daughter, Murph.”

The rest of Iana’s little friends from daycare showed up that afternoon, as well as members of my immediate family, and Trevor and Nicholas, as well. Rebecca even showed up, giving special attention to Iana, who adored that. I walked out the back door at one point of the party to get some more ice for the non-alcoholic punch bowl, when I saw a familiar face lurking around behind the shrugs. My hackles rising up then as I walked down the stairs, I stamped over to the bushes then and pushed them down.

“What the fuck do you want, Frank?!” I demanded.

Frank sighed. “I heard there was a Gallagher birthday party going on, and I was curious to know who was celebrating...”

I crossed my arms. “Since when do you care?”

“I happen to be a Gallagher, Murphy. You know that.”

I rolled my eyes. “Whatever, Frank.”

“Just tell me,” he said, and there was something in his voice which made me stop. “Just tell your dear old dad if it’s my granddaughter.”

I raised my eyebrows. “Which one?”

“Yours—your daughter,” he said.

“Iana,” I said through my teeth, and Frank looked surprised at my name choice. “Her name is Iana Phillipa Gallagher, after your two older sons. I told you this...I must’ve...”

Frank shrugged. “Maybe you did. I don’t have the best memory...”

“No shit,” I muttered.

“When can I meet her?” he asked.

I shook my head. “I don’t think that’s a good idea, Frank...”

“Murph?” called a voice, and I turned around then, seeing Ian in the doorway, holding onto Iana with a look of confusion. “What do you want, Frank?” he demanded immediately.

“Is that her?” Frank asked, moving around the bush to get a better look. “Is that Iana? Is that my other granddaughter?”

I looked over at Ian, who gave me a look, which said it was my call. “Ian, come over here,” I said, regret peppering my tone as Ian moved forward. “Come here, sweetie,” I said, taking Iana into my arms and turning towards Frank. “Iana, this is Frank.”

“Or Grandpa,” Frank said.

I glared at him, feeling that Ian was glaring next to me. “Or _Frank_ ,” I said firmly. “Iana, this is Frank... He’s my father,” I said.

“Frankie!” Iana shouted with joy, and I immediately looked at Frank, who looked entirely amused with the nickname. “Nice to meet you!”

“She actually talks?” he asked.

“Jesus, Frank—of course she talks!” Ian shouted. “She’s intelligent, just like Lip, Murphy, and Debbie are intelligent.”

Frank looked at me then. “You’re in the smart bunch?”

“Frank, I’m an attorney,” I said, giving him an exasperated expression. “I had to be smart. I graduated high school at fifteen, and got a Master’s Degree in Criminal Justice, and a minor in psychology, when I was twenty-one. I’d say you have to be a pretty smart person to get all of that and remain alive.”

“Well,” Frank said, his eyes drifting back down to Iana, “she’s beautiful. Too bad she hardly looks like a Gallagher,” he said, and I felt myself urging my mind and body to remain calm, lest I squeeze Iana too tightly in my protective mode. “Looks a lot like her father... What was his name again? Mickey something?”

I turned and looked at Ian, whose eyes were attempting to mask the pain he felt. “Ian, Ian,” I said, reaching out and placing my hand on his arm, “why don’t you take Iana inside now?” I asked him, apology in my tone and in my face, as Ian moved to do my bidding. “I’ll be back in a moment, sweetheart,” I said, kissing her forehead before I handed her over to Ian, and watched them go inside. Immediately, I whirled around and faced Frank, grabbing him unceremoniously by his shirt collar, glaring at him. “Why the fuck did you have to come here and fuck everything up by just...being you?!” I yelled.

Frank chuckled. “Like I told you, Murphy, you can say whatever you want, but I’m the only father you’ve got, and will ever have.”

“I don’t need a father,” I said, letting him go abruptly and pushing him away. “And I especially don’t need you...”

“Monica would sometimes go into rages like this,” Frank said.

“What?” I demanded, impatient.

“Yeah,” he replied, pulling at his collar to make sure I hadn’t ripped it. “Usually when it was her time of the month or when she was pregnant.”

I rolled my eyes. “You’re not a doctor—you’re just an asshole,” I replied as I heard the door open again, and Nicholas stood there. “Hey,” I said to him, exhaling then, feeling relieved that I was no longer alone with Frank.

“Ian said that we had an unexpected guest,” Nicholas said, pulling the door shut behind him and walking down the stairs. “Who do we have here?”

“Frank Gallagher, Murphy’s father—and all the rest of them,” Frank replied, putting out his hand a little too enthusiastically for my liking as he pumped Nicholas’s hand. “And you are?”

“Nicholas Blomqvist, Murphy’s boyfriend,” he said, putting his free arm around my shoulder. “I won’t have you upsetting her.”

“Oh, the other lawyer,” he said, sounding like it didn’t matter much to him. “Nice to finally meet you, I guess.”

“Frank, it’s time for you to leave,” Nicholas said, narrowing his eyes at Frank. “I think you’ve done enough for one day.”

“Never enough,” Frank replied with a chuckle, turning to look at me. “You look sick, Murphy. I think you should go inside before something happens.”

I didn’t initially feel sick, but the moment the words left his mouth, I dove out from under Nicholas’s arm and bolted inside. Ignoring the guests of the party, I did a quick headcount before I pulled open the door of the bathroom and slammed the door, locking it behind me. And then I was on my knees in front of the porcelain bowl, doubled over as I vomited everything I’d eaten that day, and possibly something from last night. The pounding on the door was the only thing that stopped it, and I slowly got to my feet, flushing the toilet.

“I’ll be right out!” I called, stumbling over to the sink and washing my mouth out, getting my spare toothbrush from the holder and brushing my teeth. Sighing, I dragged my hands underneath the water and washed them, before I shut off the light and opened the door. “Sorry about him—he makes me sick,” I said, shrugging it off as I walked past Nicholas.

“So, that’s your dad?” he asked as I walked into the kitchen.

I nodded, getting myself a bottle of water from the cooler on the floor. “Yeah,” I replied. “Well, I guess it had to happen sometime. We’ve been together almost a year now, and I’ve met your entire family, pretty much...”

Nicholas nodded. “Yeah. Had to happen sometime.” He hesitated for a moment as I sipped my water, and then he just spoke. “Listen, I’m just going to come right out and say it...”

I blinked. “Say what?”

He sighed. “I’ve been thinking a lot about it, and I think it’s time that we shake some things up a bit. I have something for you to consider.”

I blinked, looking around, and seeing that everyone was in a conversation, Debbie’s playlist pumping in the background, so nobody was really caring about our conversation. “Um, okay,” I said, plastering a smile onto my face. “What do you want to consider?”

 _Oh dear god_ , I thought to myself. _I swear to god_ , _if he does something totally crazy like asking me to fucking marry him at my daughter_ ’ _s birthday party_ , _then I swear to god I_ ’ _ll run away or do something equally drastic_ —

“I’ve thought a lot about this,” he said.

“Mmm-hmm,” I said quickly, letting him know I was listening.

“And I think that, now that Iana’s old enough to understand the dynamic of our relationship, and because we’re at such a good place...”

 _Which we_ ’ _re not_ , _because there are so many unsaid things between us_...

“...that I think this would be a good time to discuss you and I possibly moving in together,” he said, obviously worried about my reaction.

I raised my eyebrows. “Move in together?” I asked.

Nicholas nodded. “Yeah. You, me, and Iana. So, what do you say?” he asked me.

I found myself just standing there, staring at him, before I turned towards the crowd of people, my eyes automatically finding Ian’s. The panic that registered in my eyes quickly mirrored his, and I knew that he and I would need a conversation moment, and soon. Quickly, I turned back to Nicholas and just smiled at him, hoping for another subject to be brought up, but, as always, my wish failed to come true.

“So?” Nicholas asked. “What do you think?”

TO BE CONTINUED


	12. Some Kind of Curse

The following Friday was proving to be the most draining court day yet. The entire week as a whole had been draining, what with Frank’s suspicions about another pregnancy, plus Nicholas asking if we could move in together, it had just gone on and on. I was able to get to Ian before the party ended, and just managed to pull him aside. I couldn’t speak for a moment, not wanting to come right out and say it, but also knowing that I had to talk to someone about what Nicholas had just said.

“What is it?” he asked, concerned. “What happened? He didn’t do anything stupid, did he?” Ian asked, peppering me with questions.

I sighed. “Wouldn’t know. I left him alone with Frank.”

Ian raised his eyebrows. “Good. Maybe his past came back and he was able to take Frank down a peg—or three.”

I rolled my eyes. “Ian, this is serious.”

Ian nodded. “Sorry. What did he say?”

“Ian, Nicholas asked me to move in with him,” I replied.

He sighed. “Okay. And what did you say?”

“Nothing—I excused myself!” I said, looking at him as if he was insane that I would even consider doing such a thing. “I can’t move in with him now, you know that. There are so many things left unsaid...”

“Really? You didn’t say anything?”

I sighed. “No, I said something—one thing, I guess,” I said quietly. “I said we should discuss it at a later time, because it’s not a good time right now.”

“Do you have anything further to say, Mr. Blomqvist?” Judge Newton said, disrupting my reverie. “Or you, Miss Gallagher?”

Nicholas got to his feet. “No, Your Honor.”

I followed suit. “No, Your Honor.”

Judge Newton nodded. “Very well. Ms. Eastman? Do you want to say anything?”

Gwen shook her head. “I’ve said everything I’ve wanted to say, Your Honor.”

“Yes, Ms. Eastman,” Judge Newton said. “So, I’ll allow the jury to take as long as they need to deliberate on this case—”

“Wait. Your Honor?” Geoff said, and held up his hand.

Gwen immediately grabbed my arm. “What is he doing?!” she whispered, her face, and voice, full of fear.

I shrugged. “No idea,” I replied.

“Is something the matter, Mr. Eastman?” Judge Newton asked, quick to grow annoyed with Geoff, given the last four months.

Geoff sighed, getting to his feet. “I have something to say.”

Judge Newton sighed. “Very well, Mr. Eastman. Say your piece.”

Geoff got out of his circle of lawyers and stood in the middle of the courtroom, but turned to our table, and I was shocked that it appeared that he wanted to speak to Gwen. “Gwen, I am so sorry,” he said. “For years, Mom and Dad tried to get their ideals engrained into their minds. I know that everyone knows that they failed with you, but they succeeded with me, most unfortunately, because their way of thinking is so backward and behind the times. I was so determined to appear like their golden boy and to succeed in everything that I lost sight of what was the most important thing—the love, support, and respect of my twin sister. Gwen, you created fifty-percent, if not more, of our revenue, and you deserve the respect and credit of your achievements. I humbly ask for your forgiveness, and for you to return as co-CEO of Geoff and Gwen Gizmos.”

Gwen blinked, getting to her feet. “On the condition that I drop the lawsuit?”

Geoff sighed. “Yes,” he replied. “However, once you come back and get the credit—and your old position—back, which should have always been yours in the first place, it will become obsolete.” Quickly, Geoff snapped his fingers, and one of his lawyers produced a piece of paper, and Geoff held it out to her. “This is the contract.”

Nicholas intercepted it, and he and I looked over it, and were shocked that Geoff was actually being upfront with Gwen. We encouraged her to take the deal, as we lawyers were encouraged to do, but left it ultimately up to her. Gwen stared at her brother for a moment, before gazing at the contract, and I could see that her decision was made.

Gwen sighed before getting to her feet. “Your Honor, I would like to formally drop the lawsuit against our company,” she said, signing the contract. Then she circled around the table. “I accept the terms and conditions, Geoff.”

Geoff grinned at his sister. “Good to have you back, sis,” he said, pulling her in for a hug, and even I was touched by the family reunion.

Nicholas and I said goodbye to everyone, shaking hands with the opposing side—as was the custom—before we left the courtroom. Walking down the stairs, I gave him a kiss goodbye and walked slowly to my car. I was pleased at the outcome of the trial, but wondering when Nicholas would be wanting an answer about our future.

. . . 

Once Nicholas managed to successfully corner me into giving an answer, I had had enough time to think of a worthy reply. I simply informed him that, with Iana due to begin preschool in September, that it likely wouldn’t be a good time to move in at the moment, but that I would consider it for the future. Nicholas was satisfied with my answer, and we returned to our new normal between ourselves.

I was in for a shock when, just over two weeks later, Allie came into my office and shut the door behind her in an unexpected gesture as I immediately got to my feet. “Allie? Is something wrong?” I asked.

She sighed. “I just found out that Charlotte’s former boss has been sitting on quite a few of her possessions, and—now that she realizes they weren’t worth as much as she thought, she feels inclined to return them to me.”

“Her boss?”

“Raquel Stanhope, the head of the modeling agency she worked for,” Allie replied, her voice dripping with disdain.

“I’m sorry to hear that,” I said, shaking my head. “Well, if you need me to take care of anything while you’re gone—”

“Actually, Murphy,” Allie said tentatively, “I need you to come with me.”

I blinked. “Me.”

“Yes,” she replied. “Hugo’s got his first big case now that he’s working full-time, and he’s asked Nicholas to be second chair. It’s a lot, but they can still oversee things here, and I hate traveling alone, so if you would consent to go with me...”

I sighed. Flying and I had never been the best of friends, but I knew that Allie needed me, so I decided to be a trooper. “No problem,” I replied. “When do we leave?”

“On a red eye,” she replied, obviously relieved that I’d consented to go with her. “So go home and get some sleep. I’ll send a car for you.”

I shook my head. “That’s all right. I’ll take my car.” I checked the time. “It’s nearly one now, so I’ll go and pick up Iana and just hang out with her at home. We don’t seem to know how long this is going to take, and I wouldn’t want to leave without spending a significant amount of time with her...”

Allie nodded. “Yes, of course. You run along now, and I’ll see you later.”

I spent a lovely afternoon with Iana, checking the status of our direct flight to Los Angeles every now and again to confirm the arrival time. It was a three a.m. flight, so my plan was to be in bed by five, and I texted Ian to let him know my plans. Ian was very considerate and came home early to be with Iana while I packed a suitcase, not knowing how long we’d be gone, but I knew I did want to be more prepared than not.

I drove to the airport a bit after midnight, texting Allie to let her know what was going on and where I was. I parked in the open-ended section of the lot, still unknowing about how long I would be gone from Chicago. As I walked through the airport with my suitcase, I realized that the last time I’d left Chicago had been when I’d gone to Mexico a second time, to tell Mickey that there was a fifty-fifty odds that he was going to be a father. I recalled how I told him that I’d find a way to let him know for sure, and I hadn’t found a way to do so, as I didn’t have an address or phone number for him.

“Maybe a detour—someday,” I said to myself.

Once I’d gone through all the mandatory check points, I went to a twenty-four-hour coffee bar and got myself some form of caffeine as I wandered over to the proper gate. Allie arrived about half an hour later, and we made small talk as the next hour and a half went by. Finally, they let us onto a plane, and I gripped Allie’s arm as we sat in first class, per Allie’s insistence, and she said that I should think of it as a birthday gift.

“Listen, Allie...”

“Yeah?”

I bit my lip. “I have a fear of flying...”

“It will be fine, Murphy,” Allie said gently.

I sighed. “Don’t we always fear the unknown?”

Allie blinked. “You’ve never been on a plane before?”

I shook my head. “No.”

“But what about when you moved here?” she asked.

I sighed. “I drove. Gave me some control,” I said quietly, not really sure why I was telling her this. “Guess it had to do with the lack of control I had growing up...”

Allie nodded like she understood. “Okay,” she said, putting her arm around my shoulders. “Once the plane is in the air, I’ll give you a couple of sleeping pills. You’ll sleep for the entire flight, and you’ll be just fine, I promise you.”

I nodded. “Okay. Thanks.”

True to her word, Allie gave me the pills and I slept like a baby for the four and a half hour flight, waking up when we touched down at seven-thirty. Allie helped me get my bearings as we scoured the airport for the baggage claim and when we came to it, we grabbed our things and went to secure a rental car. Allie had to sign for it, as she was the older one, and I had yet to turn twenty-five. As soon as we were in the car, Allie moved to call Raquel, but was dismayed when she couldn’t get an answer.

“That was her assistant, Andrea,” she said, rolling her eyes. “Apparently, Raquel is not available for three days, and wants to be there for the ‘official handover’,” she said. “What a load of bullshit, if you ask me.”

I nodded. “Sounds like she wants to jerk us around.”

Allie groaned as we sat there in morning traffic in the heart of Los Angeles. “First she keeps my daughter from me, then she convinces her not to go through with the treatments because of the hair loss, and then she keeps her things from me after she dies...”

“Wait,” I said, confused. “I thought that Charlotte decided to stop treatment on her own. Now this Raquel lady told her? I don’t understand...”

Allie nodded. “Yes, there was a lot of that going around,” she replied. “Nicholas mentioned to you that she left each of us a farewell DVD?”

I nodded. “Yeah, he mentioned it.”

“She told us in Hugo’s and my DVD,” Allie replied, dashing the tears from her eyes. “She told us that Raquel didn’t want her to go through the chemotherapy anymore, because her hair was her only true beauty, and she didn’t want to have a cancer-ridden zombie on the payroll...” Her voice broke.

“Allie, I’m so sorry,” I whispered.

Allie sighed, pulling out a handkerchief. “Hey, it is what it is, and there are bitches out there, so that’s no fun...”

I smiled. “It’ll get better.”

“I’m so sorry to just drag you out here like this without a plan...”

I shrugged. “Hey, I need an adventure every now and again.”

We ended up staying at Lucas and Benjamin’s shared mansion in Beverly Hills, and they were all too pleased to have house guests. They gushed over their lovely architecture in the best way possible as they gave us a tour, and recommended the in-home spa to Allie, and the library to me, for even they knew our favorite methods of relaxation. I went into the library, charging my phone as I sat on what Benjamin told me was a chaise longue, which was done up in the buttoned, classic style.

I tried to get into my book as it neared lunchtime, and wondered if Nicholas was out of court yet, so I decided to call him, knowing he would have his phone on silent if he was still in court. I was relieved when he picked up, greeting him in an excited manner, and wondering if he even missed me yet. “Hi!” I crowed into the phone.

“Hey, you,” he replied. “How’s Los Angeles?”

“Beverly Hills, darling,” I corrected him, putting on an old-timey Hollywood accent. “Your mother and I are staying with Lucas and Benjamin.”

“How do you like the mansion?” he asked.

I nodded. “I like it,” I replied. “I’m in the library relaxing.”

“Where’s my mother?”

“At the in-home salon getting a massage, last I heard.”

“You didn’t want a massage?”

I laughed aloud. “God, no! I got a free one at the mall once when I was sixteen. The guy did it so hard that I had bruises on my back for a week. Not that I didn’t frequently have bruises littering my skin, but still...”

“I hate hearing about that son of a bitch, Murphy... What he did to you, it just makes me want to fucking kill him.”

I sighed. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault—don’t apologize!” Nicholas said, his tone filled with concern. “I just want you to be happy.”

“I am happy,” I assured him.

“What’s the news with Raquel?” he asked, wanting to change the subject.

I sighed. “Oh, where do I begin?”

“She being a bitch?” he asked.

“You don’t know the half of it,” I replied. “She’s keeping us at bay for three days just because she doesn’t want to waste twenty minutes with us.”

“Bitch,” he growled into the phone.

“Hey, we’re going to make it work,” I replied. “I’m flattered that your mother even asked me to come with her in the first place.”

“She thinks very highly of you,” Nicholas replied.

I smiled at the thought. “As I do of her,” I said. 

. . . 

Raquel finally agreed to a meeting four days after our arrival, putting us yet another day behind schedule, but Lucas and Benjamin insisted that they loved the company in between shoots, and that we could even play extras in scenes if we wanted. Allie and I politely declined, and I decided to do something that I hadn’t done since I’d first moved to Chicago. I’d thankfully brought a jogging outfit with me, and on our third day in California, I went out for a run, wanting just to push the negativity out of my head and just put it behind me.

As I ran, I considered the past year, and how far I’d come as a person, but knowing that I still couldn’t escape who I was—a Gallagher, who trouble followed. However, as I mulled it over in my mind, I knew then I didn’t want to escape who I was, just the bad habits. Rolling my eyes at how simple it was, I kept right on jogging, knowing that, once I got back, Nicholas and I would have to sit down and have a serious talk about the future. This meant no more secrets, and he and I had to abide by that rule if there was any hope of us making it work.

And I wanted it to work. Really, I did.

At the end of my run, I went into a coffee shop for a cold drink, and waited in line, fishing out my credit card from my pocket and regulating my headphones so that they dangled freely from my neck. The door opened behind me, jingling as it went, and I didn’t even bother to turn around as the line moved forward. I stared up at the menu, wanting to figure out what drink I would find palatable, when a familiar voice filled my ears.

“Oh, my god, Murphy?!”

Turning around, my eyes nearly popped out of my head as Jasmine Jones stood in front of me and I shook my head to clear it. “Jasmine?!” I demanded.

Jasmine grinned. “Hi!” she said, pulling me to her, not caring that I’d obviously just gone for a run and was likely sweaty and potentially smelled disgusting to her high-society nose. “Look at you! You look amazing! I remember last time I saw you, it was just a few months after you’d had Iana... How is she?”

“She’s well, thank you,” I replied, my eyes lowering to the toddler that held Jasmine’s hand. “I mean, she’s great. She just turned two.”

“Oh, I’m sorry,” she said, following my eyes. “This is my son, Jared. Jared, this is an old friend of Mommy’s. This is Murphy.”

“Hi, there, Jared,” I said, willing for my voice not to shake as I took in Jared’s dark blue eyes and raven black hair as the small child waved up at me. “He’s beautiful, Jasmine,” I replied, raising my eyes to hers. “Nicholas mentioned that you moved out here to model.”

“I did,” she replied, smiling.

“How’s that going?”

“Amazing,” she replied. “But, of course, I had to get Jared involved, too. He modeled for Gerber and now he’s doing Baby Gap. People can’t get enough of him!”

I smiled. “That’s good to hear.”

“And you?” she asked, trying to get my attention again as I found myself staring at Jared. “What is new with you?”

I kept my smile plastered on my face. “Not a whole lot,” I replied, deciding not to bring up my relationship with Nicholas, not knowing how she would react. “Just being a mom and being an attorney... It’s a living,” I replied. “Excuse me,” I said then, getting out of line then, and running out of the place, my heart pounding in my ears.

I couldn’t believe it. I just couldn’t believe it! I found I was raging as I ran, my tears mixing with the sweat which poured from my forehead. Nicholas had told me that Jasmine had said that she was not pregnant, and Jared was obviously Nicholas’s son. I stopped running after half a dozen blocks, gripping my knees and breathing in and out, knowing that I had to figure out where I was sooner rather than later. All this stress of the last several weeks had gotten to me, so much so that I hadn’t had a period in nearly two months.

Wait. I paused my thoughts then and shook my head. The only time I hadn’t gotten my period was twice in my lifetime. The first had been when Dr. Normal had locked me in my room without food and just water once a day, back when he’d caught me with Jessica. The second time was when I’d been pregnant with Iana. Of course, it had tapered a bit while I was breastfeeding her, but Nicholas and I were always careful. And since we were always so careful, we’d fallen back on using condoms after my birth control prescription had run out...

No.

No, it just couldn’t be. I could not have gotten myself into this mess all over again!

“Dammit, Gallagher,” I said, slapping my forehead as I took off running again. I ran and ran, knowing that I’d passed a drugstore somewhere nearby. Yes! There it was, I thought to myself as I ran inside, the air conditioning hitting me like a source of happiness as I walked quickly up one aisle and down the other. Finally, I came to the proper aisle and grabbed what I was looking for, taking it up to the front counter and scanning my credit card in the machine.

I called for an Uber as I rang up, too exhausted and overwhelmed to get back to the mansion by jogging, and I needed answers. I thanked the cashier and stepped outside, the Uber already waiting for me as I crossed the parking lot. The driver confirmed the address, and, when they arrived, I gave them a tip for not pressuring me into small talk. I got out of the car, relieved when I got a text from Allie that she’d gone to the set with the boys that day, and I was pleased to have the house to myself.

I went upstairs to my bedroom, resolving to take the shower before I took the pregnancy test, which sat there like an elephant as I tore off my jogging clothes in the bathroom. I stepped into the shower, turning the water to cold and on full blast, and was rewarded with my own personal waterfall. Despite the fact that many of the rooms in this house were guest suites, no expense was spared, and each had a defining theme.

I got out of the shower a few moments later, leaving the unopened text on the bathroom counter as I walked into my borrowed bedroom, pulling on a pair of denim shorts and a tank top before returning to the bathroom. I bit my lip, reading the instructions on the thing; despite being pregnant once before, I’d never had to take one of these, as I’d gotten tested at the doctor’s office after a suspected bout of food poisoning. Shaking my head, I opened the box and pulled out the stick, sitting down on the toilet to do my business and to figure something out.

I placed the stick back onto the counter, flushing the toilet and washing my hands as I waited for the life-changing outcome. If it was negative, I figured I didn’t really need to tell anyone—if it was negative, it could all be chalked up to stress, and nobody cared about that. However, if it did come up positive, I knew that there would be an extra-long conversation in store for Nicholas and me. When the five minutes were up, I picked up the stick, and sighed, the outcome staring back at me.

“Okay,” I replied.

. . .

I got on a plane that night, knowing that I just had to get home. No matter what the outcome of the test had been, I knew it was time to come clean about everything. The lies and the secrets ended here, I decided, as I sent off my apology text to Allie, telling her that something had come up and I had to get home. She was very understanding, as she always was, and told me that she would come home if I needed anything. I thought the gesture was very sweet, but I knew very well that Allie didn’t owe me a thing. I may have been her son’s girlfriend, but that didn’t automatically make me family, although maybe she thought differently...

I picked up my car from the airport parking lot and just drove, wanting to obliterate the last twenty-four hours from my mind. Seeing Jasmine and the result on that pregnancy test had thrown me completely, and I was relieved when Allie let me return home early. As the sunset came onto the scene, I felt myself feeling exhausted from the days’ events, and the notion that something was lurking just beneath the surface scared me. I felt the sweat on my forehead and neck as I drove, almost as if I was retreating from a crime scene, and all I wanted to do was get home in one piece.

I drove up to the house and got out of my car, slamming and locking the door automatically behind me as I threw open my trunk, hauling my suitcase out before slamming it shut as well. I pushed open the gate and stamped through the yard and up the steps of the porch, trepidation hidden within my every move. I fished my keys out of my pocket, finding that my hands were shaking as I stuck them into the lock and opened the door, barely aware of my duffel bag hanging from my arm. I shut and locked the door behind me, sensing footsteps nearby and when I turned around, I saw Ian standing before me, and I launched myself into his arms.

“Murph?” he asked, his voice shocked, but he nevertheless hugged me back. “You’re back six days early—you said that Allie said maybe a week and a half,” he said, looking shocked at me in a moment of clarity. “What’s going on?”

“Nothing!” I said quickly, too quickly, as I yanked myself away from him. “Nothing’s wrong. I mean, why would anything be wrong? Where’s Iana?”

Ian looked perturbed at my attitude. “I said, ‘What’s going on?’ not ‘What’s wrong?’,” he replied, his tone careful. “Iana’s in the living room with Liam—”

“Mama!” Iana crowed, my two-year-old making a joyous run for me and holding up her arms in a demanding yet cute manner. “Mama, Ana missed you!”

“Did she now?” I asked, bending down and scooping her up into my arms. “Well, that’s good, because Mama missed Ana very much.”

“Mama leave again?” she asked, her brow furrowing.

“No,” I told her, shaking my head. “In fact, Mama has a surprise.”

“What?” she asked as I moved upstairs, carrying her as she bounced up and down in my arms, Ian bringing up the rear. “What surprise?”

“Yeah, what surprise?” Ian asked from behind me as I stepped into my bedroom. “Murph, you need to tell me what’s—”

“Mama’s taking you to Disney World!” I cried as soon as we stepped into my bedroom. “So, I want you to grab your bathing suits and your towels, because there are so many beaches in Florida that we have to make time to visit them all—”

“Murphy,” Ian said, his voice hinging on desperation as Iana scuttled around the room, pulling out her small roller suitcase and filling it expertly with everything I’d told her to fill it with. “I need to know what’s going on...”

“What?” I asked, barely listening to him as I booked me and Iana tickets on a red-eye flight from the airport to Florida. “What’s the problem, Ian?”

Ian sighed, watching as Iana continued to stuff things into her roller suitcase, and looked as if he was wondering where the madness would end. “Stop and tell me what’s going on, Murph, please. Don’t just take off like this...”

I sighed, holding up my hand as I walked over to Iana, and helped her pack everything accordingly before I kissed her forehead. “Good job, honey. Now, wait for Mama downstairs by the front door, all right?”

“All right, Mama!” she chanted, pulling her suitcase out of the room behind her as I turned around and looked up at my brother.

“What’s going on?” he asked, his voice quiet. “You know I know when something’s happening here, Murphy. Just...tell me.”

I swallowed then, not wanting to appear vulnerable, but the secrets and the lies couldn’t stop—not yet. Just a little while longer... “I’ll tell you everything, as soon as Iana and I are in Florida and I’ve had time to decompress,” I said quietly.

Ian sighed. “You’ll tell me everything?”

I nodded. “On one condition...”

“What condition? Murph, what are you talking about?”

I raised my eyes to my brother’s then, the fear I’d been holding back in my voice. “Something terrible has happened,” I whispered to him, my voice shaking, and immediately, Ian looked concerned. “It’s so bad, but I can’t tell you, yet. Just...”

“What’s the condition, Murphy? Anything!”

I sighed. “You can’t tell anyone where we’ve gone,” I whispered, and Ian looked shocked at what I was asking of him. “That’s the condition,” I replied.

“But... Murphy... You’re coming back?” he asked, as I moved to stuff the last of my things into my suitcase. “Aren’t you?”

I looked up at Ian then. “You can’t ask me...”

“I’m pulling the twin card, Murph,” he replied.

I rolled my eyes. “That doesn’t exist...”

“It sure as shit does!” he replied. “You’re coming back,” he said, placing his hand on mine, which caused me to look up at him, “aren’t you?”

I hesitated for a moment, the silence between us deafening, and I knew that, at least in this situation, I needed to give him an honest answer. “I don’t know,” I replied.

END OF SEASON FOUR


End file.
